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1
ABDUCTEDBY ALIENS
OrHow I Learned to Cope WithHigh Strangeness, Government Harassment,and My Mother- a True Story -by
Chuck Weiss
 
2
ABDUCTED BY ALIENS:Or How I learned to cope With High Strangeness,Government Harassment, and My Mother (a true story)
© 2008 Chuck Weiss“Of Rats and Men,” “To Laugh or To Cry,”and “I Led Three Lives” © 1995 Chuck Weiss.Cover Art and Illustrations © 2008 Dana AugustineAll rights reserved. No part of this publication may bereproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, fax or email,without specific written permission from the author. Reviewersmay quote brief passages.Visit www.
 AbductedByAliensTheBook.com
for updates andnew articles.Address all correspondence to . . .
ChuckWeiss@AbductedByAliensTheBook.com.
Comments are welcome.
Proofreading Services by Hyperlife.netFirst Printing: September, 2008
ADULT ADVISORY
 
Due to the adult nature of some of the content herein,this book should not be read by persons under the age of eighteen.
 
 
3For my daughter
.
 
 
4
TABLE OF CONTENTS
OPENING
STATEMENT
................................................................................... 6
 
PART I: AS IT HAPPENED
MY AWAKENING: Personal Journal Part One
January 19, 1994 – November 12, 1994 ........................................................ 10
MY RETURN: Personal Journal Part Two
May 30, 2006 – August 5, 2006 ……………………………………………. 114
HIGH STRANGENESS
Terms and Definitions ……………………………………………………… 132The “Physical” Evidence …………………………………………………… 137Puncture Marks ………………………………………………………. 137Raised Veins ………………………………………………………….. 140Bruises ………………………………………………………………... 141Left Foot, Right Foot, a Painful Dance ………………………………. 141The Case of the Mysterious Mussels …………………………………. 142A Cleansing? ………………………………………………………….. 144What Did They Do to My Teeth? …………………………………….. 145Funny, I don’t Remember Having Brain Surgery ……………………. 145Nighttime Sunburns ………………………………………………….. 147Spontaneous Healings ………………………………………………... 150Have We Met Before? ……………………………………………………… 154Something with Claws ……………………………………………………… 155My “Secret School” ………………………………………………………… 157The ET Employment Agency ………………………………………………. 159Missing Time in Bumper-to-Bumper Traffic ……………………………… 161Insects in My Face …………………………………………………………. 166The Flying Van …………………………………………………………….. 167The Miracle of the Lamp …………………………………………………… 171
GOVERNMENT HARASSMENT
My Second Paradigm Shift …………………………………………………. 174Surveillance & Monthly Break-Ins………………………………………….. 178Red Herrings ………………………………………………………………... 181Discovered My Tail ………………………………………………………… 186Outed the Mole …………………………………………………………….. 187My TV is Watching Me! ……………………………………………………. 189The Second Camera ……………………………………………………….. 191Blood & Guts in the Shower ………………………………………………... 193They Got at Me through My Girlfriend …………………………………….. 195The Missing Pillow Case & the Beautiful Blond …………………………… 198Rape, the Ultimate Harassment……………………………………………… 201
MOTHER
A Difficult Relationship …………………………………………………….. 208
 
And Then There Was Father, Too………………………………………….. 213
 
5
PART II: AS I SEE IT
THOUGHTS FROM THE TRENCHES
Why Me? ……………………………………………………………………. 222What do We Call Ourselves? ……………………………………………….. 225“Who’s Who,” an Alien Program Guide …………………………………… 230Three Period Pieces …………………………………………………………. 340Of Rats and Men ……………………………………………………… 240To Laugh or To Cry ………………………………………………….. 241I Led Three Lives …………………………………………………….. 244Recovering Memories through Hypnotherapy ……………………………… 246
 
Advice to the Newly Awakened …………………………………………… 250Do We Really Want an End to the UFO Cover-Up? ……………………….. 258
THE HUMAN – E.T. SPIRITUALITY CONNECTION
 
Testing, Testing 1-2-3 ………………………………………………………. 264Joe’s Apartment ………………………………………………………. 264Personal Heroes ……………………………………………………….. 270A Test of Character …………………………………………………… 272Who Are These People? (An Unsettling Conclusion) ……………………… 288A “Unified Theory” for ET Agendas ……………………………………….. 297As Above, So Below………………………………………………………… 304It’s a Shooting War …………………………………………………………. 309A Brief History of the War between The Light and The Dark ……….. 311The Nazi – Occult Connection and WWII as “Armageddon”………… 312Operation Paperclip: America’s Trojan Horse ……………………….. 3211947 – 2012: The Final Curtain ……………………………………… 328
CLOSING STATEMENT
………………………………………………………
 
334
APPENDIX
My Letter to the Mole ……………………………………………………… 336Letter on Army Stationery Saying UFOs Thought to be Extraterrestrial ….. 338Famous Conspiracy Theorists in History …………………………………… 339Recommended Reading ……………………………………………………. 341
 
Photographs ………………………………………………………………… 351Acknowledgements ………………………………………………………… 355Index………………………………………………………………………… 356
 
6
Opening Statement
This book is two things.First, it is an attempt to document more than a dozenyears of my life, as I’ve tried to cope with visits in the night bya Great Unknown and harassment by my own government. It ismy hope that people who read this account, and who haverecently “awakened” to their own ET experiences, will findsolace in the fact that they are not alone. As someone who has“gone to hell and back,” I hope to make the road a little lessbumpy for others.This book is also a presentation of my theory, a decadein the making and sure to be controversial, as to origin of theGrays and their purpose here on Earth. Although this is not ascholarly work, I’ve done research and provide sources in thefootnotes to back my hypothesis.What this book is not, is an attempt to convince anyoneof anything. Although I certainly hope that people will judgeme to be a truthful person, I really don’t care if the readerbelieves what I’m about to relate or not. I didn’t write this forskeptics. I’ll leave them for the researchers.And, of course, some names have been changed in avain attempt to protect the innocent.Chuck Weiss
 
7
PART I:AS IT HAPPENED
 
8In January of 1994 I began to experience a series of curious incidents, which when considered together presented amystery that I could not ignore. I decided early on to recordthese events as they occurred, so as not to lose any details to afaulty memory. Everything reported herein happened asdescribed.Chuck Weiss“And you know something is happening,But you don’t know what it is,Do you Mr. Jones.”Bob Dylan
 
9
My Awakening
Personal Journal: Part One
 
January 19, 1994 – November 12, 1994
 
10
Wednesday, January 19, 1994
 
Some strange things have been happening. I think itmight be wise if I put this down on paper. I want to be sure thatlater I remember everything correctly. I don’t know why. I justhave an uneasy feeling about this. Here goes.I woke up twice last night to the ring of my bedsidetelephone. The first time was at 2:20 A.M. It happened again acouple of hours later. Both times when I answered the phone,all I heard was the dial tone.This has happened several nights in a row now. Thefirst few times I heard a bell and woke up puzzled becausenothing in my bedroom could produce a bell tone. After thatthe sound has been that of a ringing telephone. I have a definitememory of once being woken up by a loud buzzer. At first Ithought it was the clock-radio alarm. Actually I rememberhearing the buzzer sound more than once. I remember thesecond time thinking that I really did have to check the clock radio, as I had thought to do earlier.I’ll disconnect the telephone tonight and set the alarmfor a special time to be sure they’re not at fault. But the ringhas always been a bit subdued and doesn’t have quite the sametone as the telephone in my bedroom.Another thing – as I sat in the living room thinkingabout all of this, I suddenly got the feeling that I should go intothe bathroom and inspect myself closely. When I did I noticed
 
11two small parallel lines, about ½ to ¾ of an inch long, low onthe back of my neck above the shoulder blades. They appear tobe newly formed scabs.As I stood pondering how I could have scratched myself so deeply as to draw blood without noticing it, I realized that Ihad seen these two scabs before in exactly the same place abouta year ago. At the time I dismissed it. People are alwayshurting themselves in minor ways without knowing it. But nowthis is the second time these scabs have formed in exactly thesame place. I’m sure of it and the feeling of déjà vu isunsettling.There is also a long scrape mark across my leftshoulder. It’s red and ugly looking, but strangely it doesn’thurt. I don’t know how I got it. This is too weird.
Thursday, January 20
th
I woke up twice again last night to the single ring of atelephone, once at 1:26 A.M. and again at 3:21 A.M. (I’vedecided to note all the details as accurately as possible and toinclude them in this journal.) I had disconnected the telephonein my bedroom and turned off the ringers of the other housephones before I went to bed. As I suspected, these are audiohallucinations.While it is disturbing, to say the least, to think that I amhaving hallucinations of any sort, I have discovered somethingeven more unnerving. Thinking about the two scabs on the
 
12back of my neck reminded me of something an old girlfriendsaid about a year ago. We had been making love when shenoticed that there was a scar on my genitals. Perhaps it was thepassion of the moment, but I forgot about what she had saiduntil now.I examined myself closely tonight and, sure enough,there is a long scar that runs the full length of the shaft on theunderside of my penis, from tip to base, and continues a quarterof the way around at the bottom. It looks as if I was filleted,like a fish. I certainly do not remember anything to explainsuch a scar. I have an appointment for my annual physical in acouple of months. I’ll ask my doctor how old the scar appearsto be. Even if there was a slip of the knife during mycircumcision as an infant, I don’t understand how an accidentlike that could have caused such a long and extensive wound,or why I wouldn’t have noticed it until now.
Friday, January 21
st
I took the telephone off line again last night, but I haveno memory of having any audio hallucinations. The two scabshave all but disappeared from where I found them a couple of days ago, at the base of my neck and between the shoulders. Ithink I can see a couple of lines or faint scars.There is also a bulge on my neck, just above where thescabs were and a little to the left of the spine. I’m mentioning
 
13this only to be thorough in my observations. It may have beenthere before. I don’t remember noticing it, though.
Sunday, February 20
th
Today the top of my head felt tender. I felt a scab of some sort, and as I rubbed it small granules of dried blood cameoff on my fingers. It had the consistency of crystallized sugar.I’ve never known a scab to form that way. Usually a scab is ahard, crusted thing, not something that crumbles into granulesin your hand. I have no idea how I might have injured myself.I’ve “heard” some more audio hallucinations the pastcouple of nights. They were the same telephone ring, but notnearly as loud as the ones I heard last month. After I heard thefirst one I was too sleepy to try and stay awake, so I just rolledover and went back to sleep.I’ve also had headaches, off and on, throughout the day.
Monday, February 21
st
I woke up twice last night to the same audiohallucinations. The last time was approximately 5:20 A.M.,when I got up and had breakfast. I can’t seem to sleep morethan two or three hours in a row, day or night. The headaches Ihad yesterday have continued throughout today.
Evening (10:45 P.M.):
I don’t know what’s going on. All I can do is documentwhat happened. A few minutes ago I tried to work out on my
 
14exercise machine and injured myself badly, straining my leftarm and chest muscle. In order to stand the pain, I had to holdmy arm tightly against my body with my right hand. Thenwhile I was sitting on the couch trying to think if I had an Acebandage in the closet, or if I would have to go out and buy one,I felt something press several times against my lower back atthe base of my spine. The sensation lasted a good two or threeseconds. I looked behind me. There was nothing on the couch,but then I noticed that my arm and chest no longer hurt.The pain is completely gone! All this happened in lessthan a minute after getting off the exercise machine. My leftarm feels like it’s walking up from a Novocain shot, but there’sno pain, even when I move it around. I had thought I wasgoing to have to get an Ace bandage and tape my chest. Oneminute severe pain, the next nothing! This is not natural.What’s happening to me?
Thursday, February 24
th
 
My arm and chest have not hurt at all since that firstminute after the injury, three days ago. That’s not to say theyfeel normal, because they don’t. I can definitely feel that I hurtmyself, but it’s as if the injury happened a couple of weeks ago.There is a slight weakness in the area. Until today, there wasno pain, soreness, or weakness. I’m able to use my arm as if nothing had happened. It’s as if my body flooded itself with
 
15endorphins that first minute and has maintained them at a highconcentration for the last three days.
Tuesday, March 1
st
 
I still can’t sleep well, day or night. It’s very rare thatI’ll sleep more than two or three hours straight before wakingup.Last night I woke up in a panic. I have no memory of having a nightmare, or of dreaming at all for that matter, yet Iflung myself up in bed. My heart was racing and I felt veryanxious. After a few deep breaths, I was able to calm myself. Igot up for five minutes or so and then went back to bed.Usually if a dream is frightening enough to wake you, you haveat least the memory of having a nightmare. I have no idea whatfrightened me awake.My stomach acid is way up. In addition to the Zantactablets I normally take, I have to take a couple of antacidsbefore going to bed. If I don’t, I’m likely to wake up with amouthful of stomach acid. This is getting very tiresome.
Tuesday, March 22
nd
(3:00 A.M.)
As I was getting ready for bed tonight, I noticed in thebathroom mirror that the two scabs I noticed in late Januaryhave returned. They are in the same location, at the base of myneck between the shoulders. When I saw them, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. This is the third time that I remember
 
16seeing them and each time they were in exactly the same spot.When I look at them, I’m filled with dread. I’m afraid, but Idon’t know what of.I still have major problems sleeping. I catnap wheneverI can, but a cat sleeps more soundly than I do. My annualcheck-up with my doctor is this afternoon. I hope that he cananswer some of my questions.
Evening:
 I met with my doctor, and let him read this journal. Hewas, of course, noncommittal. He had no explanation for thescar on my penis. He told me that it’s impossible to tell howold a scar is just by looking at it. I could have had it for oneyear or forty-six, if it happened as result of my circumcision.This is a major disappointment.Neither had he heard of any case where the body hadspontaneously anesthetized itself after a painful injury. He alsoexamined the scabs on the back of my neck and said that theylooked like scratches, and that I obviously scratched myself while sleeping.I asked him to renew my Zantac prescription, which hedid. I seem to need it now more than ever. Before all of thisstarted happening I was taking one 200 mg tablet once a day,but now I take two per day, sometimes three. If I don’t, Isuddenly wake up in the middle of the night with my mouth fullof stomach acid. I explained all of this to my doctor and again
 
17he didn’t have an explanation. Cases of “projectile vomiting”are common among people who are overweight, have a hiatalhernia and/or live with high levels of stress, but it’s evidentlynot known to happen while the person is sleeping.To help me sleep, the doctor gave me a prescription forHalcion, but I declined his offer of Valium. I don’t want anypsychotropic drugs. Besides, I’m sure that I’m not a manic-depressive. I do get depressed, sometimes severely, but I’mnever manic.He also suggested psychiatric help, which I alsodeclined for the time being. I’m leery of putting myself in thehands of the mental health community, even if my insurancewould cover it. I don’t want any medical database to list me asa possible psychotic. In this information age, once someone islabeled like that it’s hard to correct any mistakes. Not that Ihaven’t thought at times that maybe I was having mentalproblems. But somehow that explanation doesn’t feel right. Aperson isn’t likely to scratch himself in his sleep, to the point of drawing blood, three separate times in the same hard-to-reachlocation, without waking up!I did, however, tell my doctor that I wouldn’t mindseeing a hypnotherapist to explore any suppressed trauma. Atthat he recommended his own father and gave me his brochure,which describes him as a Diplomat of the American Board of Hypnosis for Internal Medicine. I think I lucked out. My
 
18doctor said that he’s having dinner with his father tomorrownight and will brief him concerning my case.I set a follow-up appointment for April 22
nd
.
Thursday, March 24
th
 
I went back to my doctor today to have blood drawn forthe standard tests that are a part of the annual physical examthat I had on Tuesday. He forgot to order the tests at the time,probably because he got sidetracked reading my journal. I took the opportunity to ask him to talk with his colleagues to see if they could explain the scar on my penis and he assured me thathe would, adding, “I’ve never seen anything like it.”Well, neither have I. In all my years, I’ve never noticedit. It’s so extensive that I don’t see how I could have missed it,unless of course, it is a new scar.
Monday, March 28
th
 
Although I’ve been interested in the UFO phenomenonfor many years, I purposely have stayed away from the subjectof “Alien Abductions.” The idea of people being floated out of their bedrooms by beings from outer space just seemed toopreposterous to consider seriously. Now, I’m not so sure.I bought a video entitled
Contact UFO: Alien Abduction
. I don’t know why I bought it. As I said, I wouldn’tnormally consider such a fantastic explanation for myproblems. In fact I picked it up and put it down several times
 
19before finally taking it to the checkout counter. Something just“clicked” inside me when I saw it, and I had to buy it.A number of physical and emotional symptoms aredescribed in the video as being common among those who havesupposedly been abducted by UFOs. They are identical withwhat is called “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,” a conditionfound among people who have undergone a traumatic event,such as Viet Nam veterans or Middle East hostages.The disturbing thing is that I recognize these symptomsas having been persistent problems for me, on and off, thesemany years. I believe now that they contributed to thedisintegration of my marriage. At that time I thought that I wassuffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and tried,unsuccessfully, to confirm that with my doctor.Here is a list of my symptoms.1.
 
I can’t sleep more than two or three hours beforewaking up. I’ll nod off easily during the day but,again, I can’t sleep more than a couple of hours at atime.2.
 
I experience “projectile vomiting” (stomach acidshooting up into the mouth) while I’m sleeping. Mydoctor says that for this to happen while the person isasleep is unheard of medically.3.
 
I’ll go through periods of time when I behavecompulsively. These include eating and shoppingbinges. (I’ve maxed out my credit cards this waybecause I just can’t stop myself when this happens.)4.
 
At times it’s hard to concentrate, except on thesimplest of tasks.
 
205.
 
During these times, it’s very hard to motivate myself,either to do everyday chores or, sometimes, even tophysically move from my spot.6.
 
I have facial ticks that come and go. These are almostalways supposed to be indications of extreme stress.7.
 
There are periods when my heart will suddenly beginracing. This is always accompanied by feelings of high anxiety.8.
 
I also cry easily, but not about anything that concernsme personally. I get emotional over things likecompassion and feelings of humanity (or rather thelack of such in our society).Except for the first and last symptoms, which areconstant, they all seem to come on strong at first and thendiminish over time, until they disappear entirely. Afterwards,there are usually a few months when my anxiety and depressionare under control, but the cycle always begins again withrenewed intensity.I need to learn more about this thing called “AlienAbduction.”
Wednesday, March 30
th
 
I went to see my friend Leila and took my journal.After she read it she offered alternate explanations for almostevery concern.The audio hallucinations could be a result of a desire tohear the phone ring, as my telephone brings me business. Shereminded me that Sol, a client of mine, died about the time I
 
21began hearing them. Besides the friendship we developed overthe years, as a client he also represented a thousand dollars of income per month in my medical transportation business. For aone-person operation, the loss of twelve thousand dollars a yearof income can certainly be a cause of anxiety.The scratches and scrapes that I found on my body canbe explained by my wearing a watch to bed every night, shesaid. We are always hurting ourselves in minor ways and thenonly discovering it well after the accident.She felt that even the scar on my genitals could beexplained, saying that sometimes boys are born with largeamounts of foreskin that has to be cut off. We agreed that sucha procedure might not even be mentioned to the parents,especially if it were performed as part of a standardcircumcision.The symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder couldbe the result of depression, she suggested, caused both by a badmarriage and, more recently, Sol’s death. She suggested anti-depressant medication.The one issue she didn’t address was the exercise injuryand its sudden healing. Neither of us mentioned that one. It’s ahard one to explain away.I bought a book about Alien Abductions titled
Communion: A True Story
. I think it was one of the first bookspublished on the subject. In it, the author, Whitley Strieber,
 
22describes how “they” inserted a long needle into his brain. Thenext morning he purportedly discovered a scab on the top of hishead composed of crystallized blood granules (just as I did) andfelt afterwards that he was being monitored.Did “they” flood my body with endorphins after myinjury on the exercise machine? If so, then “they” cansomehow monitor my body and/or my thoughts. How else did“they” respond so quickly? This is a frightening thought. Evento think such a thought is frightening. In my business Itransport mental health patients to locked mental wards, manyof whom claim to be monitored or controlled by unseen forces.However, I must admit that I do feel better after talkingwith Leila. I’ll defer judgment on all of this, but will continueto report anything unusual that happens.
Monday, April 4
th
 
Last night I had a memory of something that happened along time ago in childhood. It was triggered by something Iread over the weekend in
Communion
. I still haven’tcompleted the book. I have about a third of it left to finish. It’snot that long, but for some reason I’m hesitant to continuereading it, even though each chapter seem to confirm my ownexperiences. It’s like I don’t want to know, but I need to know.Under hypnosis, Strieber described an encounter with“The Visitors,” as he calls them, when he was about twelveyears old. He and his sister were playing in an empty lot close
 
23to home when something approached them. Afterwards, hissister told their parents that there was a “fireball” in the lot andthat’s why they ran home.Lying in bed last night, I suddenly remembered anincident that happened when I was a young boy at mygrandparents’ home in Oklahoma. I heard Happy
1
shout, “Afireball just landed in the driveway! A fireball just landed inthe driveway!” I think that I was in the big bedroom at thetime, where I didn’t have a direct view of the driveway, but Ican’t be sure. I also have some kind of memory of being in theliving room, trying to get at the curtains to look out thewindow, which did face directly onto the driveway.At any rate, I have a distinct memory of mygrandmother’s voice becoming more and more agitated.“There is someone at the door,” she shouted. “They’re comingthrough the door!” My mother and grandfather tried to calmher saying, “See? There’s no one at the door, Happy. There’snothing in the driveway.”“I saw a fireball in the driveway,” she insisted. I thinit was my mother who, trying to make sense of it all, suggestedthat the driveway might have been struck by lightning, whichcould have then formed a fireball of electricity. Almost as soonas it was suggested, this explanation was discarded because no
1
Everyone called my grandmother “Happy.” The nickname was given toher early in her life by her friends and it suited her well.
 
24one had heard a thunderclap, which would have certainlyfollowed any lightning strike so close to the house. I have nomemory of it raining either, for that matter. I think it was asunny afternoon, in fact. Mother also reasoned that lightningwould have scorched the driveway, although I don’t recallanyone leaving the house to inspect the area. I did so, but onlyafter I got home from school the next day. I remember that Iinspected the driveway carefully, but found nothing out of theordinary.I haven’t thought about this incident since it happened.When that was, I don’t remember exactly. I think it was shortlyafter my parents separated, when Mother and I left Father inCalifornia to live with my grandparents in Oklahoma. I calledMother tonight and asked if she remembered any such incident.I was hoping for an independent confirmation, but shedoesn’t remember anything. She asked if maybe I wasconfusing her with Nancy, Happy’s best friend, who often cameto visit. But if that were true, I would have certainly beenplaying with one of Nancy’s daughters, either Felicia, who ismy age, or Tina, who is two years older. They alwaysaccompanied their mother when she came to visit and weenjoyed the time playing together, but I have no memory of them being there during the incident.I can’t talk with Happy because she died many yearsago, in 1974. Billy, my grandfather, is in his mid-eighties and
 
25still lives in Oklahoma. I’ll call him soon, but I don’t hold outmuch hope that he’ll remember anything. His memory isfailing. If she can’t remember this incident, I’ll bet that Billyhas forgotten it too. I wish Happy were alive. She wouldremember.I’ve got to say that I’m filled with a profound sense of relief. This must be what is called a “missing time episode.”Even though Mother is unable to confirm the incident, I amnow positive that it happened as I have described it in its majordetails. The memory of my grandmother becoming more andmore excited about a “fireball in the driveway” and somethingabout people at the front door is very real in my mind now.The speculation about a lightning strike, and the reasons fordismissing that explanation, are just as vivid a memory.I know that this happened, and it doesn’t matter if I canprove it or not, because now I know that I’m not having anervous breakdown. That has been a very real concern of mineduring the last month and a half. I thought that maybe I hadbecome hysterical, taking a “molehill” of little things that mightbe easily explained and making out of it a “mountain” bigenough to bury me. But now I know that is not the case.Something did happen those many years ago and it’s probablybeen happening to me, off and on, ever since.
Wednesday, April 6
th
 
Emotionally I feel better than I have in months. It’s as
 
 
26if a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I knownow that I’m not crazy and that is a relief. But still every night,as I prepare for bed, I experience what many American soldiersmust have felt. It’s as if I’m on night patrol in Viet Nam, neverknowing if I’m going to “engage the enemy.”Last night I got little sleep at all, having forgotten totake my medication. I woke up in a flash, heart pounding, tothat familiar ring of a phantom telephone. Like Pavlov’s dog,my body reacted with a full-blown panic attack. The clock onmy nightstand read 2:40 A.M.By the time I calmed myself enough to try and sleepagain, it was just past three o’clock. I don’t think I fell asleep,though. My mind wouldn’t stop racing. Therefore I wassurprised to roll over in bed and see that the clock read 5:55A.M. It hadn’t seemed to be more than fifteen minutes (or ahalf-hour at most) since I tried to go back to sleep, but the clock said that almost three hours had passed. Did I sleep so lightlythat I thought I had only closed my eyes for a few minutes, orwas this another “missing time episode?”A few nights ago, I remembered an old James Bondmovie, where he wanted to know when anyone entered hishotel room while he was away. He carefully secured a strandof thread across the door jamb, so that it would fall to the floorif the door were opened in his absence. Taking a clue from007, I have been placing a small cardboard gift box up against
 
27the door every night before retiring. If someone were to enterthe room while I was asleep, the door, which opens into theroom, would move the box aside. Although the box was firmlyagainst the door when I got up this morning, it was a couple of inches from where I had carefully placed it last night. Eitherthis is really happening, or I have very complicatedhallucinations.
Late Evening:
 I had a rabbi friend of mine over tonight. We had madethe date a while ago, when I was fearful of my own sanity andfelt that I needed some emotional support. He was relieved tosee that I wasn’t as distraught as I had sounded when we hadlast talked on the phone.I had him sit down and read my journal, as it stands todate. This saves a lot of time and insures that I don’t leave outany important observations. He deferred judgment, but did saythat my list of symptoms ran the range from Post-TraumaticStress Disorder to schizophrenia to full-blown psychosis. Healso agreed that regressive hypnosis would be the only way toknow for sure what was happening.I told him of my concerns for Katherine, my eight-year-old daughter. She hasn’t slept in her own room for over a yearnow, insisting on sleeping with her mother instead. My wife,Margaret, and I thought at the time that Katie was reacting to
 
28our separation, but she had told her mother that it was becausethere were “monsters and bad men” in her room.There was another girl who had been sharing the roomwith Katie. Six years ago, Dorothy, who is now fourteen yearsold, came to live with us. She shared a room with her mother,Maria, who has been our live-in housekeeper and Katherine’snanny since Katie was a year old.Of course as Dorothy grew older she preferred to sharea room with Katie, her younger “sister,” rather than alwaysbeing under the watchful eye of her mother. Margaretpurchased a pair of bunk beds for the room and both Katie andDorothy seemed pleased with the arrangement. However,Dorothy moved back to her mother’s room when Katherinestarted sleeping with her mother. I would think that a teenagegirl would find it a stroke of good fortune to suddenly have aroom all to herself, but evidently not. Now, no one sleeps inthat bedroom.It has been said that Alien Abductions are oftengenerational, involving both parent and child. Is my Katieinvolved in this thing too? Did Katie and Dorothy seesomething in that room that frightened them so much that theyboth prefer to give up their privacy, rather than sleep thereagain?I told the rabbi that I was planning to ask Katherine to
 
29draw “wanted” posters of those “monsters and bad men” for thepolice. He agreed that that sounded like a good idea and that itwould be interesting to see what she comes up with, but hecautioned me to be particularly careful not to give her anysubconscious suggestions as to how to draw her pictures. Atthat age children are susceptible to the expectations of adults,especially those of their parents.I asked the rabbi about the ethics of dating. If Aliensare indeed abducting me, could I in good conscience have anykind of intimate relationship with a woman if it meant shemight be abducted as well? Or should I live alone the rest of my life, rather than risk subjecting others to what I’m goingthrough?He said that there were probably many women whowould be attracted by the idea of a relationship with someonewho is intimately acquainted with Extraterrestrials, and that Ishould let any perspective girlfriend decide for herself.What a pick-up line! “Do you want to come over to myplace, stay the night and meet ET?”
Friday, April 8
th
 
Last night I let my friend, Robert Akins, read my journal. I thought that he had said that he had read
Communion
, but I had evidently misunderstood him. WhitleyStrieber is one of his favorite authors, but he hasn’t read thatparticular book.
 
30His reaction has convinced me to be much more carefulas to whom I “come out” to on this subject. It’s just like Bob,though. He’s proud of being logical about things and notswayed by emotion, but he’s also closed minded. He has nointerest in the UFO phenomenon, much less encounters withtheir occupants. To him, every mystery must have a rationalexplanation, and any extraterrestrial explanation for lights inthe sky can’t be rational. He should reread
 Hamlet 
. “There aremore things in heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in yourphilosophy,” Robert.We then watched the movie
Communion
, the screenplayof which Strieber adapted from his book. I had bought it, buthadn’t seen it until now. As we watched the movie, I wasstruck how my own life has paralleled that of Mr. Strieber’s.Strieber had been obsessed with “home protection” andhad purchased a shotgun for that purpose, even though hishome had never had a break-in. He also bought an expensivealarm system for their cabin in the country, again without anyprior provocation.I, too, purchased a gun and an expensive alarm systemfor home protection. I have long had a paranoid belief that theend of civilization was near, and that hordes of hungry anddesperate people would swarm over the countryside, raping andpillaging when the new “Dark Ages” began. Shortly after wegot married, Margaret and I purchased some undeveloped
 
31property in Northern California to use as our retreat for whenthis would happen. I realize now just how paranoid we were,but at the time Margaret and I both shared that nightmarishfantasy.The movie also reminded me of the many times lastyear when, for no apparent reason, certain house lights wouldturn off and on repeatedly. A check of the fuses never revealedanything out of the ordinary. Also, lights that I knew I had justturned off would suddenly come back on. I joked that I had agremlin in the house. These incidents finally subsided and Ihaven’t had any trouble, until recently. During the past coupleof months there have been several times when I knew that I hadturned off the basement lights, but found them to be on laterwhen I returned.Since my recollection of the missing time episode inOklahoma, my mental attitude in regard to these visitations hasbecome quite positive. I want to see this thing through. I wantto know what I’m involved in. I’ll accept a “normal”explanation for these strange events if that is what is revealed,but I have to know.
Saturday, April 9
th
 
Last night I wanted to see if my new positive attitudewould help me to sleep without the aid of somethingpharmaceutical. Besides, I was dog-tired and felt certain that Iwould drop off quickly once I got into bed. Not the case. I
 
32tossed and turned for two hours, before getting up and finallytaking a Halcion tablet at 4:30 A.M.Between then and when I got up this morning at nineo’clock, I remember hearing the faint but distinct ring of atelephone two different times. I didn’t take note of when theyhappened. I was too tired to open my eyes and look at theclock as I usually do. Besides, since I hear these rings so oftennow, and can tell them apart from the actual ringing of myphone, I don’t have to respond to them.When I got up, I saw that the lid of the gift box that Ikeep against the door at night had become warped and wascurled upward at the edge. Yet it hasn’t rained or beenparticularly humid. Also, that box has been in my bedroom forseveral months, before I started using it as a detection device,and this is the first time that it has been bent out of its originalshape. Could whatever force they use to put the box back inposition after their visits have caused it to warp like that?
Sunday, April 10
th
 
I wrote a poem last night, which describes the conflictbetween my desire to take these visits as a positive experiencein my life and the sense of helplessness that I’m often left withafterwards. I believe it’s the feeling of not being in control thattriggers my body’s panic reactions. Even as I write this now, Ifeel my heart rate quicken with anxiety.I got to bed at 2:30 in the morning, after taking my
 
33Halcion tablet. The sleeping medication kept me unconsciousuntil eight o’clock, when I woke up in a state of mild agitation.I took my pulse and it was higher than accepted norms, but notas bad as during a full panic attack. I was still very tired anddecided to try and sleep some more.I don’t remember any dreams during the first sleepperiod. This is usually the case when I sleep so lightly. Butthis time I had a long and pleasant dream that ended when Iawoke again around eleven o’clock, feeling fully rested. I wantto describe it here because I think that the symbolism is fairlyobvious, when examined in the context of my nocturnal visits.I’m on some mass transit system (bus or train) withmany people and we’re off on a vacation. I don’t know any of them personally, but they’re all a friendly lot. We get to theresort and I’m assigned to take the group in a small openmotorized shuttle from the office area out to the cabins. Theroute I take is unpaved and confusing at times, but there’ssomeone there walking outside the shuttle who helps menavigate the path through the woods. At last we reach the cabinarea, but our rooms are on the roof of a building that is two orthree stories tall. We all climb the ladder attached to theoutside of the building to get to the roof and our separaterooms.In the dream I have been traveling with a small girlabout Katherine’s age, although it is not obviously her. She
 
34looks to me to guide and protect her and she expects to sharemy room with me. Meanwhile a woman has taken a specificliking to me and wants to bunk with me instead. But what of the little girl? She expects me to stay with her. “It’s okay,”I’m told. “There is another child she can stay with.” I’mreassured that she won’t mind switching rooms and, to mysurprise, she doesn’t.Well, this vacation is turning out to be fun. Here is abeautiful woman who wants to be with me with the expectationof friendly sex. In fact, after the group gathers and has dinner,my female companion can hardly wait to return to our cabin forexactly that reason. In fact, she is in such a hurry to begin thatshe literally pushes me up the ladder to the top of the roof where our love nest awaits.When we get to the roof, we find a lively party inprogress. I meet a man who seems friendly at first, but later heassaults me by throwing a bomb in my direction. It misses meand fails to go off. It’s then that I see that it is a big firecracker,the implication being that it was meant more to frighten than toharm.The others immediately grab him and tell me that thereis nothing to worry about, that they won’t let him try to harmme again. To detain him, they press him up against the wall,while a few of the partygoers accompany me to the office tocall the police.
 
35When I return, again climbing the ladder to get to theroof, I find that the “madman” is loose again and angry as hell.He does a series of high acrobatic somersaults, much like DarylHannah did in the movie, “Blade Runner.” Giving me a glaringlook, he charges directly at me, doing those somersaults. Hepurposely doesn’t stop, going past me instead and over the edgeof the roof in an angry suicide. I look down and see that he isstill alive, although badly hurt. People come and take himaway and, again, the group reassures me that I needn’t fear himanymore.The party picks up again, this time with me as the“guest of honor.” The woman whom I had met beforecontinues to flirt with me. She’s good looking and quitelikeable, so off we go to the bedroom. Everyone gathers towatch through the door, which has large glass panels, but Iprefer privacy and drape a sheet over the door to block theirview. However, this doesn’t deter their good-natured curiosityand they try to peek around the edges of the sheet anyway.I woke up at that point, feeling completely rested andpeaceful. The dream gave me all that I needed, the casting outof anger and fear, reassurance that I was not in danger, andfriendly support from people who seem to really like me. Iteven suggested a motive for their intrusion into my life(peeking through the door), that of genuine curiosity.In reality, I’m sure that there is more to it than that. I
 
36suspect, though, that a great adventure lies ahead of me justtrying to figure out what that “more” is.
CONFRONTING THE BOOGIE MAN
An unknown creatureVisits me at night.With big dark eyes, My heart is pounding and racing,He fills me with fright. A full panic attack,But it’s an instinctive reaction,He shatters my sense Nothing based upon fact.Of peace and well being,Coming and going, For as I see it,All the time unseen. He’s done me no harm.It’s just my bodyLike a Leprechaun, That sounds the alarm.He pokes and teases.Nothing can stop him. My mind, instead,He does what he pleases. Wants to perceiveThat which he hasBut as I stare at him, For me to receive.Lying there in my bedShaking with fear, Answers to questions?My soul full of dread, I don’t think he’ll tell,For we make our own heaven,The thought comes to me And we make our own hell.That I do not know,If this creature I see But I can use his visitsIs really a foe. To shrink or to grow.This is my choice,If we live our lives That I now know.Thinking we’re in control,Finding we’re not My body I’m sureTakes a physical toll. Will recover in time.As I reach for the stars,It will follow behind.Chuck WeissApril 9, 1994
 
37
Monday, April 11
th
 
Today I spent the afternoon with Leila. She caught upon the latest entries in my journal and recommended ahypnotherapist she knows, saying that if she ever neededhypnotherapy he would be the only person whom she wouldtrust. I know that to trust anyone that much would be hard forLeila. There are very few people to whom she would relinquishcontrol for any reason.I’ll give this guy a call based upon her highrecommendation.
Tuesday, April 12
th
 
I called the hypnotherapist that Leila recommended andleft a message on his answering machine. He returned my calland, after I nervously explained why I wanted hypnotherapy, herecommended that I see a friend of his who is more versed inthe phenomenon of Alien Abduction.I told him that I preferred someone who was not alreadyinvolved in this sort of thing, so as not to color any of thequestions that would be asked while I was under hypnosis. Heunderstood and agreed to see me. However, the earliest date hehas available is May 13
th
. I have another month ahead of meuntil I can begin to resolve this. I feel a little better, though, just knowing that I might soon have some reasonable evidenceto prove to myself, and maybe even to others, that I’m not ahysteric.
 
38But if hypnosis doesn’t uncover anything, what then?Either I’m being abducted by Aliens, or I have definite mentalproblems. Either outcome is uncomfortable to contemplateand, if I’m not careful, I could land in a mental institutionregardless.
Wednesday, April 13
th
 
Tonight I was rereading the description of my“vacation” dream. The part where the “madman” confronts meand somersaults off the edge of the roof struck a chordsomewhere deep down inside. His angry leap off the rooftopreminded me of another dream I had years ago, when Katherinewas perhaps three or four years old.In that dream I heard someone screaming. It was a veryloud series of screams, very insistent and very long in duration.I searched and searched in vain for its source. There wasnothing but blackness, nothing at all but pitch black and thesound of that screaming.The screams grew louder and louder, filling my headalmost to bursting. I tried to wake up, but couldn’t. Finally Isaw a window and there, on the ledge, was a little girl. It wasthe girl who was screaming, and for some reason she was veryangry with me. Her screams were so loud that I had to covermy ears, but it just wouldn’t stop. I finally shouted, “Okay!Jump! Jump!” and she leaped off the ledge. The screamingstopped and I relaxed.
 
39Now, as I remember the dream, what stands out is theintensity of the scream. I couldn’t find where it was comingfrom and there wasn’t anywhere I could go to get away from it.It was so real. I hear it now, as I write this. I was in a panic. Iknow that I tried to wake up, but the dream wouldn’t end. Thescreaming wouldn’t stop.It sounded unrelenting, in that it was a series of screams, one with each breath. It was that unrelenting qualitythat reminded me of a temper tantrum, and I think that’s why Iassociated it with an angry child in the dream. But now I knowthat scream belonged to my Katie, a terrified little girl whocouldn’t understand why Mommy and Daddy didn’t come toher rescue. I’m sure that this must have been one of Katherine’s first visits. This explanation feels so right deepdown inside that it must be true.I’m so sorry, Katie. Please forgive me.
Thursday, April 14
th
 
Most dreams are just dreams, the subconscious mindworking things out with the conscious mind, the left handcommunicating with the right. Then, there are dreams that aremore than just dreams. These are a communication of somesort. We might have one or two of these in our lifetime, andtheir impact is usually so great that it leaves us trying to explainthem in some religious or spiritual way. But what I felt in thatdream was neither. I can’t remember ever having had a dream,
 
40before or since, where there was nothing but blackness. That’sall there was, blackness and that screaming in my head.I’m sure that it was Katherine’s scream that I heard,because I’ve heard it once before. It was when she was barely ayear old. She had just learned to walk when she got away fromher mother at a party we attended and stumbled, head first,through a basement door with glass panels. She cut a bloodygash above her eye and had to receive stitches at the hospitalemergency room. In preparation, the nurse put Katherine into achild’s straightjacket. I never saw Katherine so determined asshe struggled violently against the restraints. Somehow, shemanaged to get her hands free. After three nurses finally gother back into the straightjacket, they wrapped her up in plastictape like a mummy, to insure that she couldn’t escape again.Katherine screamed and screamed throughout theprocedure, one scream with each breath, her eyes rolling up intoher head, leaving just the white underside of her eyeballsvisible. At the time it upset her mother and me very much.This was that same scream that I heard in the blackness of my“dream.” I’m sure of it!Last night I cried for two hours before going to bed,exhausted and drained. This morning I reread what I wrote lastnight and cried some more. I feel like someone who was heldat gunpoint and forced to listen to the screams of his daughterbeing raped in the room next door.
 
41There is a tremendous amount of anger in me now. Ivowed last night to find the answer to all of this and to knowwhy! Why do they terrorize little children? If they know thatfirst contact is so frightening to us, why don’t they at least limittheir encounters to adults? My positive feelings about my ownrecent encounters have suddenly turned to either distrust, atbest, or to vengeful hate when I stop and think of Katie.As I wait for my hypnotherapy session, I know that it’sonly a matter of time until I begin to get some answers. I needto focus on that, so that meanwhile I can do all the mundaneday-to-day things that are required of everyone. As more of themental blocks begin to fall away, who knows what I maysuddenly remember?
Late Evening:
To summarize, I believe that I have beenabducted/visited by ETs off and on since early childhood, andthat my daughter is now beginning her own lifelong odysseywith these encounters. Now this is either true or it’s not. If it’snot true, then all the better. “False alarm, folks. You can all gohome now.” If it is true, however, their agenda is eitherbeneficial and worth the pain it causes people, or it’s not.People will gladly submit to heavy sacrifices if the cause isnoble enough, but can space aliens be trusted to be any moretruthful than the humans on whom they experiment? If thelaboratory monkey could inquire as to the motives of the
 
42research scientist, would the scientist tell the truth, or insteadsay anything that would inspire the monkey to cooperate?People loved
Close Encounters of the Third Kind 
. Withall that beautiful music, who wouldn’t want to be like RichardDreyfuss and go off to heaven with the little people in theirspaceship? And of course if you should really happen to meetan Extraterrestrial, just give him some candy and let him playwith your toys, then he’ll be your buddy for life.Well folks, it’s not like that. These little people comeright into your bedroom and, after they give you the biggestshock of your life, they take you and slice up your genitals.How’s that for fun? Maybe they should abduct StevenSpielberg, carve up his penis, make him listen to the screams of his children, and then ask him to make a sequel to E.T.!
Friday, April 15
th
 
I woke up at 2:26 A.M., again because of the audiohallucination, but went right back to sleep. I was too exhaustedto give a damn. When I awoke again, it was almost six o’clock.I haven’t slept that long in ages.I felt calmer this morning. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just numb.
Afternoon:
The MacNeil/Lehrer News Hour had a disturbing storytoday. In Rwanda twelve hundred people were massacred,hacked to death with machetes inside a church. Half of the
 
43victims were said to be children. Hearing that deflated mysense of righteousness. If we as a species can murder our ownchildren like that, who’s to say that they don’t have the right tostudy us, even if they do traumatize us in the process? I don’tknow anymore.
Evening:
Katherine is expecting to spend this weekend with me.I’m supposed to pick her up tomorrow afternoon. I’m worriedthough, that they might use the opportunity to take us together.I don’t want to hear her scream again.
Sunday, April 17
th
 
This was my weekend with Katherine, and she spentlast night with me. We slept in my bed because she refuses tosleep alone, whether in her house or mine. I have a couple of four-foot-long body pillows and I used one to divide the bedbetween us. Katie will be nine in July and I have to show somemodesty with her.Tonight we watched her videotape of 
The Secret Garden
, one of her current favorites, and my copy of themovie,
 Dennis the Menace
. I had to also reserve time in theevening’s schedule for one of her favorite TV shows,
 Are You Afraid of the Dark?
She says she loves scary mysteries.This is surprising to me, knowing that she frightens veryeasily. Her mother and I have often commented about howfearful Katherine is, almost as if she were an abused child. We
 
44have always agreed upon one point of parenting. We never hitKatie. She has never had a spanking. We choose more subtleforms of discipline instead, like disapproving looks and periodsof “time-out.” In fact, we’ve done everything we could think of to build her self-esteem. So why her timidity?Actually she was much different when she was younger.Almost from birth, Katherine believed and acted as if the onlydifference between her and any adult was just knowing how theworld worked. I remember that on the day she learned how totie her shoes, she announced quite confidently to her motherand me that the only other thing she needed to learn was how todrive the car.Young Katie moved through the world as if she ownedit. It was almost frightening. I’ve never known another childto be so self-confident, but now her demeanor is quite theopposite. Whereas when she was younger she expected to betreated as an adult wherever she went, now she’s afraid of standing out in any way. I think the change in her personalitybegan when she was about three or four years old, and Katiewas about that age when I had that dream of her screaming.Could the initial trauma of her abductions have caused such adrastic change in her personality?The
 Are You Afraid of the Dark?
episode we watchedtonight dealt with facing one’s worst fears. After it was over, Itook the opportunity to ask Katherine what it is that frightens
 
45her the most. She answered with a determination that told methat she had already given this some serious thought. “Trolls!”she said firmly.“What kind of trolls?” I asked.“Like the one in that movie,” she replied.I confirmed that she was referring to
 Ernest Scared Stupid 
. We had rented it about a year ago and I remember thatthe troll monster in the movie scared her terribly. She had seena couple of the
 Ernest 
movies with her cousin, who is a yearyounger than her, and they both had enjoyed them. All hadgone well with this one too, until the troll monster firstappeared. Katherine became frantic. She couldn’t look at theTV screen and finally ran from the room, despite my assurancesthat there wasn’t anything to be afraid of. I’ve never seen herreact to anything with such obvious terror. She later told methat it was the glowing red eyes that frightened her so. Everysince then trolls have been her worst fear.Katherine always used to sleep with a light on. Foryears she insisted that her bedroom’s overhead light be left oneach night when she went to bed. We finally got her to accept abright table lamb instead, but now she wants total darknesswhenever she sleeps. I’ve begun sleeping with a nightlightmyself, but last night Katherine asked me to disconnect itwhenever she sleeps over. “You can see everything with it on,”
 
46she complained, looking slowly around the room to suggest thatthere were things hidden in the dark that she’d rather not see.Last night was uneasy for us both. I felt that withKatherine and me sleeping in the same house, an abduction waslikely. I purposely didn’t take my sleep medication because Iwanted to be alert enough to hear any audio signal. They’remuch fainter now, compared to those I first noticed in mid-January, although they’re instantly recognizable due to theirunusual sharpness and clarity. I think it’s because the soundoriginates deep within my own mind, instead of comingthrough my over-waxed ear canals.Without my sleeping pill, my normal anxiety acted tokeep me awake. We went to bed at 12:30 in the morning. Iremained alert while Katherine fell asleep. She kept tossingand turning, though, and twice suddenly sat straight up in bedto look around her. Both times I reassured her that everythingwas all right, and she lay back down again to instantly resumeher troubled sleep.I was fully alert until about 2:30 A.M. At that time, Isuddenly realized that I was fighting to stay awake. I sat on theedge of the bed for a while and then forced myself to get up andgo into the living room. I felt that “they” were there, lurking just around the corners. I should have had an anxiety attack atsuch a thought. Instead I was fighting hard to keep my eyesopen. My eyes would slowly close, and I would have to remind
 
47myself that I had to stay awake for Katherine’s sake. It wasthat thought alone that gave me the strength to open them justlong enough to look around the room again, but it was a losingbattle. I was falling asleep and nothing that I could do wasgoing to prevent it. I think it was after four o’clock when Ifinally went back to bed. I wanted at least to loseconsciousness while lying next to my daughter, instead of in achair in the next room.It was shortly after sunrise when I woke up. Katherinewas sleeping much more soundly at that point, so I got up andmade some coffee, letting her sleep the sleep of the dead untilshe finally got out of bed at about one in the afternoon.I asked her how she had slept, and if she had had anybad dreams, since she had tossed and turned so much. Shedidn’t remember any dreams, but admitted to not sleeping wellat night in general. She said that she is the most rested onweekends, when she can sleep as late as she likes. Her motherhas long complained to me that she sleeps so late on Saturdayand Sunday afternoons that she doesn’t play outside as much asshe should.I asked Katherine if she knew when her problem of notsleeping well at night began. She gave it a moment of carefulthought and said, “After I moved back to my room.” Aftersleeping with her mother for over a year, she told me last week that she had moved back into her room. Katherine’s sleeping
 
48problems go back several years, so I believe that she wasthinking of her most recent wave of nighttime anxiety attackswhen she answered my question.This afternoon, Katherine and I took a walk to a nearbypark. Along the way, we stopped at a driveway and silentlywatched a small whirlwind gather up oak leaves into a circularpile. We both stared hypnotically at the moving circle of leavesfor a good minute or so, and as we turned away to cross thestreet, Katherine said in a small voice, “Little people andinsects.” I could hardly believe my ears, because the visitorsare often described as “insects” or “insect-like.”“Did you say, ‘little people and insects’?” I asked.“Uh huh”“What about them?”“The leaves looked like little people and insects,” shereplied.Margaret has been complaining to me that Katherine isalready acting like a teenager, complete with periods of depression and outbursts of anger. She also suffers from thesame nighttime anxiety attacks and disrupted sleep patterns as Ido. As far as I know, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder isn’thereditary, but my little girl is displaying all the symptomsnonetheless.“Trolls . . . little people and insects.”
 
49
Tuesday, April 19
th
 
I lay down to take a nap this afternoon. After a while Iwas able to doze off, but I woke up fully alert when I heard thefaint, but very distinct, single ring of a telephone. It neversounds like my bedroom phone. The tone is always a littledifferent.I opened my eyes and took note of the time, 4:52 P.M. Iimmediately became very sleepy. I couldn’t keep my eyesopen, although I had been wide awake just a few momentsbefore. I barely had but a few seconds with which to notice thesudden change in my mental alertness before falling into a deepsleep. I awoke again at 6:13 P.M., feeling very refreshed.I almost hesitate to report this. Although I was tired andneeded a nap, when I laid down I was feeling rather sexy andfell asleep snuggling up to my pillows. They felt good againstmy skin and gave me a warm sensual feeling, letting me relaxinto sleep. Later as I was getting dressed, I noticed that mypenis was shrunken and shriveled. I touched myself and foundthat it was moist and smelled of semen, but I couldn’t find anyevidence of a “wet dream” in my bedding.I’ve heard that men who are abducted are often milkedof their sperm or given the chance to mate in the traditionalway. If I’m going to make it with someone, however, I’d liketo remember the experience!
 
50
Late Evening:
In his book,
Communion
, Strieber warns the “visited”against judging whether the phenomenon they’re experiencinghas existence in reality. For our own sanity, he encourages usto take the position of an agnostic. What? Just forget about itand go about my business?To believe that the phenomenon is completely in themind of the subject, one must come to the position that he orshe is in need of professional psychiatric help. I was concernedwith exactly that possibility earlier, and it was a very difficulttime for me.To believe that these experiences are grounded inphysical reality is to start an endless stream of speculation. Ialready find that I spend most of my time thinking about all thedifferent possibilities that this portends. As a result, I’ve beenall over the map emotionally, ranging from hopeful acceptanceto angry defiance.To believe, or not to believe (or to ignore what’shappening entirely) – that is the question. But how does oneignore something like this? I feel like I’ve opened a Pandora’sBox and, as much as I might like, I can’t put things back theway they were. The demons have already escaped. I’m sorryMr. Strieber, but I’ve gone through too much to pretend thatthis isn’t happening.
 
51
Wednesday, April 20
th
 
Margaret called to ask me for my mother’s phonenumber because she has mislaid her address book. She’smaintained a good relationship with her, even after ourseparation. I’m happy about that, for Katherine’s sake.Margaret knows of my ET visits. We had dinner at aloud Mexican restaurant a while ago and, after I had a couple of beers and she had a couple of margaritas, I mustered the nerveto tell her and she was relaxed enough to listen.At first she believed me, even expressing willingness atthe time to undergo hypnosis to see if it would reveal anything.But now she vacillates between thinking me eccentric at best,or mentally ill at worst. Her last stated position on the subjectwas, “I don’t want to believe it.” I can understand herdilemma. If Margaret accepts what is happening, then she mustalso accept her inability to do anything about it. At this point inour relationship she doesn’t really care that much about me, butwhen it comes to Katherine’s welfare she is like a lionessprotecting her cub. To believe that her daughter is beingkidnapped in the middle of the night and to know that she can’tprevent it is just too much for her to cope with. Denial can bean effective protection device.Our conversation turned to Katherine, the one subjectthat Margaret and I can agree on. It seems that Katherine had
 
52moved back to her room a few nights ago, but now wants tosleep with her mother again.I told Margaret about what Katherine had said regardingher sleep problems, and how they started up again after shetried sleeping in her own bed. I tried to tell Margaret that,although I had originally urged Katherine to try and move back into her own room, I now thought that we should support heremotionally and let her sleep wherever she wants.Margaret started to protest, saying that she didn’t think Katherine was being abducted. I reassured her that Iunderstood her skepticism and that I wasn’t trying to changeher mind about that. (We never did communicate too well.) Iwas only trying to say that I was no longer concerned about theappropriateness of Katherine sleeping with her mother.At that, Margaret relaxed a bit and told me that it hadbeen Katherine’s idea to try and sleep in her room again. Theyhad a little argument about something or other, and that hadgiven Katherine the motivation to try and be independent. Itdidn’t work. Now she’s back again sleeping with her mother,after only a few nights alone in her old bedroom.What has frightened Katherine so much as to send herrunning back to her mother’s bed, when she wanted so much tobe free and independent of her?
Friday, April 22
nd
 
I saw my doctor again today, a follow-up to my annual
 
53physical exam of last month. I could see by the look on hisface and how it changed that it took him a few seconds toremember my unusual case. I told him that I had made anappointment with a hypnotherapist and that I knew I was goingto need some kind of help, one way or another, depending onthe outcome. If we can’t discover anything unusual then I’mgoing to need psychiatric help, I told him; and if I’m reallybeing abducted, then I’m going to need some special helpcoping with that. I think that made him feel better.As he started to wrap up the meeting, I asked if he hadconsulted with any of his colleagues about the scar on mygenitals. I had asked him to do this a month ago, but heevidently had forgotten. He then wrote a referral for me to aJewish urologist who has a lot of experience doingcircumcisions and should be able to offer a medical opinion asto whether or not my scar could be a result of that particularsurgical procedure.When I get the insurance paperwork in the mail, I’ll beable to call and make an appointment. I’m a little annoyed,though. I’ve wasted a whole month because my doctor didn’tthink to make this referral before.On a humorous note, I was sitting on the edge of mybed setting the alarm on my clock radio, when I heard a pair of electronic beeps. With heart pounding, I quickly took to mybedside pen and paper to document the incident. It was only
 
54after the beeps repeated themselves several times that I wasable to track them across the room, to my air purifier. Itappears that it’s time to change the filters.Tomorrow will be a full day at the Whole Life Expo, anannual festival of all the “weird stuff,” with lectures andworkshops on such topics as Astrology, Past Lives, CropCircles, UFOs and, of course, Alien Abductions. I want to tryand at least get some address or phone number, with which tocontact a support group. I expect that any such group willrequire something to attend their meetings, perhaps a referralfrom a licensed therapist, in order to separate the people whoreally need such support from those who fantasize that they do.At least I’ll have the information in hand when I’m ready toapply.
2
 
Saturday, April 23
rd
 
I spent the day and evening with Leila at this year’sWhole Life Expo. Of course I was mainly interested inwhatever was being offered in the way of lectures or workshopson “Alien Abduction,” or “Close Encounters of the FourthKind” (CE-4), as those who take a more neutral view call it.There were two related events scheduled: a lecture by EdithFiore, and a screening of the movie
Fire in the Sky
hosted by
2
UFO support groups don’t ask for proof of anything. I just didn’t knowthat then.
 
55Travis Walton, the real-life abductee upon whose experiencethe movie was based.In addition to the lecture, Dr. Edith Fiore hosted aworkshop on her real specialty, “Past Lives.” The lecture onabductions was free with the price of admission, but theworkshop on Past Lives cost an additional fifteen dollars. If attendance is any indication, I bet that she’ll rethink herstrategy on that one. Even as her CE-4 lecture was ending,there was a steady stream of people still filing into the room.Dr. Fiore listed ten typical indicators of the CE-4phenomenon. They are as follows.1.
 
A “Missing Time” episode. The person remembersan incident where there was an apparent jump intime.2.
 
“Night Terrors.” The person might wake up in asweat at night or have nightmares about UFOs orAliens.3.
 
Sleep disorders, such as chronic insomnia. Theperson might not be able to sleep but a couple of hours at a time during the night, but can usuallysleep normally during the day.4.
 
Waking up to a “tingling” or “burning” feeling,paralysis or a feeling of pressure.5.
 
Unexplained physical marks on the body, such asbruises, scars, scabs or scrape marks.6.
 
Memories of seeing a UFO.7.
 
Fear or anxiety of UFOs or Extraterrestrials.8.
 
Memories of a close encounter with somethingstrange or unusual.
 
569.
 
Unexplained or “spontaneous” healings.10.
 
Feelings of being watched or monitored, or thatthere was some kind of communication withsomething unknown.Also found associated with this experience are (1) apersonal sense of mission or a change in the consciousness orpersonality of those abducted, and (2) heightened psychicability after contact.Of the first ten indicators listed above, I personallyexhibit eight of them. Here is my list as it corresponds to Dr.Fiore’s numbers, omitting only numbers 6, memory of an actualsighting.1.
 
I’ve documented two possible “Missing Time”episodes in this journal. (Entries dated April 4
th
andApril 6
th
.) The first was of a memory of somethinghappening in Oklahoma at my grandparents’ homewhen I was a young boy, but there was an apparent“jump in time” from when I was trying to look outthe front window onto the driveway, to suddenlybeing in another room of the house. The second,much more recent, was when three hours passed thatseemed like a half hour at most.2.
 
I’ve described waking up in a panic, specifically onthe night of February 28
th
, although there have beenseveral such incidents since mid-January.3.
 
As for sleep disorders, I’m taking Halcion, aprescription sleep medication, to help with mynighttime insomnia, and I haven’t been able to sleepfor more than two or three hours in a row since thisall began.
 
574.
 
Although I don’t remember waking up to anyunusual physical sensations, I described feelingpressure against my lower back while sitting on thecouch after my exercise injury. (Journal entry of February 21
st
.)5.
 
I’ve documented two parallel scab lines at the baseof my neck that came and went at least three timesthat I can remember, along with a long scrape mark on my left shoulder. (Journal entries of February18
th
and March 22
nd
.) And then, of course, there isthe scar in my penis.7. In the beginning, when I first became aware of allthis, there were times when I woke up with my heartracing. This was always accompanied by feelings of great anxiety. These nighttime anxiety attacks Ibelieve came right after an ET visit and have beenwell documented in this journal. I even wrote apoem about it. And then there is the general senseof anxiety I often feel, a nameless dread thatsometimes comes over me and follows methroughout the day.8.
 
I vaguely remember a Close Encounter of some sortat my grandparent’s house in Oklahoma when I wasa small boy. (Journal entry of April 4
th
.)9.
 
I experienced a spontaneous healing on the eveningof February 21
st
, which I documented at the time.10.
 
I described how I must have been monitored thatnight, for the healing to have taken place so quicklyafter the injury. Also, on the night of April 16
th
 while Katherine lay sleeping, I definitely felt that Iwas being watched as I fought to stay awake.And then the two bonus points! (1) Arian, a friend of mine, made the remark one night that I don’t seem to be as judgmental as I used to be. I think she’s right. I’m much more
 
58tolerant of people’s mistakes. I feel like, “Who am I to judge?”Also, although I feel that I have always had a healthy respectfor animal life, now I could almost qualify as a Tibetan monk.There are spiders weaving their webs in the stairway leading tothe basement and in the corners of some of the rooms. Whereasbefore I wouldn’t have thought twice about cleaning them out,now I just can’t bring myself to do it. “Live and let live.” (I just started to cry as I wrote this. My feelings are so close tothe surface; and life, any life, seems so precious to me now.)And (2), I noticed today as I walked through the crowdat the Whole Life Expo that I was very “altered.” I had aheightened sense of psychic perception all day. I saw a womanwho made me do a double-take because she literally radiated awhite light. It was like looking directly into a light bulb. I hadto stop myself from staring, I was so surprised. As I walkedthrough the exhibits, I would feel the difference in the energylevels that they generated. It was particularly noticeable when Iwalked past an exhibit of crystals. Wham! It was as if I washit physically, the blast was so powerful. I’ve never beenreceptive to these kinds of invisible energies before, but today Iwas acutely aware of them.Eleven, out of a possible score of twelve! I think Ideserve at least an A- on Dr. Fiore’s CE-4 test.
Sunday, April 24
th
 
Reflecting upon my experiences of yesterday at the
 
 
59Whole Life Expo, I was struck by the types of people I sawattending the CE-4 related events. Most of the crowd lookedlike your average convention-going public, mainly concernedwith finding the right meeting room, getting good seats, lookingaround for friends, generally enjoying the experience.Then there were the ones who looked very serious, evenworried. They would walk into the room, totally absorbed intheir thoughts, usually led by a friend or companion. They took notes, hanging on every word, but they definitely were nothaving a good time. These people were obviously personallyinvolved in the CE-4 experience.There were also the “wannabes,” people who enjoy theidea of being among the abducted. There are so many peoplewho want to escape their “lives of quiet desperation,” asThoreau described it, that they easily enter into fantasy worlds.If they can as easily exit from those worlds, then their fantasiescan be beneficial. Even if they become obsessive about it, if their fantasies revolve around something obviously fictitious,like science fiction or mystery novels, then there is no harmdone. (Hey, I’m a
Star Trek 
fan myself.)However when the situation is a real mystery, like theUFO phenomenon, then the line between reality and fantasybecomes too thin for many people to distinguish. While theycan’t be a Luke Skywalker or Captain Kirk, they can fantasizeabout being one of the “in crowd” of people who have actually
 
60experienced a close encounter with a UFO or anExtraterrestrial. These people don’t know when they’re welloff, and should be careful of what they wish for.To the delight of the intelligence community, which hasworked long and hard to cover up anything having to do withUFOs, they only serve to muddy the waters. I’m sure that therewere many silent cameras clicking away yesterday during thetwo CE-4 related events. It goes with out saying that if thegovernment is interested in real UFO activity, then they are alsointerested in those people who have real contact with theiroccupants.Since the Roswell Incident in 1947, our government hasbeen willing to ruin the reputation of many professionalobservers such as airline pilots, police officers, etc., bycirculating false reports of their drunkenness or mentalinstability. It’s only prudent to assume that it’s ready to usesuch tactics to discredit abductees, as well.The stakes are even higher today, as more and morepeople are beginning to talk about their contact experiences.Governments around the world are doing everything possible toprevent human contact with Extraterrestrials. Such contactonly serves to undermine the Military-Industrial complex,which really runs this planet. Who will be willing to die forGod and country anymore when it becomes obvious that, not
 
61only are we not alone in the universe, but that the neighbors arehere, knocking at our door?
Late Evening:
 The sexual/genetic nature of this phenomenon maysuggest why the number of cases involving women over fifty isreported to be so much less than for women who are younger.And it seems that Alien Abductions are all but unknown forwomen over sixty. As a man, however, I have many moreyears of sperm production ahead of me. Therefore, I canprobably expect that my visits will continue for many years tocome.Arian suggested a vasectomy as a final answer to myproblem. If I no longer have what they want, then there wouldbe no need to come and take me in the night. I know that she’sright and, considering all the anxiety that this is causing me, itis probably not an unreasonable course of action to at leastconsider. But I must say that the idea of a vasectomy hasalways repelled me. I know that I don’t want to sire any morechildren. The future is going to get pretty unpleasant for mostof humanity, starting in Katherine’s lifetime. The GreenhouseEffect, toxic waste, the thinning of the ozone layer,overpopulation and diminishing natural resources will allcombine to lessen the expectations of every creature on Earth,except perhaps the cockroach.Maybe my manhood is so insecure that, subconsciously,
 
62a vasectomy seems like castration. Or, maybe subconsciously Iknow that a vasectomy will help to mess up some intergalacticgenetic experiment that has some profound importance for allthe races of beings involved, including us. Who knows? I justknow that I don’t want one.And of course it wouldn’t do anything to helpKatherine. I can’t ask her to have a hysterectomy as a cure forher night terrors. If I remain involved in this, however, there isalways the chance that I can help her in some way.
Monday, April 25
th
 
Included at the end of the book 
Communion
is astatement from Donald D. Klein, M.D., attesting that he hadexamined Whitley Strieber and found that he was not sufferingfrom a psychosis, or any other mental disorder, and thatStrieber had made an honest attempt while under hypnosis todescribe what he remembered. The statement ends with thisobservation, “He appears to me to have adapted very well tolife at a high level of uncertainty.” I wish I could.There is a short film titled
Powers of Ten
, which, inorder to show the power of geometric progression, starts with aclose-up of an object one meter square and then moves thecamera back in a series of photos, each of which is ten timesfurther away than the one before. It isn’t long before thecamera’s perspective is deep in space.By the time the camera zooms past the planets and
 
63leaves our solar system, the viewer begins to feel prettyinsignificant. The film then reverses the process and zoomsfrom outside our galaxy back through the solar system, tofinally come home again. When Earth comes back into view,viewers can feel a sense of relief at having found their wayhome from such a long and disorienting distance. I’ve beensnatched away from everyday reality so fast, and thedisorientation that I feel as a result is so profound, that I’m notsure that I can ever “find my way home again.” Is this whatthey mean by a “paradigm shift?”
3
 I’m hopeful that with hypnotherapy I will eventually beable to sleep comfortably again, even if these nighttime visitscontinue. It’s not the visits themselves that I dread. In fact Ioften physically feel much better afterwards. It’s theimplications of these visits that boggle my mind.I watched an episode of 
 In Search Of . . .
on televisiontoday. It was about Michael Rockefeller, the son of the formerGovernor of New York. He had been an amateuranthropologist and had been trying to document the culture of aStone Age tribe in New Guinea, when he died. This tribe wasalready losing faith in their old ways and customs. Their sense
3
Go to www.powersof10.com/index.php?mod=ten_day and click on thelink to the left of the screen, then register with your email address toview this classic nine-minute film. (I have to admit, though, I rememberit being much more impressive on the big screen.)
 
64of identity was evaporating fast, as they began to want moreand more of what western civilization has to offer.When a man finds out that in a larger universe he’sactually a mouse, what happens to his sense of identity?Eventually my body will become used to the research scientistplucking it from its cage to poke and probe. I’m uncertain,however, as to how to react to this new reality that treats mepersonally in such an impersonal manner.
Tuesday, April 26
th
 
This is strange. I want to get this down on paper whilethis is still fresh in my mind and before my sleeping medicationtakes affect. It’s 11:15 P.M. and my dear friend Dick Mayfieldis napping on my couch in the living room while I prepare forbed myself.I’ve known Dick for over twenty years. I rented a roomfrom him back in 1972 while I went to college on the G. I. Bill,and we’ve been good friends ever since. Dick has been in poorhealth for years. In 1980, his doctor told him that he had onlyabout six months to live, due to an enlarged heart. Although hehas outlived that doctor (and two others) his health still hasn’timproved fourteen years later.In addition to his heart problems, two years ago he wasdiagnosed with terminal prostate cancer. Again the medicalestablishment gave him but a few months to live. Dick declined any radiation treatments or chemotherapy, preferring
 
65to die if need be with dignity, rather than be slowly consumedby the very therapies meant to save his life. Shortly after Dick made that decision and was prepared emotionally to meet hisend, the tumor spontaneously arrested itself. It had all thedoctors scratching their heads.This afternoon I received a short phone call from Dick.With desperation in his voice, he asked me if he could spendthe night on my couch. Of course I said he could, and he saidthat he would come right over.As soon as I hung up the phone my mother called. (Shehas maintained her own close friendship with Dick over theyears, his age being much closer to hers than mine.) She askedif Dick had called me yet. He had evidently called her first.When I replied that he had, she explained that he was close tosuicide and that he needed to be with someone tonight. Motherlives with her boyfriend and Dick probably felt uncomfortableasking to stay with them. I assured Mother that I would takegood care of Dick and we ended our conversation.When Dick arrived he told me that, although he can’texplain why, he gets extremely anxious at night and sometimeshe just doesn’t want to be alone. I offered him my sofa bed, buthe said that he hasn’t slept lying down for more than six years,since his nighttime anxiety attacks first began. He preferred,instead, to sleep sitting up on the couch.Upon questioning he also revealed that he hasn’t had
 
66more than two or three hours of uninterrupted sleep for equallyas long. He can usually go back to sleep again, but hisnighttime rest is always disturbed. He admitted that hegenerally sleeps better during the day.It seems that he also suffers from recurring bouts of depression which, when it first develops, can be so strong as tobe paralyzing. The depression diminishes over time, butalways returns again with renewed intensity.These symptoms sound so familiar. Can it be that mygood friend is also an abductee? He suffers from “nightterrors,” has severe sleep disorders and has had a documentedmedical spontaneous healing. I wish I could question him moreclosely to see how many more of Edith Fiore’s CE-4 indicatorshe has experienced, but Dick is a very private person and Idon’t want to be too intrusive.Dick was quite concerned as he relayed all of this to meand seemed to be at his wit’s end. I reassured him that in fact Itoo suffer from the same sleep disorders. His eyes widened inamazement as I described my own patterns of depression,anxiety attacks and nighttime insomnia. When I had finished,he seemed relieved to find in my story confirmation of his ownunusual condition. I further explained that although oursymptoms are unusual, we are not alone in this; and that it hasbeen estimated that up to two percent of the general population
 
67suffer from the same disrupted sleep patterns and cycles of depression.
4
 It’s something of a shock to find that I have a closefriend who might be a fellow abductee. I wonder how many of my friends share these experiences. For those who are involvedin this phenomenon, do “birds of a feather flock together?” Idon’t know.
Thursday, May 12
th
 
I saw Dr. Irving Katz today. He’s an elderly Jewishurologist who has many years of experience performingcircumcisions. My primary doctor referred me to him in anattempt to determine if there might be a medical explanation forthe scar on the underside of my penis.He described it as an extension of the median raphe, thedividing line between the left and right halves of the scrotum.Although it is rare, he said that it sometimes extends from thescrotum sack up the underside of the penal shaft. It wouldseem that mine is particularly rare, in that the extension isirregular in width and color and is not in a straight line at all.Although Dr. Katz’s examination should put this part of 
4
In 1992 Robert Bigelow commissioned a survey by the RoperOrganization to determine how many people share the most commonindicators of Alien Abduction. The result suggested that 7 millionAmericans (2% of the population) might be involved in the phenomenon.Note: If you Google it, be sure to include the year. Roper did anothersmaller Internet survey in 1999, but the 1992 polling was done in “faceto face” interviews in almost 6,000 homes across the country.
 
68the mystery to rest, I’m not so sure. From the questions heasked (and didn’t ask) and the tone of his voice, I got theimpression that he might have consulted with my primarydoctor before meeting with me today. This is quite possible, astheir offices are in the same medical building, in fact right nextdoor to each other. That only dawned on me today, when Ishowed up for my appointment.If in fact my primary doctor did share what he had readin my journal with Dr. Katz, then Dr. Katz might have felt thathis first duty to me was to put my mind at rest concerning thescar on my penis. If his patient couldn’t remember having hadmajor surgery in that area of the body and believed himself tobe abducted by Aliens, even if it did look like a surgical scar, itwould be understandable that he would not want to add to myanxiety by admitting that he didn’t have any other explanation.From the moment he walked into the examining room, heseemed determined to put me at ease, acting as if my questionswere commonplace.The doctor seemed genuinely puzzled, however, whenhe examined me. It seemed to be a genuine mystery to him, as,one by one he had to discard possible explanations for what hesaw – first Peyronie’s Disease, then sebaceous cysts and finallypenile warts. After determining that I had none of these, hefinally settled on a rare variation of the median raphe, as theonly possible explanation.
 
69Maybe I’ll get another opinion sometime when I canafford to pay for the examination myself and not go through myhealth plan’s referral process. I’ll need to be more forthcomingabout my suspicions, though, if I’m ever to get a doctor toadmit that he doesn’t have an explanation.I have my first hypnotherapy appointment tomorrow.Even after waiting so long for this, I’m nervous as hell.
Friday, May 13
th
 
I was hypnotized for the first time in my life today.What an experience! When I arrived for my appointment withMr. Van Ault I was a little anxious, but he quickly put me atease. Although he is well over six feet tall, he projects a gentleand warm personality that communicates a genuine concern forhis clients.I had mailed him a copy of my journal so that he wouldbe well acquainted with my case when we met. I’ve found thatthis saves a lot of effort when I want to tell my story tosomeone for the first time. After introductions and a cup of hishot coffee, Mr. Ault suggested that we get down to business.I brought a blank cassette tape and tape recorder withme and asked him to document our session. After we set up theequipment and tested recording, I lay down on his “work bench,” a wooden construct which stands waist-high off thefloor. It was comfortable enough.
 
70Mr. Ault then asked me to stare up at the ceiling wherehe had taped a card just inside my field of vision. On the cardwas written the word “peace” and, after a minute or so of staring at it, my eyes were feeding little rivers of tears that randown the sides of my face to the back of my neck. Thistechnique evidently puts the subject into a low hypnotic state,making it that much easier for the hypnotherapist to deepen thetrance later.Mr. Ault took me through a relaxation exercise that leftmy arms and legs feeling as if they were made of lead. Mybody seemed much heavier than usual and I wondered if Iwould be able to move if I tried. But I didn’t try. I didn’t wantto do anything that might upset the process. My purpose was togo into as deep a trance as possible and I followed Mr. Ault’severy suggestion in that regard.He then asked me to visualize a door, beyond whichwas a special room where I would be safe and secure. Icouldn’t seem to picture a room. The only thing I was able to“see” beyond the door was the color blue. At any rate, this bluespace served as the place of safe refuge.An attempt to regress me to the night of April 15
th
 didn’t get very far. (That was the night Katherine stayedovernight with me, and I felt at the time that we had beentaken.) I started feeling anxious and couldn’t bring up anyimages from that evening. Mr. Ault then asked me to pick any
 
71other time I wanted to investigate and to go there instead. Ichose my grandparent’s home in Oklahoma when I was a boy.At first I had trouble picturing the interior of the house.I kept seeing the color blue. Slowly, after what seemed likeseveral minutes, I saw the “eyes.” Big black almond-shapedeyes would rise out of the blue and stare at me briefly, beforefading away.The blue color did disappear eventually to reveal theliving room in Oklahoma, where I had spent many of myhappier childhood moments. I was viewing the scene as if Iwas detached from it, looking from up high and over someone’sshoulder, when a group of little beings with big dark eyesswarmed through the front door and into the room. There weregrown-ups there, Happy, Billy and my mother, trying to standbetween them and me, but to no avail. Within a second or twowe were surrounded by these little people.The scene quickly faded to blue. After a while I couldsee the eyes again. Slowly, complete faces began to appear.Several of them were bent over, starring down at me. If I triedto stare back, to get a better look at the details of their features,the image would fade away again, leaving just the bluebackground color. However, I found that if I closed my eyestightly, the image would return and I could get another quick glimpse.
 
72When I looked up into their faces I began to getemotional. It felt as if they could look right through me. I felthelpless and began to cry.At this point Mr. Ault asked me if I had found out whatI wanted to know. I replied that I wasn’t sure, that I hadconscious memories of some sort of commotion at the frontdoor, and that the hypnotherapy had only given me glimpses of faces. At this point Mr. Ault ended the session and brought meup out of the trance.Although during much of the session I wondered if Iwas in fact hypnotized, the way I felt afterward left me nodoubt. As I opened my eyes and started to move, my body wasvery slow to respond. My mind felt “spaced-out,” like I was onsome kind of hallucinogenic drug. Even my visual sense wasdistorted. I felt detached from what I was seeing, as if I waslooking through the eyes of someone else or watching a movie.These effects soon dissipated, leaving me feeling fully restedand alert. Mr. Ault explained that this was the way peopletypically reported feeling after hypnosis.I asked if there were any way to tell if the images Ireported were in fact long-forgotten memories or the result of what I had read recently on the subject. In other words, wasthis real or just my imagination?He replied that in those cases of regressive hypnosiswhere the subject was reporting false memories, the images
 
73were almost never accompanied by any extreme emotion. Thefact that I had gotten agitated, and even started crying, was agood indication to him that something real was being re-experienced.Now that I’ve confirmed this is actually happening I canstill scarcely believe it. It seems too fantastic to be true. I’veknown deep in my gut that it was true, but there is still a part of me that is going to have trouble believing it. Wow!I have another session with Mr. Ault scheduled for nextFriday.
Monday, May 16
th
 
This afternoon I visited Katherine after school. I’m ableto do this on weekdays because I’m currently unemployed.Until recently I’ve spent Wednesday and Thursday afternoonswith her, but that was when she had softball practice. Now thatthe season’s schedule has begun, I’m trying to time my visits tocoincide with her games, one of which was today.I arrived an hour earlier than Katherine had evidentlyexpected. She had gone to a friend’s house after school, so Ihad some time to spend with Dorothy before Katherine camehome.As I mentioned earlier in this journal, Dorothy is afourteen-year-old girl who lives with Margaret, Katherine andher mother, Maria. Maria has been Katherine’s live-in nannysince Katie was a year old. After that first year with us, we let
 
74Maria send for her two children, Dorothy and Oscar, both of whom had been living with their aunt in Southern California.Margaret and I immediately accepted them as family, andKatherine was thrilled to have an older “brother” and “sister.”After discussing school, rap groups and other teenagesubjects, our conversation turned to the sleeping arrangementsin that household. Margaret has promised Dorothy that she willconvert her office into a bedroom for her. Dorothy wanted toknow if I believed that it would really happen. I reassured herthat it would and used the opportunity to ask her aboutsomething that has puzzled me for some time.About a year and a half ago Dorothy and Katherineshared the same bedroom until, for some reason, they bothabruptly refused to sleep there any longer. Katherine said thatshe was afraid of “monsters and bad men.” Dorothy never didsay why she abandoned that room. She could have had it all toherself, as she now hopes to have Margaret’s office, but shepreferred instead to go back and sleep with her mother in herroom. That wasn’t natural behavior for a teenager so I askedher about it.At first she was hesitant to say anything. I told her thatI thought I knew why, but just wanted her to confirm mysuspicions.“Is it because you were afraid of that room for somereason,” I asked, “or is it because you just didn’t want to sleep
 
75with Katherine anymore?”“No! I love Katie,” she insisted.“Well then, why?” I asked again. “Is it because you’reafraid of that room?”She nodded and, after a long silence said, “I had adream where I heard someone screaming, but I don’t think itwas a dream. I think it was real.” She looked at me like sheknew that what she had just said didn’t make sense.I reassured her that it indeed made perfect sense and thatI fully understood her anxiety. I asked if she had ever felt likethat about any other room in the house. Did she ever feel afraidto sleep in her mother’s room, for example? She answered“no” to both questions and begged me to tell her what I knew.I told her that I really couldn’t go into details, but that itwasn’t likely to happen again. Although she would have likeda better answer, she sensed that she wouldn’t get one and let thematter drop. I had that same “dream” years ago, and now Ifind that Dorothy has had it, too. Another piece of the puzzlehas been added and, although the picture that is forming is theone that I expected, it is unnerving nonetheless.
Tuesday, May 17
th
 
This evening I had another nosebleed. I just blew mynose into a tissue and the blood began to flow from the leftnostril. A susceptibility to nosebleeds is often reported by the“visited.”
 
76It is thought that nosebleeds of this kind are caused bythe body reacting to nasal implants inserted by the visitors.Some speculate that they are inserted to stimulate the temporallobe of the brain, where all the higher emotions of humankindare located, such as feelings of love and compassion and ourconcepts of truth and justice.Looking back on it, I’ve had a problem with nosebleedsoff and on for most of my life. Once, when I was five or six, Ihad a particularly bad one when my grandparents and I were onvacation. We were driving over a mountain range when itbegan, and because of the high elevation it just wouldn’t stop.Happy held my head in the back seat of the car and soaked upthe blood with a towel, and Billy had to stop by the side of theroad several times to let her ring it out.I remember her shouting at Billy to get us off themountain before I bled to death. I especially remember thepanic in her voice. She had always remained cool, and evencalculating, in an emergency; so to see her panic in thissituation was disturbing. It was a frantic ride down off thatmountain.The bleeding stopped when we finally did get down to alower elevation. I’ve read that in some cases the nosebleeds of abductees was so bad that to stop it, the nostril had to bemedically cauterized.Another lifelong pattern that fits the profile.
 
77
Friday, May 20
th
 
I had my second hypnotherapy session with Mr. Aulttoday. Although he took me into a deeper trance, this timewasn’t as productive as the last. We couldn’t even repeat whatwe had done before. Maybe I’m expecting too much, too soon.After we got started, a close-up of a dark almond-shaped eye formed against that familiar blue background, but itquickly faded away. It took a minute or so before I could bringit back, but I found that if I shifted my attention down from theeye I could see more of the face in my peripheral vision. Itcame and went several times before I was able to see thecomplete face, almost triangular in shape, with but a hint of anose or mouth. The skin had a brownish-gray color to it and Ihad the impression that these beings were very old. Howeverthese images would quickly disappear. None of them wouldstay for more than a second or two before fading into the bluebackground. Later in the session I felt that I was lying downand looking up at a large circular light that illuminated the area,but that was as far as we got.This blue thing has Mr. Ault puzzled. I’m beginning tobelieve that it’s a mental block, placed in my mind to preventme from remembering what the ETs want to keep secret.I did get something out of today’s session, though. Mr.Ault gave me a post-hypnotic suggestion to help me sleepwithout medication. All I have to do is lie in bed and count
 
78backwards from one hundred. I can’t wait to give it a try. Itwill be nice not to have to rely on pills to sleep.
Saturday, May 21
st
 
I got to bed at about one in the morning and tried thepost-hypnotic suggestion that Mr. Ault gave me yesterday tohelp me sleep. As I counted backward from a hundred, I couldfeel my body sink like a stone, but I don’t remember sleeping.In fact I remember seeing the clock every forty-five minutes orso, as I turned over in bed.At 3:36 A.M., I felt a definite pressure against my lowerback at the tailbone for a prolonged period of time, perhaps afull minute or so. This was much like what I felt during myspontaneous healing, but of a much longer duration. I took noteagain of the time, 4:15 A.M., when I got up a little while ago,and was surprised to find that I was very much awake, in spiteof having so little sleep. I have the feeling that “they” havebeen here.
5:00 P.M.:
I haven’t shaved today. I usually don’t bother onweekends unless I go somewhere, but all day long my face hasbeen hurting. I finally looked into the bathroom mirror. I havea sunburn!I haven’t been outside of the house today and I waseither in my car or inside a building all day yesterday. I alsoinspect myself in the bathroom mirror each night before
 
79retiring. There is no possible way that I could have gone to bedlast night with my face badly sunburned, yet my face is veryred. How does one get a sunburn indoors at night?
Sunday, May 22
nd
 
Dick Mayfield, my good friend of more than twentyyears, has moved into a hospice where he expects to die fromhis prostate cancer that has now flared up again. He confidedin me that he wants his life to end now. He’s tired of the dailystruggle to keep his body functioning and of the “night terrors”which prevent him from getting any real rest. That’s why hiscancer has started growing again. He’s ready to die.I’ll be taking his apartment. It’s pretty big for a studioand the price is quite reasonable. I need to move soon anyway,although I do wish it were under different circumstances.
Monday, May 23
rd
 
Last night I heard the familiar ring of a telephone. Theclock on my bedside table read 4:45 A.M. The ring was sharpand clear, even if it was faint. I happened to be lying in bed atthe time, having just woken up, or I might not have heard it atall. I think these audio signals come in pairs, the first to mark the beginning of an abduction event, and the second to mark itsend. It could be that I had just been put back in bed and that’swhy I woke up in time to hear the “second” ring.Even with my post-hypnotic suggestion, I wake up
 
80every two hours or so. After I heard the ring, I was able tosleep deeply for about another hour, before getting up for good.
Evening:
To discover that I’m a guinea pig in some grand galacticexperiment is unsettling, to say the least. To realize that it alsoinvolves my daughter triggers all my parental instincts toprotect and defend her; and the frustration that I feel, when Irealize that my effects in that regard are futile, is sometimes toomuch to bear. They will come for either of us, when and whereat their choosing, and I can only hope that it is all for a goodcause.While it may be impossible to speculate as to thereasoning of Alien minds, if we reflect on what little we know,we may find evidence to suggest that their motivations arebenevolent, or at least not hostile.One of the common elements in abduction cases is thenasal implants. I understand that several have actually beenrecovered from the nasal cavities of contactees. These implantsare suspected of stimulating the temporal lobe of the brain,which is the seat of all the higher emotions of man, such astolerance, love, compassion and justice. Is the human racebeing civilized? God knows we need it. There is no moredangerous animal on the face of this planet than Man. I knowthat feelings of kindness don’t necessarily have to be inspiredby Aliens, but there is a pattern of personality changes among
 
81the abducted that reflects a growing concern for life in all itsforms.I can sense that my own feelings of love andcompassion are growing stronger with each visit. I will notconsciously kill another living creature, if I can help it. This iskind of a spiritual pledge that I have taken. If I find a spider inthe bathtub, I’ll transfer it outside before taking my shower.Even the houseflies that occasionally find their way inside aresafe with me.I can also see that same pattern of concern for others inKatherine. I remember an incident when she was three or four,and her mother was going to squash some bug that had invadedthe house. Katherine started crying and begged her not to “killnature.”She recently started taking food (sandwiches, sodas,etc.) to school to leave in the wooded area behind theplayground. She had seen a sleeping bag hidden in the bushesand suspects that a homeless person is in need. I’m so proud of her! But I did caution her not to go up there unless she hassome of her friends with her.A national survey, conducted by a reputable firm,suggested that up to two percent of the American populationmay have undergone the abduction experience. Although theBetty and Barney Hill case of the early 1960s, popularized bythe best-selling book 
The Interrupted 
 
 Journey
, was the first
 
82abduction case to come to the attention of the American public,there is evidence that widespread abductions in the US werehappening throughout the fifties. My own encounter when Iwas a young boy at my grandparents’ home in Oklahoma wasaround 1954 or so. I believe that if we look back we’ll find itwas the “Baby Boomers” who were in fact the first generationof humans to be contacted in large numbers.The 60s were the coming of age for my generation andour accomplishments are almost legendary, notwithstanding theefforts of some to rewrite history. For the first time, youngpeople stood up and put an end to a war that their elders hadbeen determined to wage. We went to the streets, defying ourown parents and teachers, demonstrated, conducted teach-insand pushed the establishment powers until they had to comply.We rode the “freedom buses” into the Deep South,turning the media spotlight on racism and ended Apartheid inAmerica. We started the modern feminist movement anddemanded a simple justice, “equal pay for equal work.” Thisled to the Gay Pride Movement and to a broader call for“human” rights in general. .For the first time in human history the idea of havingrights by the mere fact of being human (referred to in thePreamble to our Constitution as “inalienable rights”) wasbrought into “smoke-filled backrooms” of international power-politics when it was actually made a part of US foreign policy
 
83under the Carter administration. To me this marks one of thefew times that we have grown ethically as a species. We cannumber the milestones of our technological development in thethousands, but there are so few to mark our developmentspiritually. Now, because of Carter, the heads of state on thisplanet have to at least pretend publicly to adhere to a set of “universal” rights.No other generation in history has sparked as muchsocial change as us Baby Boomers. We were motivated bycompassion for our fellow human beings and a sincere belief that real justice had to include everyone. Could it be that allthis was the result of Alien Abductions and nasal implants? Astretch maybe, but if it is true then perhaps the trauma thatcomes with these encounters really is a reasonable price to pay.
Tuesday, June 7
th
 
I’ve evidently had a second spontaneous healing acouple of nights ago. For the past few months I’ve had a badcase of tendonitis in the middle finger of my left hand, with thepain most acute in the morning after waking up from hours of inactivity. As the day would wear on the pain would lessensomewhat, but never to any great extent.A few days ago I was just sick and tired of the constantpain and, remembering the “exercise” healing of February 21
st
,I wished out loud that “they” would repeat their medical
 
84miracle. In fact, I demanded it. “You owe me!” I told them.Apparently they heard and responded.For the past two days I’ve had no pain in that finger andcan use it as if nothing was ever wrong, although it now bendswith a snap as if it’s “double-jointed.” It appears they had toshorten the tendon in that area. Those little guys can actuallybe useful!They were here last night as well. I just discovered thatone of the scabs at the base of my neck has returned, althoughthis time it’s about two inches below where the previous scabshad formed. I give myself a thorough inspection every nightand it wasn’t there when I went to bed.The lump that I’ve had at the base of my neck since atleast mid-January has disappeared as well. Both sides of myspine in that area are now symmetrical. Was that an implant,which they have now removed for some reason? Were thescabs, which formed off and on in that area, incisions in theskin to service the implant? I don’t know, and I don’t know if Iever will know. That’s one of the frustrating things about all of this. Will I ever find out what’s happening?
Friday, June 10
th
 
I used the post-hypnotic suggestion to fall asleep at 1:30in the morning, but was wide awake at 5:00 A.M. and got up togo to the bathroom. I stayed awake, had breakfast and went
 
85back to bed at nine o’clock, but was woken up at 11:05 A.M.by a phone call from my friend Robert Akins.I had to cut the conversation short because I felt verystrange, as if I was in some kind of trance. My body was veryheavy and my mind wouldn’t focus. I could hear Bob’s voicecoming out of the receiver, but I couldn’t understand a word of what he was saying. I went right back to sleep and finally feltphysically able to get out of bed at 1:00 P.M.I dreamt a lot those last couple of hours. In one dream Iremember speculating if a woman I was with was also anabductee. I can’t remember any other details, though.
Late Evening:
Tonight I rented and watched the movie
 Intruders
.Abduction researchers Dr. John Mack and Budd Hopkins werelisted in the credits as advisors to the film, so I assume that themovie was accurate in its significant details.The script dealt at some length with the subject of missing fetuses. There have evidently been a number of caseswhere pregnant women have lost their unborn children. Theyweren’t aborted. They just disappeared. These pregnancieswere supposedly verified by ultra-sound or other techniques.According to Budd Hopkins, one such case involved apregnancy in its seventh month.As part of the sexual-genetic nature of AlienAbductions, women are often harvested of their eggs and men
 
86are milked of their semen. I had an experience where I felt thatI had been “relieved” of my seed. It seems that my case is notunique, but instead appears to be rather typical.While watching the film I began to think how I mightactually be the father of some half-breed Alien childrensomewhere. The idea struck a chord somewhere deep inside of me. Although I couldn’t have the same kind of parentalattachment as a mother does, who physically bonds with thenew life inside of her, I do feel some deep emotions at thethought of fatherhood. I only have to think of Katherine toremind myself of that.Will my Alien children ever ask who their father is?What will they be told that he’s a laboratory monkey on somebackwater planet somewhere? What kind of future lies in storefor such children, my children? Like any parent I find myself wanting the best for my progeny, human or hybrid.Just speculating, but can a bond of love be forgedbetween two Alien races? If such a thing is possible, it has tostart with the most fundamental kind. The love people have fortheir children is the most basic kind of love there is. It doesn’trely on ethnocentric concepts such as physical beauty orcommon interests to sustain itself. It just is. Perhaps onlyparental love can transcend the enormous gulf between peoplesborn on different planets. Just a thought.
 
87
Saturday, June 11
th
 
I saw them! Last night I saw them come into my room.This is incredible! I want to describe everything exactly as ithappened.I lay in my bed wide awake and lost in my thoughts,looking out the window of my studio apartment to thewhitewashed building next door, illuminated by a nearby streetlamp. The last time I looked at my clock radio, it was 3:30A.M. About ten minutes later, I noticed something in front of my window.The image appeared at first as a slight darkening orshadow, and was transparent in that I could see through it andthrough my window to the building outside. All I could makeout was a vague outline of something, but it seemed to slowlybecome more solid and take on recognizable features. I had thefeeling that there was another “something” forming to the right,at the very edge of my peripheral vision, but I purposely keptall my attention riveted on the image in front of me.I strained to focus my eyes more clearly because Iwasn’t sure at first if it was real or just a trick of light andshadow. As it began to slowly take form, I could see that it wasabout three and a half to four feet tall, with a big head and twohuge, very black eyes.“Is this what I think it is?” I thought to myself. I slowlyclosed my eyes, counted to five and opened them again. It was
 
88still there, more sharply defined than even a few secondsbefore, and looking straight at me.My heart leaped into my throat and raced wildly. I triedto spring from my bed, but only got as far as getting up onto myright elbow before I became totally paralyzed. I tried again tolunge forward without success, frozen to the spot. After thesecond attempt failed, I felt my eyes close as I started to rapidlylose consciousness. It felt like I was falling down into a black hole, but at the last moment I summoned all my strength of willand screamed in my head, “No, God damn it!” That burst of defiance somehow released me from my invisible restraints andI opened my eyes. They were gone. The clock read 3:43 A.M.Even I would doubt what my own eyes have seen, if itweren’t for the physical sensations that I experienced. Now Iknow that a person can become agitated thinking that he hadseen something that really wasn’t there, but to suddenlybecome paralyzed and to start to “fall asleep” in the middle of apanic attack, is highly unlikely to say the least. I did see them!They started to materialize, literally forming out of thinair, but had to abort their mission. This shows me that theyaren’t infallible. They can make mistakes. I had been lyingquite still for twenty minutes or so and was staring out thewindow, lost in thought, before they started to form in front of me. They must have thought that I was asleep.They say, “Seeing is believing.” For the past several
 
89months I’ve felt that these visits are real events, and not just thecreation of an overactive imagination (or worse, the delusionsof someone with mental problems). But now that I’ve actuallyseen them, I’m stunned. I’ve been given the best conformationthat I could have ever hoped for. I actually saw them! MyGod, this is incredible.
Wednesday, June 22
nd
 
It’s 6:30 in the morning. I got to sleep late again lastnight, starting Mr. Alt’s post-hypnotic suggestion at 3:08 A.M.by counting backwards from one hundred. I shouldn’t even beawake now, with only a little more than three hours sleep, but Ihad a strange dream that I think might be linked to the visitors.It went as follows.There is a big party at my house, which I seem to sharewith a number of other people. We live in an old woodenmulti-story home that is badly run down and in need of repair.There are tall weeds in the back yard and it’s obvious that noone has paid any attention to the property for some time.The party is getting pretty bawdy, with plenty of illicitdrugs and sex, and there is an underlying feeling that thingscould get out of hand. I find myself on the rooftop and amdistressed to see many of the partygoers standing at the edge,taunting the police below. Finally the police come roaring upin their squad cars and arrest everyone.But the scene shifts a little and the police are now
 
90Japanese solders, and we are being rounded up after having justsurrendered to the enemy in World War II. As we are ledaway, I hear the Japanese commander tell his men to be gentlewith us because we’re sick and injured. As he says this, Irealize that the room we’re in is an army field hospital of somekind.Here the dream shifts again and it’s now sometime afterthe war. I’m a tourist in modern-day Japan and an old Japaneseman is showing me a movie. It’s a scratchy, black and whitewartime propaganda film in Japanese. To loud martial music, alarge hovercraft speeds up a wide river with long towlinestrailing behind. Attached to the lines are two Americanprisoners of war bouncing around in the turbulent wake of theboat.The scene repulses me and the old man apologizes forthe war crimes of the past. He then shows me a wooden door.I instinctively know that it opens onto a private pathway thatleads to secluded personal living quarters. The old man thenoffers to inscribe my name on the door, if I would but choose tocome and live in Japan.If put in context of the visitor experience, I think thesymbolism of the dream is clear. The dilapidated woodenhouse is Planet Earth and the revelers are the human race.When the party gets out of hand and is raided by the police,they turn out to be Japanese. I think the reference to the Alien
 
91visitors here is obvious. In our western culture, Asians are littlepeople with exotic-looking eyes. The solders are told to becompassionate with their prisoners. Somehow, our rowdybehavior is not entirely our fault because we’re “sick andinjured.”After he shows me a film where two Americans aretortured on the water, the old man apologizes for his country’swartime treatment of enemy prisoners. Sigmund Freud saidthat water is often used by the subconscious as a symbol relatedto matters of a sexual nature. While I have come to believe thatthe visitors’ overall motives might be benevolent, I have beendisturbed by the idea that they have violated me sexually. Thescar on my penis suggests a less than pleasant experience inthat regard. I also have concerns about Katherine and how sheis being treated.After the old man apologized, he invited me to stay inhis country, with the implication that if I do, I’ll be treated withrespect. The apology I understand; and if it is genuine I acceptit. But have I really been invited to leave Earth to go and livewith the little people in “Japan,” wherever that may be? Anintriguing prospect, to say the least . . . but talk about cultureshock!
Late Evening:
I spent the evening with Katherine tonight and we talked aboutdreams. She described a couple of dreams that she
 
 
92had, which she said were “so real” to her.The first one she said she has had at least twice. In it,she sees her bedroom (the one she never sleeps in) with“spikes” (her word) coming out of the walls and up through thefloor. I walk into the room and the spikes disappear. When Ileave, they return.The other dream, which she said she had a month or twoago, starts out with one of her favorite TV characters from theshow
Get Smart 
. Maxwell Smart is stabbed in the stomachwith a spike. Here the dream suddenly changes and Katherinefinds that it is she who has been stabbed with the spike.Katherine said that when she woke up from this dream she hada bad stomach ache.I’ve held one thought close to me all these months, asI’ve tried to regain my emotional balance in the wake of allthis. I don’t much care what happens to me. I’m pretty good atadjusting to unexpected situations. It’s my daughter whom I’vealways been concerned about. I’ve hoped that as long as I’m apart of whatever this is, then perhaps I could help Katherine insome way. I remember even mentally asking them one time totake me first, whenever they go for Katherine. My hope wasthat it would make it easier for her when they did. If the firstdream is related to her abductions, as I believe it to be, then itmay indicate that I was somewhat successful in that regard.Whatever the symbolism means, spikes coming out of the walls
 
93and up through the floor can’t be good. However, they goaway when I enter the room. Children trust in the ability of their parents to protect them, whether or not they really can. Imay not be able to stop what they’re doing to either of us, but if my presence can help make it better for Katherine then I’mwilling to endure whatever they want to do to me, as long asthey take us together.As for the second dream, I’ve heard of the Graysinserting needles into the abdomen of the women they take,supposedly as part of a pregnancy test, as they evidently didwith Betty Hill. But Katherine is obviously not of childbearingage. Could they be collecting some of her immature eggs forsome reason?
Tuesday, July 26
th
 
I lay down to take a nap late this afternoon, but woke upin a panic after a horrible dream.In the dream, I was with my brother Frank. We weresitting in an old vintage car, parked at the curb. He was in thedriver’s seat and I was in the back, on the passenger side. It feltas if we were traveling on vacation because the back seat wascrammed with bedding and suitcases, which left little room forme to move.I was looking around for my marijuana stash, so I couldprepare something for us to smoke, when I spied someone inthe side mirror walking up beside the car. I quickly pushed a
 
94pillow down over the contraband just before a group of four orfive men, all dressed in old-fashioned double-breasted stylesuits, pulled Frank from the car and began to beat himunmercifully. I could hear his screams as the blows hit. It washorrible.They pulled guns from their jackets and looked like theywere about to shoot Frank, when they suddenly looked up tothe sky and saw something that obviously scared them.Although I couldn’t see it, I thought that maybe it was a policehelicopter, because they started to run away. But whatever itwas, they quickly decided that it was no threat to them. Theyreturned to where Frank laid groaning on the sidewalk,carefully aimed their guns and shot him dead.I woke up at that point, badly shaken. The whole thinghappened so quickly and was so violent and unexpected that Ihave a hard time knowing what to make of it. It might be somekind of premonition and I’m tempted to call my brother. Butwhat am I going to tell him – to stay out of old cars and bewareof gangsters?
Wednesday, July 27
th
 
I kept thinking yesterday about the dream I had andfinally gave Frank a call earlier this morning. I was able to gethim before he had left for his law office.I suspect Frank has always thought me to be a biteccentric, but because we’ve been pretty close throughout the
 
95years he listened patiently as I described my dream. I askedhim to please be careful with any cases that might bring himinto contact with gangster types and he promised me that hewould, although I could tell by the tone in his voice that hedoesn’t take this as seriously as I do.I do hope he’s careful. This wasn’t just another dream.I’m sure that it meant something. And the dreams have beencoming hot and heavy lately, too. I had another one last night,and I think that this one might be a disguise for something thatreally happened.I entered a room filled with paintings on the walls.There were a few other people milling about and it seemed thatI was at an art exhibit of some kind. The artist was there. Shewas an attractive woman with an hourglass figure who seemedto take an immediate interest in me. She showed me aroundand asked me if I liked her artwork. It all seemed to have aSword and Sorcery theme. I politely complemented her,although I remember thinking that that type of thing didn’treally interest me much.The other people in the room walked out and we wereleft alone together. She started to come on to me and began toget aggressive, taking me into her arms and French-kissing me.I liked the attention and the obvious suggestion of impendingsex, but I didn’t like, nor have I ever really enjoyed, thesensation of someone’s tongue in my mouth. I wanted to let
 
96her know of my discomfort without destroying my chances of making it with her, so I decided to make light of it all by tryingto uphold the conversation while she continued to try andFrench-kiss me.She tried several times to stick her tongue into mymouth while I tried to talk through it all. On her last try Isuddenly felt immobilized. She then came down on my mouthfrom above and stuck her tongue deep into my throat. Iremember being surprised by this maneuver because, to be ableto place her head above mine, she had either to be standing onsomething or to have suddenly grown much taller. No one hasever French-kissed me so deeply, and I don’t think any normalperson could. Her tongue literally felt as if it went halfwaydown my throat. It was at this point that the dream ended.I can see in the mirror that my throat is red today,although it doesn’t hurt. It feels like something is caught deepdown inside, and I’ve been trying to clear it all morning.If they wanted a throat culture, what an interesting wayto go about getting it.
Friday, July 29
th
 
I went to bed at about 2:30 A.M., drunk and depressed.After training, without pay, for the last five weeks as a pokerdealer for a local gambling establishment, I found out yesterdaythat the job offer has suddenly evaporated. No explanations.
 
97They’re just not hiring. I could have a job by now if I had beenlooking for one all this time.I don’t take to alcohol very well. After the pleasanteffects wear off, I always pay for it with a bad hangover. I geta good buzz with one beer, become drunk with two and findmyself under the table after four or five, but I wanted to get asnumb as quickly as possible last night so I threw caution to thewind and raced through a six-pack.I woke up about 4:30 this morning with a bad case of nausea, a common consequence of this particular manifestationof my stupidity and one that I had expected. After a fewminutes I felt that familiar pressure at the base of my spine andthe nausea suddenly faded away. I felt very sleepy rightafterwards and, although I wanted to stay awake to note anyfurther effects, I couldn’t and quickly fell asleep again.Although I’ve been unemployed now for quite sometime, and have just lost my best opportunity to change thatsituation, I awoke this morning feeling rested and strangelyconfident about the future. Usually when I’m as depressed as Iwas, it takes several days for me to pull out of it. I think mylittle friends came last night. If so, then this is the third timethat they’ve helped me when they didn’t have to, and it makesme think that they might really be concerned about me as aperson. I’ve often wondered if their interventions weren’t moreabout keeping the lab rat healthy enough to run the maze, but
 
98this time they helped me emotionally, not just physically, whenthey eased my depression in addition to my nausea. Theydidn’t have to. They felt bad that I felt bad. That’s calledcompassion.
Friday, August 5
th
 
For the past couple of days I have been suffering the fullrange of symptoms indicative of Post-Traumatic StressDisorder. I’m waking up with projectile vomiting. I havefacial ticks and find myself acting compulsively. The oldcycles of anxiety and depression have returned.But why? I had been free of them or several monthsnow. I credited my recovery to a combination of goodhypnotherapy and my having accepted the reality of my doublelife. I have even come to regard the visitors as my friends. Sowhy am I now suddenly back at square one?Also, I’ve been having nosebleeds for the past two days.Oh yes, I also “heard” a voice speak into my left ear as I lay inmy bed this morning at about 7:30. It was a male voice andspoke only one word, which I couldn’t understand. The voicewas loud and clear and sounded like it had an accent of somekind, perhaps Slovak or East European. Although it soundedlike it came from my left side, I really think it originated withinmy own head rather than from some external source.This is the first voice that I’ve heard. All the othersounds have been mechanical in nature, a buzzer, a bell or a
 
99telephone ring. If this is a communication of some kind, whyspeak to me in a language that I don’t understand, and then onlysay one word?
Sunday, August 7
th
 
Katherine stayed with me overnight and put up quite afuss at having to go to bed at midnight. She kept asking, finallypleading, to stay up longer. Later as we lay in bed talking, sheadmitted to being afraid to go to sleep at night. She went on tosay that she is also afraid when everyone else in the house isasleep and she is the only one left awake. Poor girl, damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.Later in the afternoon, Katherine had a bad spontaneousnosebleed. She was watching television when all of a suddenthe blood started flowing. It was all over one of the pillowsbefore I was able to get to a box of tissues.
Wednesday, August 17
th
 
“I’m metamorphosing.” I wrote those words down on apiece of paper early this morning after I woke up feeling verydisoriented. Everything looked distorted to me and I couldbarely scribble those words on my notepad. Nevertheless, Iremember thinking that I wanted to document the feeling thatI’m somehow being changed physically.After I wrote those words, I collapsed into bed anddropped off into a deep sleep. Now, in the light of day, I
 
100almost want to deny that I wrote them, they seem so absurd.But feeling as altered as I did, they made perfect sense at thetime.I’ll defer judgment on this, and just consider this journalentry as part of my efforts to be as thorough as possible whendescribing my experiences.
Thursday, August 18
th
 
I had dinner with the Weiss side of the family last night.Dad, his wife, Lucille, sister Harriet and brother Frank were inattendance. The after-dinner conversation turned to Frank’slaw practice. Frank described one of his current cases, in whichhe’s in the process of forcing the sale of a warehouse owned bya man known to be a gunrunner and drug smuggler. Thebuilding is to be sold and the money used to pay a debt the manowes to one of Frank’s clients.I immediately thought of my dream where Frank isdragged out of a car, badly beaten and finally shot to death bygangsters. There was a feeling in the dream that it hadsomething to do with contraband of some kind. I had been soupset at the time and fearful that the dream might prove to beprophetic, that I phoned Frank the next day and warned him tostay away from any gangster types. Now he’s telling me thathe’s tightening the legal screws on just such a gangster, byforcing the sale of the very building he probably uses to storehis guns and drugs! For God’s sake, Frank, be careful.
 
101
Friday, August 19
th
 
Frank came by for a couple of hours to see my newapartment. I reiterated my concern about his legal sparringwith gangster types, especially if it might upset them enough toconsider murder as a way to get rid of a persistent irritant.(And Frank can be very persistent. He was called “mad dog”by the partners at his old law firm because of histenaciousness.)I also let him read a little of this journal. At least he’sopen-minded enough to consider the possibility that I might notbe crazy. He even described what sounded like a closeencounter of his own, which took place over twenty years agoon a vacation drive through the Southwest with his mother andsiblings.
5
 
Monday, August 22
nd
 
Another spontaneous nosebleed this morning withbreakfast. As I sat drinking my coffee, I blew my nose into atissue and the blood started to flow.
Thursday, September 15
th
 
For the past few nights I’ve sat in my studio apartment
 
5
It was just before sunrise in the ambient light of early morning as thefamily was driving down the highway when Frank suddenly noticed thata circular object was covering about a third of the sky. No one else saidthey saw anything unusual at the time and he doesn’t remember anythingmore about the incident. Someone suggested that he might have seen theplanet Venus, but as Frank said, “Venus doesn’t cover a third of the sky.”
 
102and agonized over the big question. Just what do my nocturnalvisitors want of me? This morning they responded.Between 6:00 and 7:30 this morning, I had a verydisturbing dream about the Grays, as the little people are called.I had gotten up briefly to visit the bathroom before returning tobed to catch what I had hoped would be a couple of hours of restful sleep before I had to get up. Not so.The dream took place in a large house with manyrooms, and I was evidently living there. From the start thedream had a disturbing quality about it. I felt uneasy andapprehensive. I had some kind of disagreement with mymother and stormed out of the room. I ventured into otherareas of the house where I found various pockets of activity.Evidently a party of some kind was in progress and there weremany people milling about. It was a peaceful gathering, unlikemy dream of June 22
nd
.As I walked through the house, I found myself nakedand felt chilled because of it. Although I felt self-conscious,my lack of clothing didn’t seem to bring any notice from thosepresent. After a while, I looked down and saw that I waswearing a pair of gray-colored slacks. I felt great relief atseeing that I was clothed, but soon afterwards, I found myself naked again. I had the distinct impression in the dream that mynakedness (and hence my sense of vulnerability) was beingmanipulated by the Grays. They had made me naked and it was
 
103they who had given me the “gray” slacks to wear, only to takethem away again. The symbolism was obvious to me, eveninside the dream. My anxiety grew.I walked into another room where I met Margaret. Shewas carrying Katherine as an infant in her arms. She handedthe little bundle to me, and as I looked down at my daughter, Iwas horrified to see that it wasn’t Katherine at all. The babywas thin and frail, the face drawn tightly over its skull, withdark sunken eyes. I yelled to Margaret that this wasn’t ourbaby, but a changeling left by the Grays. (A changeling is,according to myth, a fairy child left in the place of a humanbaby, whom the fairies have kidnapped.) At first Margaretdidn’t believe me, but she began to suspect something waswrong when I showed her the ghostly waif she had handed me.At this point a number of people walked into the room.Among them were two suspicious-looking men. Both werewearing heavy coats and had cloth mufflers wrapped aroundtheir heads and faces. Each muffler was held in place by awide-brimmed hat. All but their eyes were kept from view. Iwas able to catch enough of a glimpse, however, to see thattheir skin was a light gray in color.Here at last was my chance to prove to everyone that Iwasn’t crazy and that I had been right all along about myencounters with these beings. I confronted the two new arrivalsand demanded that they unmask themselves. With a twinkle in
 
104his eye, one of them pulled off his muffler to reveal a human-looking face. My disappointment soon turned to horror as hereached up to his throat and started to pull off his human mask,revealing several long slimy tentacles that danced in the openair.This was more than I could take. I ran screaming back to my mother. “I give up,” I cried. “I don’t know what theywant of me,” I sobbed repeatedly as I curled up in a fetalposition on her lap.At that point I woke up, wide awake and shaken to thecore. After pondering the dream and its significance Iwondered if it had been a creation of my subconscious, or hadthe Grays manipulated the dream as a kind of communication?As I kept repeating this question over and over again in mymind, I suddenly felt very sleepy. I rolled back into bed andfell into unconsciousness. The dream immediately picked upwhere it had ended.The two Grays were gone and the people at the partywere gathered around me. A friend of mine whom I haven’tseen or even thought of for several years was there. His nameis Bobby and, although he is a highly intelligent individual andhas many personal qualities that I admire, the one thing thatpeople always remember about him is his stature, or lack thereof. He is the shortest person I know.
 
105As the dream picked up again, I began to describe toBobby the earlier part of the dream, as if I had just woken upfrom it. When I mentioned my anxiety at being naked anddiscovering the baby changeling, Bobby interrupted me toremind me that we had been discussing those very thingsearlier, before I had “fallen asleep.”I jumped up excitedly. From within the dream, Ireceived the confirmation I had asked for. The very fact that Ihad talked with Bobby about those things was proof that my“earlier” dream had indeed been manipulated by the Grays.Even awake, the symbolism is clear to me.In my mind Bobby represented the Grays because of hisshort stature. When he confirmed that we had talked about thekey elements of the dream before, it was as if a Gray itself hadadmitted to having manipulated the dream. This I now believeto be true. The Grays responded to my deep desire to knowtheir purpose by showing me, in a dream that they controlled,that I would freak out if I could see “behind the mask.”A few weeks ago, for no apparent reason, I suddenlyhad all the old symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.While they have since subsided, the nameless anxiety, facialticks, projectile vomiting while asleep, the depression and“night terrors” all came rushing back, as if I had never been ridof them. I had come to terms with my nocturnal visitors. Iwasn’t afraid of them any longer. Even when I saw two of 
 
106them materialize in my bedroom in the early morning hours of June 11
th
, I wasn’t frightened. I was excited as hell, but Iwasn’t frightened. I even called them my friends. They havehealed me twice of very painful conditions, and I have come tounderstand that they have a genuine concern for my welfare. Ihad no reason to suddenly become anxious and fearful again,yet I did.After much thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that Imust have been given some information that greatly distressedme. Since this disquieting information came to me in the night,my fear of the night returned. Now they’ve “told” me thatwhatever it was, my conscious mind is unlikely to be able tohandle it. I have many questions, but they are telling me thatI’m not strong enough for the answers.Perhaps they’re right. Whatever their purpose, I sensethat it is both extremely disturbing and very important. If Iwere to suddenly know consciously what I evidently knowsubconsciously, life’s day-to-day mundane responsibilitiesmight prove to be too much for me to handle. Still, a part of mewants desperately to know.I feel like a real-life “Manchurian Candidate.”
6
 
6
A good movie staring Frank Sinatra and Laurence Harvey. A“Manchurian Candidate” has since come to mean a person who has beenprogrammed with information, about which his or her conscious mindknows nothing.
 
107
Saturday, September 17
th
 
I had another “easy” nosebleed. I blew my nose and theblood gushed out of my left nostril. It’s always the left one.Katherine was with me last night and will be againtonight, as well. I know they come for us when we’re together.It saves them a trip.
Tuesday, September 27
th
 
Katherine called me this morning before she left forschool to tell me that she woke up with blood on her pillow.I’ve asked her to tell me whenever she has a nosebleed. I’msure that they are indications of a visit by our Gray escorts.Last night I got to bed about 4:30 A.M. and had to getup at 7:30. I woke up before the alarm went off and wassurprisingly alert all day for having had so little sleep. Thistoo, I believe is a good indication that they’ve been here. At 47I can’t operate effectively for long periods of time without agood night’s rest, which I rarely get anymore. I tried recentlyand just about died from exhaustion at the end of the day.They came for both of us last night, I’m sure. In fact, Ibelieve they pick me up first so that I can help Katherine toremain calm throughout her ordeal. For that at least, I amgrateful.
Thursday, October 13
th
 
I only got four hours of sleep last night, but again it
 
 
108feels like I slept a full eight, which I haven’t done for manymonths now. That’s not normal for a person my age. I haven’tbeen able to function without a good night’s rest since mycollege days.Oh yes, I had another nosebleed this morning. AsCyrano de Bergerac said about his nose in that famous play byEdmond Rostand, “When it bleeds, the Red Sea!”
7
 
Saturday, November 12
th
 
I had another ET-related dream last night which took place sometime between 4:30 and 6:20 A.M. (I continue totake note of my sleep cycles.) While I have described suchdreams before, they’ve been ones that I felt were created insome way by the ETs when they either wanted to communicatesomething to me or were trying to disguise what was actuallyhappening at the moment. This one, however, I think mighthave been manufactured by my subconscious mind. I find thisdream interesting because it seems to confirm the strugglebetween my conscious desire to know the details of what ishappening to me and why, and the need of my subconsciousmind to keep hold of its secrets.As the dream began to unfold, I found that I was in thearmy and that my unit was garrisoned at what appeared to be ashopping mall. The floor of our barracks was embedded with
7
In the movie, Jose Ferrer was Cyrano de Bergerac, the best swordsman in17-century France with a large nose, of which no one dared make fun.
 
109numerous coins from around the world. A flooding accident of some kind covered the floor with an inch or so of water, whichloosened the coins. All the soldiers, including me, began topick up the loose coins in a kind of “feeding frenzy” until mostof the coins were recovered. I wrapped my hoard in a toweland placed it on my bunk. Just then the sergeant came in andsaw what had happened. He demanded that all the coins beturned over to him and then came to my bunk and took mybundle.The scene then changed to outside the barracks, in themall area itself. I was some kind of intelligence agent carryingsecret messages to my military superiors. These messages weregiven to me by a woman who had a group of little children withher. I ran back and forth several times between her and themilitary command center, all the while sneaking about trying tokeep out of sight of those walking around the mall.Again the scene shifted. I was in the company of thesame woman, but this time there was another man with us whowas holding a shopping bag. I somehow knew that the bagcontained a bomb that he meant to deliver to our intelligenceservice and that it was my assignment to intercept it. The manwas about to leave when the group of little children showed up.Evidently they had all made plans to go somewhere and thechildren were anxious for the man to leave with them. He was
 
110agreeable, but said that they would have to wait until hedelivered his important package.At that point I saw my chance to intercept the bomb andoffered to deliver his package for him. At first he was hesitantto give it up, but relented when I assured him that I woulddeliver it safe and sound. He handed me his shopping bag andthen left with the woman and her children.I immediately hurried across the mall and delivered thebag to my superiors. I was congratulated on a job well doneand was then dismissed. Apparently I was off duty for the timebeing. I walked around the mall briefly before I ran into thewoman and her children again, but this time the “terrorist”wasn’t with them. They were following behind three or fourmen who seemed to be leading the way, and I fell into walkingwith them. The milling crowds of shoppers began to thin andwe were soon walking through what was obviously the back area of the mall.I asked one to the men where they were from. Heanswered with the name of some town in Illinois that I don’tremember now, but one of the children, a little girl, spoke upand said that they were really from “Planet-X.” From the lookson their faces, the men seemed a bit annoyed that she hadrevealed their true origin. They said nothing further, however,but continued to silently lead the procession.By this time, I had the distinct feeling that they were
 
111escorting me somewhere, instead of my just walking alongbeside them. The same little girl continued to talk to me,saying that I was being prepared to live with them and, that ontheir planet, they lived underground. Oddly, I didn’t seem to bebothered by this revelation. I was instead very interested inlearning more of what lay in store for me, but I woke up at thatpoint.Whitley Strieber and others have described encounterswhere the ETs gave them a vision of the end of the Earth. Aftera bout of night terrors and depression, which suddenlyreemerged in my life last August and lasted several weeks, Icame to believe that I might have been given some similar kindof disturbing information. This is I feel the most likelyexplanation for the sudden change in my emotional well-beingat the time. By then I had come to accept my nocturnal visits asbeing personally beneficial, and was even calling the Grays“my little friends.”I believe that in the symbolism of my dream the foreigncoins imbedded in the barracks floor represented the variouscountries of the world. A flooding accident (a naturalcatastrophe?) loosened them, and my fellow soldiers and Iscrambled about in a frenzy (global chaos?) recovering as muchof the loot as we could.Under hypnosis many people who have had personalencounters with UFO occupants describe meeting a tall ET
 
112after being brought aboard the craft by the much shorter beingsknown as “the Grays.” This taller being is often felt to befeminine in nature. The woman in my dream with her group of children would certainly fit this description.In the dream I was a military intelligence agent (mysubconscious mind?) who worked hard to keep the secrets of the woman and her children. The terrorist, however, (myconscious mind?) was bent on destroying those secrets with hisbomb.In my journal entry of June 22
nd
I described a dreamthat I believe to have been created by the ETs as an apology forwhat they have done to Katherine and me. It ended with aninvitation by an elderly Japanese man to come and live in hiscountry. My feelings about that dream are that the Japanese,with their almond-shaped eyes, symbolize the Grays, and thatthe invitation to live in Japan was an invitation to live withthem on their home world.In last night’s dream one of the children told me thatthey were from Planet X and that I was being prepared to livewith them underground. Now it seems that after many weeksof speculating on that very possibility, my subconscious mind(or perhaps even the ETs themselves) has tried to tell me thatthe invitation is genuine.Half of me is intrigued by the idea of experiencing areal Alien culture and the other half of me is scared as hell.
 
113
My Return
Personal Journal: Part Two
May 30, 2006 – August 5, 2006
 
114
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
It has been over eleven years now since I’ve addedanything to my UFO journal. I obviously didn’t take upresidence on another planet. Not that the extraordinary eventsthat had suddenly taken hold of my life has ended. On thecontrary, they continue unabated to this day.November 27, 1994, however, marked a sinister turn inthese events, for it was on that day that I came to realize thatAliens were not my only visitors in the night. Here is my last journal entry.
Sunday, November 27, 1994 
 I went to bed about 12:30 this morning, after working at my computer for a few hours on this journal. I woke upbecause something very strange happened in my sleep. I was asleep when, all of a sudden, I couldn’t breathethrough my nose. First everything was fine, then Wham! Bothnostrils were completely blocked, forcing me to start breathingthrough my mouth. I tried to wake up, but felt restrained and couldn’t open my eyes. I then slipped into deepunconsciousness. When I did wake up, I felt like I was in somekind of altered state. My perception was distorted and I found it hard to focus my attention. It felt as if I was moving in slowmotion, but the feeling dissipated in a minute or two, leavingme feeling “normal.” I was shaken from the memory of the “attack” on me inmy sleep and knew that something highly unusual had happened. The Grays had never had to use physical force onme before, and I had definitely been physically restrained. walked around my studio apartment and noticed that therewere several things that were not as I had left them before I went to bed. I had laid the freshly printed pages of my journalon my computer table last night, in a neat pile. This morning
 
115
the top page was askew, as if someone had picked it up and laid it back down. On the kitchen counter is a postcard from the
National Geographic Magazine
announcing that my father hasgiven me a subscription as a holiday gift. It has lain there, facedown, for the last couple of weeks, but this morning it was faceup. Now, the big one . . . I know that people can forget that they handled certain papers or postcards and didn’t leave them as they remembered,but this last disturbance is a real puzzler. When I walked intothe bathroom, I was immediately struck by what I saw in thesink. The sink had obviously just been used. There were beadsof water all over, up the sides and right to the brim. They wereso fresh that the ones high up were still running down, collidingwith the other beads of water and forming small streams that ran down into the drain. I decided to do an experiment. First I used a stopper and filled the sink with water. When I let the water drain, it did not form any beads at all. Beads of water did form, however,when I splashed the sides of the sink with water from the tap.The beads of water formed in this fashion completelyevaporated within an hour, although they stopped runningdown the sides of the basin after just a few minutes. I hadn’t been in the bathroom, much less used the sink, in over fivehours. I have a bad feeling about this. Something is verywrong. I doubt that the Grays wash their hands after they put me back in bed.
Something was very wrong indeed! Two days later Ireceived a phone call from Katherine’s mother. The nightbefore there had been an attempted break-in at their home.Everyone was asleep except for Oscar, who heard voices at theback door that leads into the garage near where he slept. Whenhe went to investigate, they ran back to the front of the houseand Oscar heard a car speeding off. Oscar later described the
 
116men as “white,” not because he saw them, but because theyspoke English to each other without any discernable accent.We never did find out who those men were, but I’m sure thatthey were also the ones who broke into my apartment the nightbefore as I slept.I was urged to resume this UFO journal by my closefriend, Arian, when she recently visited me. She scolded mefor failing to finish any of my writing projects. She went on toaccuse me of sitting on my rear end for the last ten years ormore, ignoring my purpose here on Earth, which she believes isto help other UFO Experiencers.I don’t know about my purpose in life, but she is rightabout one thing. I haven’t done much for a very long while,except to try to focus on work and pay the bills on time. Mostpeople do this easily every day of the week, but most peopledon’t have to also deal with paradigm shifts and governmentharassment on a continuing basis. After a while I found iteasier (and safer) not tell my UFO stories, except to a smallcircle of friends who have learned to be patient with me. Nomore going to UFO conventions and networking with otherExperiencers. There was less grief to be had if I laid low.Well, I’m in my late 50s now. I live alone and I havevery little to lose. I’ve decided to at least finish this for mydaughter. She’s going away to college in the fall after finishingher first two years close at home. I’ll give her the manuscript
 
117after she graduates. I don’t want to give her anythingdisturbing to think about until after she’s through with herstudies. I don’t know if I’ll actually publish this, but I do needto put it all down on paper. There is so much that hashappened, and it continues to happen almost every day. I’llcontinue to report the major events in my journal.The two unexplained bruises I found on my left shinhave stopped being sensitive to the touch and seem to be almosthealed, except that they are still quite dark in color. One ishalfway down my right calf and right over a new scoop mark.The other is halfway between the first bruise and my ankle.I discovered the new scoop mark on my right shin abouta week ago. The first one, which I received years before, hassince filled in.
Wednesday, May 31
st
 
After work, I came home to find the door at the end of the hall to the stairwell was wide open again. I used to thinthat my neighbor across the way was leaving it openoccasionally, even though I posted a sign asking people to keepit shut. I met her recently in the hallway and we talked aboutthe door being left open. She hadn’t known that I made thesign and said she thought it was me that was leaving it open.She agrees that it should be left shut for security reasons. (Thehomeless sometimes gain entrance to our apartment buildingthrough the garage and come up the stairwells, and there have
 
118been thefts of bicycles that were left in the hallways.) I’mbeginning to think it’s another sign that Majestic has visitedwhile I was away or asleep, when I find it left open in themorning.
8
 
3:00 A.M.:
 Tonight I found six marks or more on the back of myright thigh. I have to use a hand mirror to see them. Theydon’t hurt, but are red and raised and form a part of a circle.They almost look like mosquito bites.
Thursday, June 1
st
 
When I woke up this morning, I found my blanket onthe floor at the bottom of the bed. This has happened a fewtimes before, but I don’t see how it could while I’m asleep. Idon’t know that I toss and turn that much during the two hoursthat I normally sleep before waking up. In fact I can’t toss andturn at all because I’m hooked up to a C-PAP machine at night.(It was prescribed for my Sleep Apnea.) If I were to try andturn over in my sleep, the plastic air hose would bunch up andbreak the seal of my face mask. That would certainly wake meup.
8
Majestic was the code name used for a blue-ribbon committee formed byPresident Truman to investigate the crash of a flying saucer nearRoswell, New Mexico in 1947. It is thought that this committee (or onelike it) later took control of all matters related to UFOs, including, nodoubt, the covert surveillance of Abductees/Experiencers.
 
119
Saturday, June 3
rd
 
I discovered at least nine new marks behind my leftthigh, maybe a couple more. They seem to be in two groups,one above the other. They’re red but don’t hurt to the touch.They look like mosquito bites or needle marks that havebecome infected. The marks behind my right thigh are all butgone, with only two still visible. There are also what look liketwo puncture marks on the back of my left hand. Both are justto the side of a vein. I also found a small bruise just below myright knee today. There’s another bruise halfway down myright shin, just below the new scoop mark that I reportedfinding in my May 30
th
 journal entry. It’s beside another newpuncture mark.Also, when I took a shower tonight I noticed that thehair on the back of my wrists and on my shoulders was mattedwith a residue of some sort. It was very difficult to removewith just soap and water, even when I used a scrub brush. Itreminded me of the kind of residue left by the gel used by labtechnicians, when they place the electrodes on a patient inpreparation for an EKG test.
Monday, June 5
th
 
When I came home tonight I was very fatigued, so Idecided to take a nap before doing anything else. I slept forabout two hours (pretty well the maximum I ever sleep at onetime) before getting up. When I got up I soon noticed that my
 
120eyes were itching, so I went into the bathroom to take a look inthe mirror. They were very red, but not swollen, and I bathedthem in eye drops. After a half an hour the eye drops havereduced the discomfort and a lot of the redness, but it’sobvious that I need another dose.Also, when I logged on to my computer this evening mynew spyware detection software told me that I had twounauthorized new programs recently installed. The “furtherdetails” link for each “alert” said the following.Product name is not provided.Company name is not provided.Copyright information is not provided.When I tried to remove them, the screen announced,“There are currently no new alerts to view” (meaning theoperation was successful), but in a couple of seconds the twopieces of spyware were detected again and the original twoalerts reappeared on the screen. I followed the instructions toremove them several times, but the same announcement(followed by the same two alerts) appeared on the screen eachtime.The thing is, although my new computer is Internet-ready, I haven’t as yet connected to the Internet and goneonline, so these two pieces of spyware couldn’t have comefrom surfing the Web. It’s Majestic’s doing and they wantedme to know that they’re in my computer. I’m sure they know
 
121how to plant their spyware so as not to be detected, if theyreally wanted to.
Tuesday, June 6
th
 
I met Leila for lunch. She works downtown just a fewblocks from me. She told me she has become more aware of her own ET experiences over the last few years. I told her of my recent nighttime bruising and she confessed that shesometimes finds unexplained marks on her body, too. Imentioned again that I could count on one hand the number of times that I have slept three or more consecutive hours in thelast dozen years before waking up. She confirmed today thatshe has had, for the last ten years or so, the same interruptedsleep patterns as I have. I came home and reread parts of my journal from 1994, among them the entry for April 26, 1994when my friend, Dick Mayfield, asked me if he could sleepover because of his “night terrors.” He told me that night thatfor the past six years he hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours at a time. He apparently suffered from the same sleepdisorder as Leila and I do. I think I see a pattern here.
Friday, June 9
th
 
This evening I felt a slight pain when I ran my handover the front of my calf. I took a look and discovered a newpuncture mark. It’s infected. They usually are. I think they aremeant to be. The ETs can take scoops of flesh from my legs,leaving no blood or infection. My human intruders want me to
 
122recognize their handiwork and make sure that their injectionsare noticed, by insuring that they become infected. It’ssupposed to instill fear and induce paranoia. I won’t give themthe satisfaction. I don’t know what I’m being injected with, butit seems that in addition to the psychological warfare that’sbeing waged against me my body is also a battlefield.
Tuesday, June 13
th
 
I sleep with several pillows, including two king-sizedpillows, one to support my back and another to put between myknees. I augment the pillow for my back with a smaller one totuck in here and there, depending on where the aches and painsare at the moment. Whenever I wake up, which is every hourand a half to two hours, I’ll turn over and reposition the smallpillow so that it’s at my back again. Last night, I woke up at4:00 A.M. and did just that, but when I woke up the next time Inoticed that the small pillow was not within reach. A completesearch of the covers revealed it at the very bottom of the bedand next to the wall. I don’t know how it could have migratedthat far, since I don’t move around much in my sleep. When Igot home from work, I found a new small bruise next to anothermark in the middle of my left shin.
Wednesday, June 14
th
 
As I came home today on the train, I noticed that I wasbeing stared at by a guy wearing sunglasses. He was seatedabout fifteen feet in front of me. I didn’t notice him as I looked
 
123around for a place to sit, so he may have been behind me as Iboarded. When I took my seat and the book I’ve been readingfrom my briefcase, I looked up and saw him. He was dressedin civilian clothes and had a short (military?) haircut. I wassitting alone in the double seat, so it was me he was staring at.When I stared back, he didn’t look away. The book I had withme was one written by another Experiencer, so I held it up highand wide open so the title would be easily visible to him. Theslight movement of his head indicated to me that he was tryingto read it. I kept staring at him over the top of the book, and allthe while he didn’t shift his gaze or change his deadpanexpression. I finally gave up and laid the book on my lap andstarted reading. A little while later I saw him get off at the nextstation.
Thursday, June 15
th
 
It’s my birthday today. Katherine and her motherpicked me up after work and we drove to Katherine’sboyfriend’s place, where Katherine made dinner for all. It wasafterwards, when she was standing in the kitchen, that hermother asked her about the bruises on her legs. Although shewas wearing a skirt, I hadn’t noticed them until Margaret saidsomething.My heart sank like a stone. Both of Katherine’s legswere covered in bruises. They were of the same size as theones I’ve been finding on my legs. Katherine said that she
 
124didn’t know for sure where she had gotten them, but suspectedit was from her job. She picks up trash around the seats in amovie theater, and thinks she might be hitting her shins on theseats. I didn’t say anything to the contrary, although the bruiseswere all over her legs and not just confined to the limited areawhere the seats would have been hitting her.
Tuesday, July 4
th
 
I’m vacationing all this week with my friend Arian ather mobile home park for seniors. She is the youngest of thosewho reside there, having just lived long enough to qualify. Ihappened to be outside and listening to my transistor radio withits earphones today, when the sound of a helicopter intruded onthe talk program I was tuned to. I looked up and saw ahelicopter leaving the area. Because of its distance and the wayit was positioned in the sky, I couldn’t see if it had markings ornot, or even if it had one rotor or two. I had been slow torecognize the sound as that of a helicopter through theheadphones and didn’t respond in time. But why would anyhelicopter buzz a mobile home park for seniors?
Friday, July 14
th
 
I woke up today feeling very spacey, like I wasdrugged. Two hours at work and four cups of coffee later, Istill couldn’t shake the feeling. I was making simple mistakeswith the paperwork on my desk and finally decided to go home.
 
125We are moving part of the office to a new location thisafternoon, and although I wanted to stay and help, I knew Icouldn’t be useful in my present condition. I’m going to take anap and hope that helps.As I powered up my computer to make this notation, Ichecked the history of my “Window Washer” program (itoverwrites the histories of various files on the computer), and itsaid that the last “wash” overwrote seven Internet-related files.The thing is, I haven’t been able to access the Internet for sometime now. When I try, the system message always says that Ican’t connect because either the modem is already being usedor it’s missing. I have a modem, but I think that Majestic hastaken control of it.
Saturday, July 15
th
 
I got up this morning at about 8 o’clock and had myusual weekend breakfast at the corner restaurant. I still feltdrugged and the feeling didn’t really leave me until after noon.It was only then that I noticed that I have two new wounds onmy right hand. They are red and ugly and appear to beinfected, so they would have to have been there for a day or soto have gotten so nasty. The one near the second joint of mythumb is a cut, three sixteenths of an inch long. The other isnear a vein on the back of my hand, near the base of the thumb.The vein is raised and that is the only way I would know thatit’s there, because I can’t see a vein on my left hand at the same
 
126spot. This wound looks like it could be a puncture mark. Ishould remember getting these wounds because they look likethey would have been painful at the time, but then again I wasprobably drugged. Damn bastards!
Monday, July 17
th
 
They were in my apartment again today. Whenever Icome home, my two cats usually act as if they couldn’t careless. They will normally be lounging in their favorite placesand might glance my way (or not) as I enter the room from thehallway. Today when I opened the door, both of them werestanding there to greet me. They circled near my feet until Imade my way into our living area and sat down, talking to meall the way. They’re going to need more attention than usualtonight.Oh yes, the door at the end of the hall that leads to thegarage stairway was open again when I came home, anothersign that Majestic has been here. The door wasn’t wide open,or even just ajar. The door was opened and then brought back to touch the door jamb. This is not a natural position for a doorwhen a person just walks through and doesn’t think to shut it.Even if a person was to swing the door backward as he passedthrough, it isn’t likely that it would wind up actually touchingthe door jamb. The door would either miss its mark or close. Itmight come quite close to touching the door jamb, but it usuallytakes a conscious act of placing the door in position to actually
 
127touch the jamb. It might happen once in a great while, but as Ithink this though I remember that the door has been lefttouching the door jamb almost every time I’ve seen it open.I’m sorry. I’m notoriously slow in getting things. Majesticprobably had hoped that I would figure this out long ago.Majestic wants the Experiencer to know when they’vevisited. All of this “sneak & peek” is meant to generate fearand paranoia. That’s why they leave the hallway door open inthat unnatural position. It’s right next to my apartment doorand I always glance over to check it when I come home.
Saturday, July 22
nd
 
When I woke up this morning around 7:30, my upperarms were sore, like I had done some pull-ups or carriedsomething heavy in both hands for a while. By the time Ifinished my weekend breakfast at the corner restaurant theydidn’t hurt anymore, but as of now (1:30 in the afternoon) theystill feel weak. What was I doing last night?
Friday, July 28
th
 
I noticed today two new puncture marks, one on theback of each of my hands. They are symmetrically placed inthat both are near the wrists, and about one inch from the edgeof the wrist (thumb side). Like all the others, they don’t hurt,but look like they should, because they’re red and ugly looking.The humans evidently never use an alcohol swab. They just
 
128 jam the needle in. I think these invasions of my body by theMajestic don’t hurt because I’m being cushioned from some of the effects of their harassment by my ET friends.
Saturday, August 5
th
 
Several things happened today to make me suspect thatsomeone came into my apartment last night. When I got up,my cats were all over me. Usually they’re very nonchalant.Pywacket may (or may not) see me to the door when I leave,but that’s because he’s been “dethroned” as the Alpha Cat byCharlie and needs reassurance that I still love him. I gotCharlie when she was a kitten to be company for Pywacket, butshe’s since grown to adulthood and asserted herself. Todaythey both saw me to the door when I left the apartment, evenvocalizing their concerns as I left. I glanced at the hallwaydoor. It was shut; no sign of Majestic there.All day long I’ve been hyper-emotional. When thishappens, it’s always strong feelings of compassion welling upinside of me. Today I was reduced to tears by an encounterwith a homeless man. There really isn’t that much thatseparates us. Genetically we’re all but identical, and growingup we had much in common. We were both little boys once,and both of us have had to deal with siblings, friends, bullies,teachers and our parents. We are both human, yet I have arelatively comfortable life and he’s carrying what fewpossessions he has in plastic bags and talking to the air around
 
129him. There, but for the grace of providence, go I. Later I blewmy nose and had my first nosebleed in years.Some have speculated that the nosebleeds Experiencersoften have are the result of nasal implants that are thought tostimulate the frontal lobes of the brain. That’s the area of ourgray matter that’s responsible for our higher mental processes.It’s where the concepts of right and wrong and our feelings of compassion are developed. Perhaps last night the little guyscame and stimulated my frontal lobes for an extra dose of goodfeeling for my fellow human beings.
Evening:
This will be my last journal entry. I’ve decided to stopnoting everything that happens in writing, at least as a journalentry. There are a couple of reasons. First I need to finish thisthing. If I keep adding to it, it will always be open-ended.The second is that my diary entries seem to encourageMajestic to continue their mischief. They invade my apartmentwhile I’m away and always do something to show me thatthey’ve been there. It’s part of their psychological warfare andit’s meant to create paranoia, or at least paranoid behavior.(Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean that they’re notreally out to get you.) If I freak out and act paranoid, thenpeople won’t take what I say seriously, and that’s exactly whatMajestic wants. Every time I took note in my journal that thehallway door was left open in that special way to indicate that
 
130Majestic was there, they did it again. It’s become so routinenow that I’m sure that even if the door is left that way, theyoften don’t bother even to enter the apartment. (My cats don’talways react now). Whenever I report on their doings, theytake it as a sign that their techniques are working because theygot a reaction out of me. I’ve decided now not to automaticallyrespond to the little things they do to me by noting it in my journal. Instead, I’ll write short chapters in this book about themajor events that continue to happen.
 
131
HIGH STRANGENESS
 
132
Terms & Definitions
Throughout this book I use certain words and terms thatI should define. Some of my definitions don’t quite matchthose in the dictionary, but when referring to very strangesituations that are outside the experience of most humans, or tosentient life forms who come from outside our normal time andspace, our earthly vocabulary (in whatever language) is oftennot up to the task.ET is
 
short for “Extraterrestrial,” which my dictionarydefines as “originating, located or occurring outside Earth or itsatmosphere.” Less than twenty years ago it was generallybelieved that all UFOs and their occupants came from someother terrestrial planet with a hard outer crust composed of bedrock, as opposed to a gaseous planet like Jupiter or Saturn.No other possibility was considered, because no otherpossibility was thought . . . possible.Since then most researchers have expanded theirthinking to include the concept of beings who can travelbetween dimensions, called “Interdimensionals” or “IDs.”
9
The
9
The current state of theoretical physics in the post-Einstein era is bestrepresented by what is known as “String Theory.” According to our currentunderstanding, reality is composed of eleven different dimensions. Thesedimensions vibrate like a string on a violin, each at a different rate, with ourexistence in this material dimension vibrating at the lowest rate. Eachdimension contains within it an infinite number of universes, eachrepresenting one of the infinite possibilities shown to mathematically existthrough the famous example of “Schrödinger’s Cat.” (Google it.)
 
133IDs that visit us are thought to exist mainly on the “Astral” or“Ethereal” Plane, a plane of existence right next to our own,separated by only a thin veil that hides it from our perception.This plane of existence can be accessed by humans through avariety of out-of-body travel techniques, including meditation,use of psychedelic drugs, the practice of remote viewing, oreven the act of dying (more on that later). There are manystories of people seeing the Grays when accessing the EtherealPlane through any one of these methods.It seems that dozens of different species are visitingEarth at present. Whether they’re from terrestrial planets orfrom other dimensions is often hard to discern. I’ve chosensimply to use the old tried and true “Alien” (with a capital A todifferentiate it from the human variety) and “ET” as a generalterm to refer to any sentient Being not originating on thisphysical Earth, including Interdimensionals.In my journal I wrote Gray with a capital “G,” but fromhere on out I’ll be more specific. Whenever I refer to the GrayAliens I’ll now use the lower case (gray) to indicate the smallvariety, and the upper case (Gray) when referring to the tallerones who appear to be their supervisors.UFO is an acronym for “Unidentified Flying Object.”Edward Ruppelt, director of Project Blue Book, coined thephrase, but it quickly became a misnomer as the military earlyon leaned toward the extraterrestrial explanation as the only
 
134answer that fit the facts of the phenomenon and said so in print,before the lid slammed shut within the military on opendiscussion of the subject when the CIA took control of allUFO-related information-gathering in 1956.
10
 “Flying Saucer” was originally part of a newspaperheadline, referring to Kenneth Arnold’s description in 1947 of his sighting of disks that flew in formation near Mount Rainierin the state of Washington. He said they looked like twosaucers, one turned on top of the other and later described theirmovements to reporters, “like a saucer would [look] if youskipped it across the water.” The term stuck.“Fast Walker” is supposedly the military designation forthe typical small flying saucer, and of course “Mother Ship”refers to one that is much larger.I like Captain Ruppelt’s “UFO” because, in the largersense, we really don’t know what they are. Are these ships that
10
Refer to page 338 in the Appendix for a photocopy of the original dust jacket to the hardcover edition of Flying Saucers from Outer Space, byMajor Donald Keyhoe, USMC, ret. On the back is reproduced a letterreceived by the publisher from the Department of Defense, written by publicrelations officer Albert Chop on DOD stationary, describing Major Keyhoeas “a responsible, accurate reporter,” and confirming that “all the sightingreports and other information he listed have been cleared and made availableto Major Keyhoe from Air Technical Intelligence records, at his request.”The letter ends by saying that there are those in the Air Force who believe“if the apparently controlled maneuvers reported by many competentobservers are correct, then the only remaining explanation is theInterplanetary Answer.” In Flying Saucer Conspiracy, another book byKeyhoe, he reproduced a letter from Edward J. Ruppelt, Chief of ProjectBlue Book, in which Ruppelt stated that he agreed with the above statementby Mr. Chop in regards to the origins of flying saucers.
 
135traverse the stars, or they interdimensional transport? Are theynuts-and-bolts aircraft, or are they possibly a hybrid of machineand biological life, as some people like Bob Lazar havespeculated?Some have said that there are no real UFOs, meaningthat their origins are known, at least to the government, andtherefore not “unidentified.” I think that’s too simplistic ananswer. Which UFOs are they talking about? With dozens of Alien species visiting Earth from planets in this or any one of ten other dimensions, any one flying disk can come from justabout anywhere. Just because they look alike, doesn’t meanthey all come from the same place. Are all Boeing 747 aircraftmanufactured at the same factory? Are they all based in thesame country? Do all their crews even speak the samelanguage?There are UFOs of many different designs, from thefamiliar “saucer” or “disk” to the more old-fashioned cigar-shaped craft, and now large noiseless triangular airships arebeing sighted more and more often. I’ll use UFO to describeAlien flying craft in general, and “saucer” or “disk” whentalking about ships of a circular design.The two words used most often to describe me andothers like me who have Awakened into this new paradigm are“Abductee” and “Experiencer.” One word is obviouslynegative in its implication, while the other suggests a more
 
136natural position as to how one feels about their Awakening.
11
 Throughout the rest of the book I will on occasion use thesetwo words separately, but most often I’ll combine them intoone word, “Abductee/Experiencer,” as I try to speak to thesetwo groups of my fellow travelers.I use the name “Majestic” to refer to that arm of oursecret government that’s responsible for all matters related toUFOs. It was the name given to President Truman’s originalUFO advisory panel. Although there is no real evidence that itremained in existence beyond its original mandate toinvestigate a UFO crash sight near Roswell, New Mexico in1947, it’s only logical to assume that the Majestic-12Committee (or something like it) continues to monitor the UFOsituation, including the surveillance of those people in contactwith their occupants.
11
See “What do We Call Ourselves” on page 225 for a more thoroughdiscussion of the meaning and use of these two words.
 
137
The “Physical” Evidence
When Experiencers go searching for evidence that thestrangeness that has taken hold their lives is in fact real and nota figment of their imagination, they often don’t have look beyond their own bodies to confirm that something bizarre isgoing on in the middle of the night. The sudden appearance of a scoop mark on your leg or the discovery of an unexplainedscar or scrape marks can go a long way to proving that you’renot crazy, at least to yourself.Over the years, there were many times when I wouldwake up to find that something had happened to my body whileI slept. Some of the effects were permanent, others transitory.In this segment I’ll note all the “physical evidence” my bodyhas collected during my years of ET contacts. (Thepsychological changes I’ve undergone are described elsewherein this book.)
Puncture Marks
On many occasions over the years, I would discoverwhat looked like puncture marks on various parts of my body,including the backs of my legs and hands. Many of theseincidents were duly reported in my journal. If they were needlepunctures, I don’t know who administrated the injections. Itcould have been the ETs or my human intruders, although I
 
138expect that both do inject me with something at various timesfor their own separate purposes.These puncture marks were of two distinct varieties.Some I was able to easily identify as needle injection sites,especially when I felt like I was drugged. Then there werethose that appeared in clusters, forming circular or semicircularpatterns on the backs of my legs. They were accompanied by araised portion of the skin directly below the puncture andlooked for all the world like mosquito bites. These mosquito-like marks have been reported by other Abductee/Experiencers.I also have a lower back injury, and in the days leadingup to the Bay Area UFO Expo in Santa Clara, California inAugust of 2006, it was particularly painful in the sciatic area onthe left side. I could feel a skin disruption of some kind there,but couldn’t see anything using my personal hand mirror.When I checked into my hotel room, I used the magnifyingmirror attached to the wall in the bathroom to get a better look.It was a puncture mark and it was directly over the source of my pain.It was the first UFO convention that I attended after Irestarted work on my book, and I took a room for the weekendso I wouldn’t have to commute the 50 miles each way for bothdays of the event. I woke up the next morning with a freshneedle mark on the back of my right hand. Cynthia, anExperiencer friend of mine who was also attending the
 
139convention, was quite excited when she saw it and showed myhand to several of her friends.The motives of my human tormentors are fairly easy todiscern. I’m told that, aside from wanting to inflict pain andsuffering by inflaming old injuries, the abductions by thegovernment (called “military re-abductions”) are often done to“debrief” the Abductee/Experiencer after an ET visit, throughthe use of hypnosis and sometimes the injection of drugs.I said earlier that I thought that at least some of mypuncture marks were caused by the ETs. But why would theywant to inject me with anything?In the early morning hours of August 17, 1994 I wokeup feeling very altered perceptually and staggered to my desk towrite two words on my notepad, “I’m metamorphosing.” Iwanted to document the thought I had in my head when I wokeup, but I couldn’t stay conscious and right afterwards stumbledback to my pillow and “fell asleep.”The drugs administered by the ETs are, I think, meant toalter me internally. The process, called “Transgenics,” isdescribed in a book by UFO researchers Budd Hopkins and hiswife Carol Rainey. The authors believe that, in addition to thehuman–Alien hybrid program where human female eggs andmale sperm are united with Alien genes to form hybrid fetuses,humans are also physically “transformed” using gene therapy.As to why Aliens would want to alter selected humans,
 
140all we can do is speculate. To survive on other planets? Tosurvive here on Earth, after some drastic change that is tocome? To change us into a fifth column of methane-breathingSpace Bugs in preparation for an invasion? Who knows? All Iknow is that I don’t.
Raised Veins
In 1995 I noted . . .
“On several occasions, I’ve woken up after a visit with theveins on the backs of my hands standing out predominantly,twice their normal size. After a couple of hours, they return tonormal. When I described this to Leila, she likened it to a“histamine reaction.”
 This cyclic raising and lowering of the veins on thebacks of my hands continued for years. Then there was aperiod of almost two years when they were always raised up. Ithought, in fact, that it had become a permanent condition. Iwas beginning to think that maybe it was just a sign of advancing age. I see a lot of elderly people with raised veins onthe back of their hands. But recently I was startled to noticethat the backs of my hands were smooth once again, and thatnone of the veins were even noticeable. They came back after afew hours, as high as ever, but then receded again. The rise andfall of the veins on my hands is back to a cyclic pattern again,periods of time when they’re very predominant, followed byequal periods when they’re not visible at all.
 
141
Bruises
Very often after a visit by someone in the night (an ETor a Majestic agent, I never know for sure which), I wouldwake up with bruises on my legs. It used to happen quite often,but now only on rare occasions.I used to wonder if I was so clumsy that I walked intothings when I was with the ETs and in that hypnotic-like mentalstate. Other times I would think that maybe some of it wasbecause of rough handling by Majestic thugs. I was very upsetwhen I found out that my daughter Katherine was alsodiscovering bruises on her legs for which she couldn’t account.While they never were painful, they were always dark and uglylooking.Some of the bruising might be caused by the ETs, butsome is definitely caused by Majestic’s heavy hand, literally.Some Abductee/Experiencers have found bruises withfingerprints etched in them on their arms and legs, proving theywere held down with human hands. Although I never noticedany fingerprints on me, many of the smaller bruises were nearwhat looked like puncture marks. If those marks were fromneedle punctures, then those bruises might well have been aresult of being forcibly held down. Perhaps my attackers worelatex gloves when they administered their injections.
Right Foot, Left Foot, a Painful Dance
There was a period of about six months when I would
 
142feel sharp pains in the heel of my right foot whenever I wouldstand up to walk. The longer I had gone without putting weighton that foot, the more painful it was when I did. I would limpfor a while before the pain would subside to a level where Icould distribute my weight on both feet again and walk fairlynormally. I never did go to a doctor. I was unemployed duringthat time and couldn’t afford one. I also knew deep downinside that this was caused by the ETs, and that human doctorswouldn’t find anything. After enduring this condition forseveral months the pain shifted to the heel of my left foot,leaving the right one feeling completely normal again.Shortly afterwards I started work as a truck driver for asmall Korean household moving company that catered toKorean nationals moving to and from the US. I rememberbeing thankful that my right foot was feeling normal again,because it was the one I now used for the gas and brake pedalswhen I drove. The left foot was just as painful as the right onehad ever been, and for just about as long. Afterwards, I neverhad a problem with either foot again.The same thing later happened to a lady friend of minefor a while, and in the same manner, with one foot beingaffected for several months and then the other.
The Case of the Mysterious Muscles
There have been many times when I’ve woken up in themiddle of the night with my arms and legs aching as if I had
 
143been lifting heavy objects and hiking for miles in my sleep. Iwould often have to take pain medication to go back asleepbecause I would hurt so much.First of all, let me say that I’m now in my early 60s andI lead a very sedentary lifestyle, the only exercise I get beingthe three blocks I walk each way to and from the publictransportation I take to work. I sometime joke that if I didn’twalk down the escalators, I wouldn’t get any exercise at all.So it was more than a little surprising when I discoveredthat I had developed muscles in places where I hadn’t had anybefore. The muscles in my upper arms atrophied years ago, butI find I now can flex a pretty firm bicep in either arm. Also mycalf muscles are much harder than they were before. Evidently,I’ve been working out in my sleep.This is great! I get results without having to take timeout and go to a gym. I don’t even have to be motivated toexercise because I evidently have my own personal trainer whowon’t take no for an answer. The best part is I don’t have toremember any of it, just feel the pain after it’s all over and popsome ibuprofen.But seriously, it’s sobering to think that something “outthere” wants to toughen me up. What’s in store for me, that Ineed to be in good physical shape in my old age to be preparedfor it?
 
144
A Cleansing?
Having survived the California water shortages of the70s and 80s, I have the habit of not flushing my toilet everytime I urinate, so it may stand for several hours betweenflushings. In 1994, I wrote . . .
 My urine, if left in the toilet bowl for a couple of hours,will get cloudy and very slimy looking. Also there were cyclic periods of several weeks duration when my urine would  produce black sediment in the commode, just below the water line. It would have to be brushed away with a toilet brush. Thecoating was too thin, however, to scrape up and collect as asample.
The appearance of my urine eventually reverted to itsnormal state, of either being clear or of a yellow color, evenwhen left unattended overnight. The black sediment was neverreproduced again, but sometime in the summer of 2006 myurine started becoming a disgusting cloudy and slimy messagain when left to sit for a few hours. This went on for over ayear, but then it reverted to normal yet again.I was later able to confirm that this is indeed a cleansingprocess of some kind. In 1992 I stopped eating mammals,deciding that they were just too high up on the food chain.They have all the emotions of humans and it just seems toomuch like cannibalism to me. Not liking vegetables, I eat a lotof chicken and tuna. Until a year ago I ate maybe six cans of albacore (white tuna) a week, because I had heard that dolphinsdon’t swim with them as they do with other varieties of tuna, so
 
145they aren’t caught up in the fishing nets. As it turns out,albacore has up to five times the mercury levels of regular tuna.I’ve since switched to regular tuna and only eat thatoccasionally now, but whenever I do my urine becomes a slimymess for the next several days.
What Did They Do to My Teeth?
I have a memory of a “dream” fragment. I becomeaware that I’m conscious, but I have my eyes closed. Mymouth is open and suddenly I feel all of my teeth leave in onefell swoop, first the uppers and then, in rapid succession, thelower set of teeth. I remember being amazed, but quickly lostconsciousness. After that night, my bite was off and I keptbiting the inside of my cheek for a week or two afterwards. Itried to establish with my dentist that something was wrong, buthe couldn’t find anything unusual.
Funny, I Don’t Remember Having Brain Surgery
Years ago I found a scar on the back of my neck, just upin the hairline. I was sporting a ponytail at the time. When Ishaved my neck, I accidentally went up higher than usual anddiscovered it using a hand mirror. A friend measured it at justless than five inches in length. Now the question is, “Who didit, the ETs or Majestic?I also don’t have any major memory lapses in my life. Iimagine it would take some time to recover from surgery,
 
146especially one that would require such a long incision. Now Iknow that the ETs can work out of time, so they’re the logicalfirst suspect.
12
The length of the scar suggests to me, however,that it might have been Earthly medicine that would have needfor that much room to maneuver. I don’t think the ETs wouldhave needed to be so evasive. If that’s true, then thegovernment might be in possession of time-altering technology.(There are some books written from the fringes of UFOlogythat put forth just that hypothesis.) Or perhaps they have somesecret medical advancement that speeds the physical healing of wounds, or something like that used in conjunction with a post-hypnotic suggestion for the subject to ignore the affected areafor a while.I personally don’t know the answer, at least notconsciously. At first I thought that the ETs might have donesome corrective surgery. My grandmother, Happy, died of abrain aneurysm and I thought that maybe they had acted toprevent something similar from happening to me. Howevertwo good friends of mine, both of whom happen to be genuinepsychics, told me (independently of each other, I might add)that it was a surgical procedure performed by governmentdoctors, meant to interfere with my psychic development.Although the higher psychic functions of humans are located
12
I was given a dramatic demonstration of their ability to manipulate timeand space. (See “Missing Time in Bumper-to-Bumper Traffic” on page161.)
 
147behind the forehead, at the third eye or sixth charka, ouranimal-like psychic abilities are seated in the primal part of thebrain, near the back. Both the higher and lower psychic centershave to work together, I’m told, to produce “self-generated”effects.In addition to the scar on the back of my neck and theone on my genitals, which I described earlier in my journal, Ialso have one on my chin. Most of it is hidden in the naturallines under the chin, but the scar turns upwards on the left sideand ends quite noticeably at the top.I also have what I think is a Majestic implant, locateddirectly over my left temple. I have felt it for years, but nowthat I’m cutting my hair short, it’s quite obvious. It looks andfeels like a dark crusted scab, and my head will hurt whenever Itouch it, even slightly. The ET inplants I have are fleshy innature and have never caused me any pain.
Nighttime Sunburns
On May 21, 1994 I reported in my journal that I hadsomehow acquired a sunburn during the previous night.Although I didn’t note when it happened next, it did happenagain at least three other times. The severity of the burns Ireceived in the last incident induced me to break my prohibitionand write one more time in my UFO journal.
 
148
October 17, 2006 – Tuesday 
 
 I’m recovering from what I think is a mild case of radiation poisoning. Yesterday, when I got up I wasn’t feelingtoo well. For the last two weeks I’ve been battling severesciatic pain on my right side. A regimen of hot and cold packs,exercise and codeine medication have barely kept me from panic, as pain constantly shoots up and down my leg. I had believed my queasiness was due to the cumulative effects of exhaustion and frayed nerves that can result from severechronic pain. I shaved and got dressed to go to work, pushing asidethoughts of calling in sick. At my age, I don’t want to give people at work any reason to question my ability to keep up, sooff to work I went. I knew that something had happened duringthe night, though. My lips were numb. I stopped on the way to work to talk with a street musician and he commented on my “sunburn.” I didn’t knowwhat he was talking about because I hadn’t been out of myapartment all weekend (except for breakfast at the corner café,a half a block away from my apartment), but when I stopped bythe restroom at work before going to my desk I saw what hehad been talking about. Three fourths of my face was a dark red color with a clear straight line down the middle of my left cheek, marking the boundary between pink flesh and red meat. It didn’t hurt, although it certainly looked as if it should, and earlier in the morning I was able to shave without feeling anyundue tenderness. (The ETs have for me often rendered  painless what should have been very painful.) For some reasonthe artificial lighting in my bathroom at home didn’t show theredness nearly as clearly as the natural lighting in thebathroom at work, which is provided by a light-well and a bank of corrugated glass windows. Three of my co-workers saw the“sunburn.” One hypothesized a drug reaction with one of mymedications. The usual morning cups of coffee didn’t doanything to improve my stamina, so I finally went home and slept the rest of the day and most of the night (never more thantwo hours in a row, of course).
 
149
 I was better today, but felt drained and bit nauseous at the end of eight hours at work. My lips feel normal today and when I looked in the mirror this morning I could see theredness, but this time I was looking for it. There was somethingnew, however, a couple of blisters on the left side of my forehead. The skin in that area is very red, standing out fromthe rest of my face in contrast. In the middle of the redness is araised section with a clear membrane on top. There is asecond, smaller blister nearby. Also, I didn’t see the clear lineof demarcation down my left cheek, as I did yesterday. Thewhole of my face is red now. It appears that I was dosed withradiation a second time last night. This time it was enough toblister me! By the time I got home today, the fluid in both blistershad dissipated, leaving empty sacks of skin lying against my forehead to mark where they had been. The redness is stillthere and my face does feel tender now. I guess the anesthesia(hypnosis-induced?) is wearing off.This has happened several times before. This was theonly time that I’ve blistered, though, and the only time when I’ve felt ill afterwards.
13
 There were several times when I woke up with my eyesinflamed and feeling like they were filled with sand. It usuallytook a couple of doses of eye drops to stifle the urge to rubthem. I suspect that these were also times when I was exposedto some sort of radiation, but perhaps not enough to redden theskin noticeably. I don’t know who radiated me, the ETs orMajestic, or what their purpose was for doing so. The secondof this last pair of incidents, though, appears to have been
13
A photograph taken several days later, showing the empty blister sacksstill visible on my forehead, is reproduced on page 353 in the Appendix.
 
150meant to “erase” the line left on my forehead from the nightbefore.
Spontaneous Healings
Spontaneous healings are a somewhat controversialsubject in the UFO community. Not everyone gets them.Those who do don’t like to talk about them very much, for fearof coming across as bragging. There are Experiencers out therewith serious medical problems that need attention who can’tunderstand why, despite their willingness to cooperate with theETs, they don’t receive this kind of special attention.In my journal, I’ve described several times when theETs have healed me in some way. The first, only a month afterI had Awakened in 1994 to the fact that something strange hadtaken hold of my life, occurred after I strained my chest andshoulder on my home exercise machine. The second was whenI asked for, and received, a healing of the tendonitis in my lefthand. The next healing was one that I hadn’t asked for and onethat wasn’t physically necessary, thus showing me again thatthe ETs I’m involved with are compassionate beings. I drank too much the night I learned that I had lost a job opportunity forwhich I had been training for weeks. They eased both mynausea and my depression that time. Besides these specific actsof mercy that I’ve described in my journal, I have receivedother spontaneous healings from the ETs.For many years I drove for a living. It’s an unfortunate
 
151occupational hazard for such people to develop precancerousnodes on the high points of their faces, especially on the left,the driver side that gets the sun.Sometime in 1995, I had a spontaneous healing of justsuch a node on my nose that had suddenly flared up andbecame three times its normal size. I procrastinated and didn’tcall my doctor. After about a week, I woke up to find that ithad shrunk back to its original size. It bled slightly when Itouched it that morning, and I later found a bloody spot on mybath towel.Six months to a year after that, I noticed that anotherprecancerous node that I had had on my nose for years hadsuddenly grown in size. A few days later I woke up to find thatit had been dealt with during the night in the same manner asthe previous one.Years later, in May of 2006, another node that haddeveloped on my left cheek was removed completely, before itshowed any signs of becoming inflamed like the others. I guessthey caught on to the fact that I don’t like going to doctors and,because of my stubbornness, decided that they would have totake care of the problem themselves.In order to tell the reader of a wondrous spontaneoushealing I received, for which I will be eternally grateful, I mustadmit to having done something that I’m ashamed of and wouldreally rather forget. In the name of truth and honesty, though,
 
152I’ll swallow my pride and tell you that there was a six-monthperiod in my history when I was married to crack cocaine. Itwas the darkest time of my life, when I didn’t care if I lived ordied. I guess, after a while, I realized that I really would die if Ididn’t stop what I was doing, and I didn’t want my daughter toknow that her father had come to such a pitiful end. I threwaway my pipe four different times and each time I went back and bought another one the next day. After the fifth time, Ifinally succeeded in putting it down for good.I slowly returned to the land of the living, but I haddestroyed my lungs. I tired easily and it was difficult for me tobreathe at times. After two years of living with very little lungpower, struggling for breath after even the slightest bit of physical activity, I suddenly became aware one day that I wasable to breathe deeply again. I couldn’t believe it. I had mylungs back!I first noticed it after I climbed the three flights of stairsto visit my mother one afternoon. Her apartment buildingdidn’t have an elevator, and each time I went to see her I wouldhave to drag myself up the stairs, stopping at each landing for afew seconds to catch my breath. But one day I was amazed tofind that I hadn’t needed to stop for a rest and had made it tothe top breathing normally all the way! I was dumbfounded,and so very grateful to “the powers that be.” I still am.The middle of my back is still numb, however. The
 
153cocaine evidently collected there and, to this day, someone canstick a straight pin in my back and I won’t feel it.Over the years, the ETs have been very patient with meand my foolishness, but in this instance they were cautious aswell. They waited two years before healing me to verify that Ihad resolved the issues that derailed my life, and that I wassecure in my sobriety.
 
154
Have We Met Before?
 
In my journal entry of June 10, 1994 I reported that I“dreamt” I had been with a certain woman for a while and, atthe end of the dream, wondered to myself if she wasn’t also anExperiencer.Months later I took my daughter to a Denny’sRestaurant near where she lived with her mother. When thewaitress came to our table, she looked at me and asked me if wehad ever met before. At that point I looked at her more closelyand then remembered her as the woman in my dream! I hid mysurprise as best as I could and didn’t let on that I recognizedher. What could I say – “I saw you in a flying saucer”? Andbesides, my daughter was there with me.When she came back to the table to serve our food, sheasked again if I was sure we hadn’t met somewhere. Again Ihad to bite my tongue and say that I didn’t think so. I thoughtof going back later to see if I could get to know her better, butwhat could I have said to her? I had already denied having mether before. At that time in my life I wasn’t that good at keepingmy ET experiences to myself (I’ve since given up trying), and Iwas sure that at some point I would blurt it all out to her andcome across as a crazy person. I just let it go. I’ve oftenthought later that the ETs might have been trying to bring ustogether for some reason, but I chose not to cooperate.
 
155
Something with Claws
A lady friend of mine once described hearing somethingwhen she stayed over one night, “like a dog walking onlinoleum with its claws making that clicking sound.” She wastoo afraid to look, she said, and after a few seconds, “fellasleep.” Just before she did, though, she glanced over at meand saw that I was lying there on my back with my eyes wideopen, but unconscious.Many months later, after our relationship had ended, Iwas lying in bed with my face to the wall when I heard thatsame sound behind me, like a dog with long claws walking on alinoleum floor. (I have hardwood floors in my apartment.) Iinstantly remembered what my old girlfriend had said andrealized that this was my moment of truth. Would I be braveenough to turn around and look?I wanted to. I had on several occasions asked the Graysto tell me what was really happening in the middle of the nightwhen they visited, but was told through two different “dreams”that it was too scary for me to know.
14
I wanted to turn aroundand show them (and myself) that, although I was afraid, I wasalso brave.I wanted to turn around . . . but I didn’t. I lay there
14
Besides the dream reported in my journal entry of September 15, 1994, Ihad another “dream” in which my nerve was tested against the Chuckydoll from the horror movie franchise,
Child’s Play
. I lost.
 
156trembling, wishing they would just put me to sleep and dowhatever they came to do.After about a minute or so of waiting, I finally lostconsciousness.
 
157
My “Secret School”
Whitley Strieber wrote several books describing his ETexperiences. One is called
The Secret School
, in which herecounts his nighttime education as a child, administered by theGrays in an outdoor classroom setting with several otherchildren in attendance. A special teaching helmet was used toshow the children holographic videos as part of theirinstruction. I, too, attended a “Secret School” when I was ayoung boy.It was around 1957 in Oklahoma, where I spent my lifefrom age six to twelve. I would have to walk to school, whichwas about a quarter of a mile away. As I followed my route Iwould cut across a couple of empty lots and finally through anold field of weeds, with a small abandoned horse barn by acreek that meandered nearby. I remember that broken-downhorse barn had a strong attraction for me. I didn’t know why,but I would stare at it all the while I crossed the field in themorning. While I was walking home in the afternoon I usuallyhad something else on my mind, but during my morning trek toschool my attention was always riveted on that old shack.In the early 1970s, I returned for Happy’s funeral andtook a nostalgic walk to see that old barn again. By then it hadbeen reduced to a few bleached pieces of lumber loosely held
 
158together by rusted nails. After all that time, though, the placestill held a strong attraction to me. It was hard to leave.Later in 1995 I was reading Strieber’s description of hisnighttime gathering with other children sitting around in acircle with the ETs, and it triggered in me a similar childhoodmemory at the site of that old horse barn. I remember sittinginside it at night (when it still had something of a roof) withsome other children thinking that I knew some of them, butdidn’t know the others. There were “grown-ups” there whocouldn’t be seen directly, but we understood that they were incharge and the reason why we were there. I don’t remember ahelmet, though, or anything specific about the kind of instruction we received, if any.
 
159
The ET Employment Agency
During a prolonged period of unemployment in my life,I had another strange “dream.” I was given a sheet of paper bymy supervising Gray and told to look at it very carefully. Iwanted very much to pass this new “test” and to please myhandler, so I looked at the paper most intently.
15
 It had a column of letters in groups of three or fourrunning down the left side of the paper. To the right of some of those letter groupings, and on the same line, was repeated thesame sequence of letters followed by a slash and anothersequence of three or four letters. Some lines had more than onenew sequence, in addition to the repeated initial grouping of letters. It didn’t make any sense to me, and that’s where thedream ended.Months later, as a temporary employee, I was sent bymy employment agency to work at a Dub and Ship House forradio and television commercials. A Dub and Ship Housemakes copies of commercials as they are received from the adagencies that make them, and ships them to the broadcastingstations around the country that are contracted to air them.
15
I call my supervising Gray my “Shadow Man,” because he’s alwaysstanding in a dark shadow and I can never get a clear look at his face.Whenever he gives me a directive, I listen intently to make sure that Iunderstand the instructions fully, and I endeavor to comply with everydetail. My deference to him is complete and I feel and act as if mycooperation is extremely important.
 
160There was some discussion as to where to assign me,either as an order taker, customer service rep, or as a reviewer(someone who makes sure all the stations that are to receive thecommercials are listed correctly on the work order). TheReview Department won out and I was added to their ranks.After a round of introductions in my new office, I wasshown the paperwork that I was expected to proofread. My jawdropped to the floor when I saw a column of station call letters(groupings of three or four random letters, beginning with “W”or “K”) running down the left side of the paper, with their“sister” stations (stations owned by the same company) listedon the same line beside them. The sister stations wereseparated from each other by slashes (/). It was exactly what Ihad been shown months earlier by my supervising Gray!It was suddenly obvious to me that it had beendetermined long before I went to work there that I would findemployment at that particular company and in that particularoffice of the company. I was blown away. Aside from acouple of spontaneous healings that I couldn’t be sure weren’t just to keep their rat running the maze, this was my first realindication that, for whatever reason, I was somehow special tothem. I had never heard before of the ETs going out of theirway to find a job for an Experiencer, nor have I since. Afterfive months of working at the company as a temp, I was made apermanent hire with vacations and full benefits.
 
161
Missing Time in Bumper-to-Bumper Traffic
What I’m about to relate is utterly fantastic, but thisincident, shared with one other person in 1997, illustrates howthe ETs can manipulate time and space in ways that seem to uslike magic.It was the evening of September 7
th
and the three-dayUFO convention that visited San Francisco every year wascoming to an end. I had volunteered for several years runningto staff the information booth at these events in exchange for afree ticket. I particularly enjoyed meeting and interacting withthe people who would come up and ask for directions to thebathrooms, food court, or sales room. It was getting late, andpeople were beginning to leave in earnest when I saw that anattractive woman I had talked with earlier was visibly upset.The light rail transportation system (BART) thatservices our megalopolis had gone on strike only hours before.Lisa (not her real name) was a vender from out of town, sellinga book she had written and published, an encyclopedia of sortsof various alternative medicines and therapies. She was stayingat the home of a friend of hers across the Bay and now she wasmarooned on the wrong side. Although I lived in the city, I toldher that I would make the round trip across the bridge and takeher to where she needed to go for a twenty-dollar bill. She
 
162agreed and left to telephone her friend for directions, while Iclosed down the information booth.When she returned, she read from the notes she hadtaken. Our instructions were to proceed up Highway 580 andthen take the exit for the Caldecott Tunnel, Highway 24. Ourexit was the first one, just on the other side of the tunnel in thetown of Orinda. I told her that I knew how to get us that far,but that she would have to direct me after that point. We puther things in the back seat of my car and set out for the BayBridge.By the time we made the crossing, it was about nineo’clock. Although it was late, because of the strike the trafficwas bumper to bumper as we began to approach the tunnel.Right before the tunnel comes into view there is a sign thatreads, “Turn on your headlights.” I remember that I saw thatsign and complied with its directive, but I never saw the tunnel.Right after I turned on the headlights, my sight becamevery limited and I thought that I might be blacking out. Istrained to keep my eyes open, terrified that I might crash thecar in the middle of what seemed be a stroke. I could only seeas far as the rear bumper of the car in front of me, and I focusedall my attention on keeping it in sight and trying not to loseconsciousness, but in a second or two my field of visionnarrowed still further so that all I could see was the steeringwheel in front of me! I felt for certain that we were going to
 
163crash at that moment, and then everything went black for asecond or two.My vision suddenly returned and instead of seeing theinside of the tunnel, I was looking at the highway ahead of mewith a sign approaching, announcing that our exit was only aquarter of a mile away. I remember thinking that what I wasseeing was impossible. I tried to reorient myself, take note of the exit coming up, and keep the car on the road, all the whileabsorbing the shock of what had just happened. It was a fewseconds before I said out loud, “I don’t remember goingthrough the tunnel.”“Not unless it was a very short tunnel,” Lisa replied. (Infact, the Caldecott Tunnel is over a quarter of a mile long andvery brightly lit.) She was a bit confused and didn’t know whatto say. I didn’t either, especially since she was leaving forhome the next day and that didn’t leave much time for us totalk. It was an awkward moment as we said good-bye to eachother. I later wrote her a letter, having retrieved her addressfrom a copy of her book that she had given me, but she neverreplied.Considering the distances involved and the time wearrived at our destination, there could have been some missingtime, but I couldn’t say for sure. I hadn’t looked at my watchfor some time before the incident.The enormity of what the ETs had done freaked me out.
 
164Although I had one other incident that seemed to suggest thatthe Grays could move back and forth in time, this wassomething far more powerful.
16
Here we were in a stream of cars going the speed limit in a well-lighted approach to one of the longest tunnels in Northern California, when apparently alltraffic in the area was stopped; our car was lifted up into the air,floated over the tunnel, deposited back onto the highway andtime started back up again. It was as if the Grays had a remotecontrol, like the ones for your DVD player at home, that couldpause time itself. Their control unit must be powerful enoughto extend the effect for some distance, though, because we werein bumper-to-bumper traffic when it happened.I wonder if drivers at the periphery of the effect thoughtthere was an accident up ahead, when everything stopped.What of the cars at that very edge of the effect, where driverswere “switched off,” but those behind them weren’t? What didthose drivers see, perhaps an illusion of some kind? Whatwould have happened if a helicopter had flown into the area?The mind boggles! The ETs could have taken Lisa and meseparately, or together at some other less conspicuous locationalong the route we took from the Expo, but for some reason
16
I woke up one night and looked up at my clock radio to see that the timewas one hour before I had gone to bed. There was a shadowy presencestanding beside my bed and I quickly fell back asleep, even as I ponderedwhat seemed to be an impossibility.
 
165they wanted to give us both an elaborate demonstration of theirpowers.
 
166
Insects in My Face
I had another “dream” that wasn’t a dream where I waslying on my back on a table, with my hands at my side. Iopened my eyes to see that insects of some kind were swarmingaround my groin and I watched them quietly without moving.One of them turned and flew up to my face. I brought myhands up from my side and put them in front of me, in an effortto protect myself from the flying insect.A man for whom I felt great deference came out of theshadows and told me that I must keep my hands down andproceeded to “tuck me in” so that my arms were at my side andI couldn’t move them. I tried to explain to the man, whom Istill couldn’t see very well because he was standing just behindthe periphery of my vision, that I had only been trying toprotect my face from a swarm of flying insects. I thought tomyself that I hoped he understood that I wasn’t at fault, but Iknew that whatever was happening was important and Iendeavored to comply with his wishes and kept my hands downat my side. I remembered thinking to myself, as the dreamended, that I hoped I was strong enough not to panic if thatflying bug were to buzz my face again.
 
167
The Flying Van
Yet another “dream” I had. I was standing with a groupof people as we waited for something. Off in the distance wasa pair of headlights. They were coming at us extremely fastand made a wide sweep in the form of an “S” as theyapproached, before the vehicle suddenly stopped in front of us.We were with some short people who seemed to supervise us aswe got into the van. I took the position by the window, behindthe driver’s seat. The seat in front of me was high-backed andthe driver was in shadows so I couldn’t see him. Wheneveryone was inside, the doors shut and we were on our way.After a while, I looked out the window and saw thecity’s lights shining in the night below us. “Oh,” I said, “We’reflying!” A split second after I said that, the scene outside mywindow changed. Suddenly we were driving on city streets.“Oh, I guess I was wrong,” I thought. ”We’re not flying.” Iremember I was confused by the sudden change in scenery andthen the “dream” ended.It seems that someone who should have beenmonitoring me more closely wasn’t. I saw something I wasn’tsupposed to. I got a peek behind the Wizard’s curtain. It wasanother incident that demonstrates that the ETs aren’t infallible.Jim Keith, noted conspiracy theorist, postulated thatmost UFO Abductions are done by the elements of the CIA
 
168with the military, and disguised as ET Abductions to cover-uptheir mind control experiments on innocent civilians. Keithaddressed the issue of “vans” piloted by ETs with a goodhelping of sarcasm. “It is perhaps a gauge of the quality of much UFO research that it is considered a serious possibilitythat these vans sometimes reported in conjunction withabductions and cattle mutilations (or alternately, the black helicopters that often show up around cattle mutilations) aredisguised, shape-morphing extra-terrestrial craft. Strange, butif aliens are involved in all of this – and I have grave doubtsthat they are – instead of vans, wouldn’t the more commonlydescribed Star Trek-like ‘teleporter beams’ as depicted in
FireFrom the Sky
be more their speed, much more convenient, andless liable to be discovered? More to the point, when drivingvans, would little gray aliens be able to see above the steeringwheel?”
17
 Keith was a leading researcher in the field of secretgovernment mind control programs and of the techniquesdeveloped by the CIA in that area. He was one of the first todiscover that the military was simulating Alien Abductions,even using children dressed in rubber Gray costumes toconstruct the “screen memories” used to disguise the humannature of the event. Although he didn’t discount the possibility
17
Jim Keith,
Saucers of the Illuminati
,
 
Lilburn, GA: IllumiNet Press, 1999,pp. 18-19.
 
169that some abductions might be engineered by real Aliensinstead of humans, and even wrote about his own encounterwith a typical looking gray, I believe he tended to vastlyunderestimate the number of such cases. Instead, because hisfocus was on human mind control instead of UFOs and theiroccupants, he believed the military was behind most if not allAlien Abductions.If my dream of a flying van was a screen memory for anabduction event, which I believe it was, then I was mostcertainly taken by real ETs, as opposed to humans trying tofake an ET Abduction. If in this instance my abductors hadbeen human and had been trying to convince me that they wereETs instead (as Jim Keith would have argued), but erred inshowing me the wrong “view” outside my window, then theimages I was shown would most certainly have been in reverseorder. The mistake would have been to let me see that we wereactually driving on city streets, instead of flying in a UFO, andthe scene would have morphed into the intended aerial viewafter I discovered that our true altitude was closer to sea level.But that’s not the way it happened.I’m fortunate in that I have three reasons to believe thatat least some of my ET contacts are real, although I don’t doubtthat some are military abductions disguised as ET Abductions.First of all, I saw two grays materialize in my bedroom on thenight of June 11, 1994. (Kids in rubber suits can’t form out of 
 
170thin air.) Secondly, I and one other person experienced missingtime in bumper-to-bumper traffic, starting at one end of a verylong tunnel and ending on the other side. (That can’t be faked.)And finally, there’s my ride in a flying van and the mix-up of the screen images that I saw out the window.
 
171
The Miracle of the Lamp
A number of years ago, during a period of unemployment when I was anxious about my future and neededreassurance that things would turn out all right, the ETs showedme what I call “The Miracle of the Lamp.”I have no overhead lighting in the living area of mystudio apartment. At the time, light at one end of the room wasprovided by one of those lamps that are designed to be affixedto the edge of a desk top with a vise-grip like base. The lampitself, which can be extended to reach out over a work area, isinserted into the base unit that has a hole for the purpose. Thehole is usually protected with a plastic sleeve. I had this lampattached to a bookshelf, high enough so that when it wasextended out it could be used to illuminate a large area of myliving/bed room area.I was expecting a good friend of mine, Harold (also anExperiencer), to visit me that evening. The lamp, of course,was on. When he arrived knocking at my front door, I went toanswer. As I entered the room with Harold following behind, Iwas dumbfounded by what I saw. The lamp was out of its baseand hanging down against the bookcase by its electrical cord.It was still on; the filament of the bulb had not broken in thefall.But it hadn’t fallen. Pywacket couldn’t have gotten up
 
172that high to have knocked it down, and I didn’t hear anythingunusual. I would have expected to hear a crash of some sort if it had fallen. The base unit was untouched and, to add icing tothe cake, the plastic sleeve was out of its hole and standing onend atop the bookcase!In the minute or so that it took me to greet Harold at thedoor and hang up his coat, my ETs provided a demonstration toshow that they were still there, although unseen. It was asimple gesture, seemingly impossible yet undeniable, that filledme with wonder.
 
173
GovernmentHarassment
 
174
My Second Paradigm Shift
When I woke up to the fact that I was a UFOExperiencer, I entered a world of the fantastic. To find that mylife was playing out like some sort of science fiction movie wasmy first paradigm shift. The second shift came when the plotmorphed into a James Bond thriller with me cast in the role of avillain, complete with the latest high-tech equipment (back-engineered, of course) and covert warfare, this time with thegovernment fighting ETs and their fifth column of Experiencersinstead of THRUSH. (I’m sorry. I have a degree incinematography. I know how to make movies, and will oftenuse to them as cultural references to make my point.)What follows are descriptions of my surveillance andharassment over more than a dozen years by a secret arm of ourgovernment. The agents that routinely intimidateAbductee/Experiencers are referred to by many names. Mostare unrepeatable in mixed company, but a couple that are incurrent fashion are “OMAGS” (short for Obnoxious Militaryand Government Scoundrels), an acronym coined by the verypolite Experiencer, Leah Haley, and a traditional favorite, “Menin Black” (regardless of what they’re wearing at the time).I prefer, however, to use “Majestic,” the name thoughtto have been given to the Presidential advisory panel that wasoriginally charged with investigating the crash of a saucer on a
 
175ranch outside Roswell, New Mexico in 1947. The Majestic-12Committee
18
has undoubtedly changed its name since itsformation decades ago, but certainly not its mission. Thefollowing narratives will attest to that.Majestic is at the top of the Illuminati pyramid. Theyare the keepers of the biggest “secret” ever and have the highestsecurity clearances in existence. They can draw upon anygovernment resource and many that are held in private hands.Their budget is unlimited and they don’t answer to any branchof the government, government agency, or elected official.To many, the thought of their being unseen controllinginfluences in our lives is only for the most paranoid, andunworthy of serious discussion. Many, probably the majorityof people, are automatically dismissive of any topic labeled as a“conspiracy theory.” To them it’s easier to believe that the
18
In December of 1984, Jaime Shandera received in the mail a roll of black-and-white film, which when developed produced reproductions of duplicate sets of eight pages of documents later named the MJ/12documents. These documents stated that the “Majestic-12 Committee”was formed in 1947 at the direction of President Truman, after themilitary recovered the remains of a disk shaped UFO that crashed outsideRoswell, New Mexico. The validity of the documents was called intoquestion almost immediately and their authenticity remains in dispute tothis day, despite having been declared authentic by noted UFO researcherStanton Friedman in his book on the subject,
Top Secret/MAJIC 
. One of the recommendations supposedly made to President Truman was that thecommittee continue to only report to the President, implying thatMajestic wanted its assignment extended. Truman most likely adoptedthe recommendations of his esteemed advisory panel. Later, themonitoring and silencing of Abductee/Experiencers (by persuasion and/orintimidation) would have undoubtedly been added to its mission.
 
176improbable happens because of coincidence, or evenincompetence, rather than by design.
19
 Most people are more likely to acknowledge that aportion of our population is being abducted by Space Aliensthan to accept that those same individuals might be spied upon,intimated, harassed and even physically assaulted by their owngovernment. We need to believe in our government and don’tlike to think that it would purposely harm a targeted segment of its own citizens. Even within the UFO community, manypeople are reluctant to believe that our government doesanything more than tap the telephones of Abductee/Experiencers while monitoring ET activity on Earth.This is a difficult paradigm shift for most people, but one that isespecially important for Experiencers to undergo.Our harassment often includes a hypnotically induced“debriefing” by the military after an ET visit. None of this istalked about much at the UFO conventions held around thecountry on an annual basis. The pioneering work of researcherMelinda Leslie, who coined the phrase “military re-abduction,”is a lone cry in the bleak and empty wilderness that passes forthe current state of affairs in UFOlogy. While Majestic’sdebriefings of those in contact with ETs are understandablefrom a National Security standpoint, the psychological warfare
19
Consult page 339 in the Appendix for a list of quotations by famouspeople in history on the subject of conspiracies.
 
177they wage against targeted individuals seems unnecessary andespecially mean-spirited.Our harassment by Majestic needs to be more openlyaddressed within the UFO community. For that to happen,though, Abductee/Experiencers will need to be more openabout their “Close Encounters of the Government Kind.” Onlyby shining the light of day on this issue can we hope to getMajestic to change their methods.
 
178
Surveillance & Monthly Break-Ins
I verified the monthly invasion of my apartment byhumans who seemed to always disturb something, alerting meto the fact that someone had been there. At first I thought thatthey were just sloppy in their work and quipped at a supportgroup meeting that, “You can tell when they’ve been therebecause, being government workers, they always manage tomess up and disturb something.”
20
A man in attendance whoadmitted to being an ex-military “spook” (intelligence agent)spoke up and said, “Oh no! They do that on purpose. Theywant you to know that they’ve been there.”
21
 I was able to establish the regular nature of theseintrusions by routinely putting tape across the door jamb of myapartment whenever I left. I colored the clear plastic tape witha permanent marker, so as to match the dark hardwood of myfront door, and placed it at the bottom where it wouldn’t likelyreceive but a passing glance from someone focused on a keyand a deadbolt lock. Once a month, usually in the middle, I
20
My apologies to all government employees, everywhere.
21
Let me say something about people who confess to having pastconnections with the intelligence community. My step-father (my parentsdivorced and mother remarried) served in the Marine Corp. during WWII and whenever someone would refer to him as an “ex-Marine” he wouldcorrect them saying, “There is no such thing as an ex-Marine. Onceyou’ve gone through the training, you’re always a Marine.” I believe thesame holds true with the various intelligence services. Once trained as aspook, it becomes a lifetime career. They can retire, but they can’t quit.
 
179would arrive home to find that the tape had been pulled awayfrom the door, signifying that someone had entered myapartment while I was away.When I described the government intrusions into myapartment to my hypnotherapist, Mr. Ault, I was aghast whenhe started to tell me how his brother once suspected hislandlord of entering his apartment during his absence andconfirmed it by putting a piece of tape across the door jamb.He suggested that I do the same.I say that I was aghast because I just knew that hisoffice had been bugged by Majestic, probably shortly after Imade the first appointment. Sure enough three days after hemade that suggestion, I came home and discovered that the tapethat I had colored and carefully secured across the door jambbefore I had left that morning was gone.Not only did that prove my hypnotherapy sessions werebeing recorded by Majestic, it also showed I wasn’t beingparanoid, just realistic. The incident confirmed that I had lostany expectations of privacy I might have thought I had, a factthat was later confirmed by my television set. (See “My TV isWatching Me!”)Over the years I’ve found that one of the little thingsMajestic agents like to do when they harassAbductee/Experiencers (and this is probably something evendescribed in their field manual) is to hide things in the target’s
 
180home. I know it sounds childish, but they’ve done this with myfriends Harold and Phoenix, as well. Sometimes I would think to myself that I had just been absent-minded and forgot where Iput something. Other times, I knew an item was missing and,sure enough, I would eventually find it buried underneathsomething I hadn’t moved in years. This happens a lot to myUFO books. Other items have included my belt (I had to go towork that morning without one and buy another during mylunch hour), the remote to the TV (of course), and even $300 incash. You can’t really call them thieves. They don’t takeanything; they just hide it.It takes some getting used to, being spied upon. Theprivacy that most Americans take for granted is routinelyviolated when it comes to Abductee/Experiencers, and ourcases are never reviewed by the FISA Court. Paranoia isusually the first reaction and Majestic works hard to make surethat it is. Discovering that Big Brother is looking directly atyou can be quite unsettling. But over time, you do get used toit.I have to smile, though, at my fellow countrymen whoare shocked to learn that their government has been spying onits citizens, even before 9/11. As they legally lose their civilliberties, one by one, they might do well to ask theirneighborhood Abductee/Experiencer for advice on how to copewith living in a glass house.
 
181
Red Herrings
A favorite trick of Majestic’s is to do little things insuch a way that you think it was the work of the ETs. Before Irealized that I was the target of a government psychologicalwarfare campaign, agents would enter my apartment late atnight while I was asleep to do their mischief. (I believe them tohave some kind of sonic device that emits a frequency thatinduces a deep, coma-like state to insure the target remainsasleep.) I woke up one time to discover that my library of UFObooks had been tampered with. Every other book had beenpushed deeper into the bookcase than the one beside it. Ipuzzled over the meaning of that for a while, thinking that ithad been the work of the ETs.I used to wear a religious symbol around my neck andunder my shirt. Before I went to bed I would carefully lay thependant on my end table. Twice I woke up to find that themedallion had been burned and twisted. After the first time Ireplaced it, but then it happened again. Both times it left mewith serious questions about the ETs.When I became aware of Majestic’s intrusion in my life,I put two and two together. The spooks were trying to makeme believe that the ETs were somehow hostile to my religionand therefore probably “evil” Aliens. I later found out that theopposite is really the case. If anything, the Grays want to foster
 
182feelings of spirituality, because they know that our devotion tomaterialism is killing us and our planet. Dr. John Mack wrotein his book 
Passport 
 
to
 
the
 
Cosmos:
 
 Human
 
Transformation
 
and 
 
 Alien
 
 Encounters
, “The alien abduction phenomenon may,in fact, be thought of as a kind of intervention, sometimesharsh, that may have the purpose of bringing about change inthe ways of humankind. But when it comes to ourresponsibility for the fate of the Earth, the ‘method’ seems to beto bring about psycho-spiritual growth or the expansion of awareness.”
22
 There was another time when Majestic tried to lead meastray, in an attempt to hurt me financially. I was working forthe “Employer from Hell” at a home for six disadvantagedboys. He ran an exceptional program for his kids (and stilldoes), offering them opportunities I couldn’t give my owndaughter, but he was tyrannical with his staff. When I startedwork there I was shown a list a page and a half long, typedsingle-spaced, of the names of all the people who had workedthere in the previous year and quit. It was during the recessionafter 9/11 when jobs were scarce and I needed one desperately.Needless to say, shortly after I was hired I started looking forsomething better. Fortunately, I worked the night shift andcould job hunt during the day.
22
John Mack,
Passport to the Cosmos:
 
 Human
 
Transformation
 
and 
 
 Alien
 
 Encounters
, New York, NY: Crown Publishers, 1999, p. 110.
 
183One morning I got a call from a temporary employmentagency that I had never contacted. They said they downloadedmy resume from Craig’s List, a popular online resource thatmatches employers with applicants, and had a temporary joboffer that they thought would be a good match for me. Itseemed a little strange because I had posted my resume at thatwebsite over a year earlier and my mediocre office skillsweren’t particularly in high demand.As much as I hated my job, I didn’t want to leave itwithout some expectation of getting something better andequally long-term. I asked if it was a “Temp-to-Hire”assignment, meaning that if I performed well could I expect tobe offered a permanent position. I was assured that it was.Although I didn’t have a good feeling about it, I went inanyway and filled out their paperwork and took their tests so Icould see what they had to offer. At the end of it all, they saidthey wanted to send me on a three-month temporary assignmentto one of their clients downtown. Again I asked if it was aTemp-to-Hire. This time they hemmed and hawed, and finallysaid that it would likely turn out that way. It was Fridayafternoon and they wanted me to start that next Monday. (Myemployer had said many times that he could fire without notice,and didn’t expect any himself if anyone wanted to leave hisemploy.) Against my better judgment I said yes to their offer.When I got home, I still had a bad taste in my mouth
 
184about it all. Who picks out a resume online that’s over a yearold to cold-call someone with a temp position that doesn’trequire any special skills? I ran into my next-door neighborwho has many years of experience as a corporate headhunter,and told her the story. She also thought it was odd. She knewnothing of my ET experiences at the time, so hers was aprofessional opinion. I had the strong feeling I was being setup for a fall. If I took the position, I was sure I could impressany illegitimate employer and be hired permanently if apermanent position were available. But this job offer smelledto high heaven. I felt that Majestic was trying to lure me outonto a limb so they could saw it off. I called my contact at theagency and declined their offer.At first he tried to talk me out of it. They had alreadyarranged everything and I just couldn’t back out now, heinsisted. When I said again that I wasn’t going to take the job,he suddenly got very angry. If I didn’t take the assignment theywould never offer me another, he threatened in one last effort toget me to swallow the bait. I told him I understood that and,although I had been civil throughout the conversation, I had tohang up when he started yelling at me.His sudden change in attitude and insistence I take the job was way out of proportion to the importance of the positionthat was offered. And why, I reasoned, would any employmentagency give a damn if someone declined a temporary job offer
 
185during a recession, when employers can cherry pick from anoverabundance of overqualified applicants? No, I was right notto walk into their trap. After the temporary assignment wasover, I would have been unemployed again.I went back to my job and pressed on with my searchfor something better. Fortunately I didn’t have to wait long. Iwas soon offered a good position with a substantial raise insalary and full benefits.I’ve learned to follow my instincts.
 
186
Discovered My Tail
I was enjoying my lunch one day at the lunch counter of one of the better franchise restaurants, when a man with a shorthaircut and patent leather shoes sat down on one of the stoolsnear me. I was reading a book about UFOs at the time andnoticed that he was trying to unobtrusively glimpse the title onthe cover. He seemed to avoid any eye contact with me and Ihad the distinct feeling that he was a government spook, thereto keep tabs on me.I finished my lunch, but before leaving the counter Idecided to do something to test him. I leaned over and put myface as close to his as I could from across the vacant stoolbetween us, and glared at him in an obviously threateningmanner. Any normal person would have reacted negatively,probably saying something like, “What the hell’s your problem,buddy!” But instead he ignored me, keeping his eyes straightahead and a deadpan expression on his face. He took a finalbite of his sandwich, chewed it slowly and deliberately beforeswallowing, and then got up from the counter to pay his check at the cash register. His failure to react in any way to mythreatening demeanor validated my suspicions of him.Further confirmation came months later, when anotherMajestic agent did essentially the same thing . . . to me.
 
187
Outed the Mole
In January of 1995 I started a UFO support group,which at its largest numbered a dozen people or more. Oneman came to every meeting (the only person who did), butnever had anything to contribute beyond his original story of atypical Abduction.At one meeting, we watched a video of a Budd Hopkinspresentation. Everyone in attendance was glued to the screen,except this man, who was looking around the room with anobvious look of boredom on his face. I wrote him a lettertelling him that I suspected that he was a government plant,along with my reasons, and asked that he not attend ourmeetings anymore. If he were innocent I would have expecteda reply of some kind, a letter or phone call telling me that I wasfull of cow manure, but I never heard back from him.
23
 I did run into him a few months later, however, at theannual UFO convention that visits the San Francisco Bay Areaonce a year. I had taken my seat in one of the meeting rooms towait for a seminar to begin on some UFO-related topic. It wasearly and the room was empty except for a small group of people discussing something out of earshot. Among them Irecognized the mole, whom I had earlier asked to leave my
23
Refer to page 338 in the Appendix for a copy of my letter.
 
188support group. I didn’t pay any further attention to them andgot lost in my thoughts after taking a seat.Suddenly, there he was seated behind me. I turnedaround and he did essentially what I had done months earlier atthat lunch counter. He stuck his head out as far as he could inmy direction and grinned from ear to ear in a grotesque tableaufor several seconds, before getting up and walking off.To me that was confirmation that I had been right abouthim all along.
 
189
My TV is Watching Me!
Like many Experiencers, once I understood that I wasunder surveillance by the government, I naturally assumed thatmy phone was tapped. I got conformation of sorts that that wastrue, when the man who installed my DSL internet connectionback in the late 90s was surprised to find that the connections tomy apartment had already been made at the control box in thebasement. “That’s funny, I remember him saying. “The phonecompany isn’t usually that helpful. We’re their competition.”Since then I’ve always assumed that my phoneconversations are recorded and that my apartment is “bugged,”but I never stopped to think that I might also be under visualsurveillance as well. It was my friend Arian who discovered it.She was visiting, and we were sitting on my futon bed/sofawhen she said, “Did you see that? There was a light shining inyour TV set.” I hadn’t been looking in that direction, so Ididn’t see it, but I believed her when she said that she did. Theobvious thought was that there might be a camera inside theTV.I would have taken it to a repair service to have itopened it up to find out for sure, but I was without a job or anyextra money at the time. It was hard to make the rent eachmonth, so as much as I wanted to I couldn’t afford the expense.A few days later, though, I was given confirmation that
 
190something had been in my TV set, by a totally unexpectedsource . . . Majestic itself!You should understand that while I may sweep andvacuum occasionally, I never dust. It’s just not part of mycleaning regimen, so the dust on the back of my old-style“tabletop” television was pretty thick at the time. A week or soafter Arian’s visit, I discovered evidence that it had beenopened up in my absence. On the back side of the set, whichextends out a good foot or so, the dust that had collected formonths had been disturbed over the one set screw located there.Now, there was a definite rectangular “clean” spot over thearea. Majestic had come and retrieved their camera, thinkingthat I would eventually take it out if they didn’t.This was the evidence I needed! I invited my friendsover for a party and excitedly pointed to the “oasis of clean” inthe middle of the thick layer of dust that covered the back of theTV. This was proof, I told them, that Majestic had been thereand opened it up. My friends were duly impressed.A week later, though, I came home to find that someonehad completely dusted my television. It was clean as a whistle.Nothing was left to indicate that the set had ever been tamperedwith. Now, if they would have only cleaned the rest of myapartment!
 
191
The Second Camera
In addition to what might have been a camera in mytelevision, I discovered that I was being watched from outsidemy apartment as well. Most of my time at home is spent at mycomputer, which faces two windows to the outside world. Oneis directly in front of my work area and its shade is neverraised, so as to prevent eye strain when I’m looking at mycomputer screen. The other window shade is left open duringdaylight hours for the nourishment of the house plants placedthere. From my seat, I can see the large whitewashedcommercial building next door.In May of 2008, I looked up from my desk and noticedthat one of the windows of that building looked very strange.The window is made up of twelve small textured panes of glass, with the two in the center being adjustable so as to let inair and direct sunlight on nice days. A plywood board that Ihadn’t noticed before fully covered the window, but it was stillleft open, a puzzlement. A small ceramic collar circled anopening at the top of the board, and the upper right corner washome to a newly created and expanding hornet’s nest. Over thenext three days, the growing nest threatened to obstruct the holein the plywood. On the fourth day, when I returned home fromwork, I saw that it had been “cut back” leaving a clean, straightline where the deed had been done.
 
192I took photographs (see page 351 in the Appendix).When my friend Harold came by a couple of weeks later, Ipointed out to him what appeared to be a “duck blind,” meantto hide a camera pointed in my direction. Three days after hisvisit, the plywood board was gone and soon after that thecommercial space was apparently occupied by new tenants.Why keep the window open when the plywood boardobstructed all twelve planes of glass anyway? Because, Iassert, with the window closed there could be no “line-of-sight”with my chair. The textured glass wouldn’t have allowed aclear view for the camera. The fact that the nest was cut back when the collared hole was in danger of becoming obstructedby hundreds of swarming hornets is, I think, further proof that acamera was hidden behind that plywood.I’ve read that in the world of covert intelligence threedifferent types of electronic surveillance equipment are planted.The first is easily discovered if the person is looking. Thesecond is discoverable if the person has some knowledge as towhere to look and what to look for, but the third will never belocated. Now that I’ve found two of Majestic’s cameras, Iwonder where the third could be. Hmm.
 
193
Blood & Guts in the Shower
What I’m about to relate is an example of the hardcorepsychological warfare that is sometimes waged againstExperiencers. I think in my case it was also an example of the“red herring” type of harassment in which Majestic specializes.A friend of mine was undecided about my involvementwith ETs, even though she had had several experiences of herown that suggested she was also doing things in the middle of the night of which she was unaware. She became very excited,however, about cattle mutilations and how the Grays may beinvolved in that puzzle, after I showed her a video on thesubject.Three days later, I woke up and prepared to take myshower as usual. After I stepped into the tub and pulled thecurtain across its length, I saw that it was smeared on the insidewith what looked like a mixture of blood and small pieces of intestine, perhaps ground up in a blender. I cleaned up andtried to save a sample. All I had was some toilet paper to put iton, though, and after a few days it dried up and disappearedinto the fibers of the tissue. Perhaps if I had had some glassslides, I could have saved something that would have lasted.I think I was prepared earlier by the Grays for theemotional shock of what I was to find in my shower. All thewhile I was up and about my apartment before stepping into the
 
194tub, about an hour or so, I felt altered, as if I had taken a mildpsychedelic drug. When I saw their little “surprise” I wasn’tnearly as shocked as I should have been. I washed the curtaindown using the detachable shower nozzle, but as I watched theblood swirl down the drain I felt somehow emotionallydetached from it all, and to this day there is still a dream qualityassociated with the memory of this event.Majestic was definitely trying to add to my paranoiawith this stunt, and probably hoped that I would blame theGrays because of their association with animal mutilations. If that was their intent, it didn’t work. By that time, even though Iwas agonizing over “the meaning of it all,” I felt that the ETswere concerned about my welfare and I just knew they wouldnever do anything to harm me, either physically orpsychologically. This had very definitely been a psychologicalattack, and I knew instantly who had orchestrated it.
 
195
They Got at Me through My Girlfriend
My girlfriend and I were deeply in love. We metthrough my UFO support group in 1997 and shared awillingness to explore the new reality in which we foundourselves, as well as to brave Majestic’s harassment together. Ihad told her earlier about the incident in the shower andMajestic’s attempt to unhinge me psychologically, but she stillchose to be with me. I felt that at long last I had foundsomeone with whom I could share my fantastic life. For thefirst time, in a long time, I was happy.When I last saw Paula (not her real name) before sheleft my apartment for the last time, we had just renewed ourvow of love to each other, which was so strong to us both that itleft us feeling that we must be “soul mates.” She wasscheduled that Thursday for minor surgery, a walk-inprocedure, and we made plans to be with each other after sherecovered over the weekend. I found out later, though, that shenever did have the surgery, and she disappeared without a trace.I never saw her again.I tried repeatedly to call her after that weekend, but tono avail. It was as if she had dropped off the face of the planet.I checked the hospital ERs in the area, but they had no record of her. After a week, I was in a panic and even suspected that herestranged roommate might have killed her, but repeated Tarot
 
196card readings convinced me that she was alive. What couldhave happened? I was dazed and confused. It made no sense tome.To know a real psychic is to be fortunate indeed. Withall the charlatans out there, you can only trust channeledinformation if it comes from a source known to you personally.I happen to be extremely fortunate in that I know threereal psychics. All are women, with one of them living in aman’s body. I’ve known Arian since the early 1970s and Leilafor nearly as long. I met Harold in 1995 and he has been agood friend to me ever since.Arian and Leila told me essentially the same story,independently of each other. Harold, though, couldn’t reallyget a sense of it at the time. They both said that Paula hadsomehow discovered that after the surgery for which she wasscheduled, “other” doctors were planning to take over theoperation and implant something in her. (I think most likely itwould have been a tracking device of some kind.)
24
Shebecame terrified and ran away.I remembered that earlier she had given me a phonenumber of a friend of hers who lives out of state. I called thefriend, hoping that she might know something. She confirmedthat she was in touch with Paula and would be seeing her soon.
24
Earlier I described what I believe to be a government implant, locatedover my left temple.
 
197She promised to deliver my message to Paula asking her tocontact me. She never did.The incident effectively ended the support group that Ihad started. My heart had been ripped out and I wasdevastated. I never called for another meeting. After that Idropped out of the UFO community altogether . . . until now.
 
 
198
The Missing Pillowcase& the Beautiful Blond
In May of 2006, Arian took me to task for not finishingmy book about my ET experiences. She said that I hadvegetated all that time and that I needed to get back to doingwhat I was born on Earth to accomplish, namely to help otherExperiencers. I admitted that, although I didn’t know what mypurpose in life was, she was right about the state of stagnation Ihad fallen into, and I vowed to end my self-imposed exile fromthe UFO community and to finish my manuscript, which finallybecame the book you’re now reading.Since the conversation took place in my apartment, Iknew Majestic was listening in and, sure enough, only fournights later when I went to bed I discovered their “callingcard.” My pillowcase was missing. When I flung back thecovers, my naked pillow stared up at me – a simple but obviousway to signal that Majestic had been there. They wanted tomake it abundantly clear that they could get back in my faceagain, anytime they chose. This was their first warning. Thesecond came ten days later, after a lot of furious writing in my journal.I always have my lunch at the same eatery, a smallestablishment not too far from where I work that serves a heartychicken chili. There is seating for a couple of dozen people
 
199outside with metal tables and chairs and, weather permitting,that is where I usually choose to sit and read while I eat.On that day I had to take my lunch later than usual, so Ihad the place to myself as I took my seat outside where I couldenjoy the fresh air. There was no one else in sight, as I scootedthe chair back from the table and sat down. I took a bite of mychili and read a couple of pages of the book I had with me,before inserting a marker and putting it down to take another.As I looked up, I saw a beautiful young woman in businessattire, with long flowing blond hair, wearing big dark sunglasses and sitting about thirty feet or so in front of me. Shekept staring in my direction.She wasn’t doing anything else. She didn’t haveanything to eat in front of her. She wasn’t looking through anypapers, like some business people do during lunch. She had noobvious purpose for being there. She was just staring. Withher sunglasses, it was hard to determine if we were making eyecontact, but there was nothing behind me of any interest for herto look at and I was the only one seated there. I returned to mybook and as I continued to eat and read, she continued to stare.When I had finished my lunch and the chapter I wasreading, I started to leave. At the exact same moment that Istood up, she grabbed her purse and started walking briskly inthe opposite direction of where I was headed. After a fewseconds, I turned around to look at her again, just as she turned
 
200around to look at me! (We really did make eye contact then.)She quickly turned away and continued walking. I turned thecorner of the building and waited a few seconds before I peeredback around. She had stopped near one of the tables and wastalking on her cell phone.Now I’m always ready to look at a young, beautifulwoman, but at 59 years of age I didn’t expect any to look at me.No, this wasn’t some missed opportunity in a middle-aged malefantasy. This was Majestic’s way of telling me that I had betterwatch my step.I regret, though, that I didn’t come up from behind herand snatch that phone from her hands. How sweet that wouldhave been! All the numbers stored inside would have beencompromised and would have had to have been changed. Shewouldn’t have called the police because, if she had, she wouldhave had to reveal details in the report about herself, such aswhere she lived and where she worked.But one never thinks to do such things at the time.
 
201
Rape, the Ultimate Harassment
I was reluctant to write about this at first, but I knowpersonally of three other Experiencers to whom this hashappened, and I only know of one other person in UFOlogywho has ever written of her experience with this specializedform of psychological warfare. In the early morning hours of August 22, 2007, I was raped in my apartment in the middle of the night. I must tell you that I have been mercifully sparedany memory of the actual event, but the evidence left behindwas real and convincing. I’ll explain.I had a restless night, like so many nights over so manyyears, and knew that something had happened. I wasn’t tooconcerned, however, and went about my routine, as I got readyto go to work. My anus felt inflamed and hurt a bit, but I didn’thave time to check and thought it was probably myhemorrhoids acting up again. (Sorry to be so graphic, but it’shard not to when discussing the details of a rape.)Work kept me busy and it wasn’t until I got home that Ihad the time to relax enough to attempt a bowel movement.My sphincter was much tighter than usual. After a while I wasable to produce something, but what came out of me was notwhat I expected. The toilet tissue was covered with a clear jelly-like substance. As I sat there looking at the tissue and
 
202feeling how sore my anus was, it suddenly occurred to me whatI was looking at . . . K-Y jelly!At that point, I started to go into a full blown panicattack. My heart started beating faster and my breathquickened, as my head reeled with the thought that I had beenraped. But as quickly as the panic hit me, another force, anoutside force, took over and I suddenly felt extremely altered,perceptually. I felt like I was peaking on acid (yes, I took LSDin my youth) and I couldn’t concentrate on the simplest of thoughts. I struggled to gain control of my mental faculties, butfinally had to give up and go to bed early. The next morning Iwoke up still feeling altered and I knew that trying to go towork was useless, so I didn’t and called in sick instead.The whole day was spent in that altered mental state,and it wasn’t until the next morning that I could even attempt todo anything that required coherent thought. I was able to goback to work and function only because the papers on my desk kept me focused on my tasks; but whenever my mind wouldstray to thoughts of the rape and I would feel myself becomingagitated, I instantly felt myself altered again. A few trips to thebathroom throughout the day were necessary to collect myself and refocus.For about a week or so afterwards, that altered statewould hit me whenever I thought about what had been done tome. The degree of my mental impairment gradually lessened
 
203during those days, as my own sense of panic waned, until I wasable to think about having been violated without too muchemotional upset.I’m convinced that the altered state of consciousness,which would come over me like a heavy blanket that protectedme from my own thoughts, was an intervention by the ETs.They did this for me once before, when Majestic goons paintedthe inside of my shower curtain with blood and guts to try andunhinge me emotionally. I remember when I woke up thatmorning I was also in an altered state, but it wasn’t so strong asto limit my ability to function. I was up for an hour or morebefore I stepped into the shower and was altered all that time.When I pulled the curtain shut and first saw the grisly sight, Iremember feeling detached and separated from what my bodywas doing, as my hands took the detachable showerhead fromits mounting on the wall and washed it down. I felt likesomeone watching a movie, without any emotion, as I stared atthe blood swirling down the drain.In a way, their interceding in the same manner as theydid before helped to confirm my suspicions. They responded tomy distress, and did so very quickly, because they werewaiting. They knew I would “freak out” when I discoveredwhat had happened and they were there, ready to respond, whenI did.But why did Majestic rape me? I’m almost embarrassed
 
204to answer that question. I was raped because I just about askedfor it. Another example of, “Watch what you say when youknow you’re being bugged.” Let me explain.A few weeks earlier my close friend, Harold, had beenraped by Majestic. He was living with me at the time. Ioffered him and his partner, Phoenix, my floor to sleep onwhile they looked for a new apartment, after they lost the onethey had had for years and suddenly found themselveshomeless in the big city (long story). As I said earlier I knowHarold to be a real psychic, his having proven that fact to meon several occasions. During those few months when we livedtogether, the two of us would sit up at late at night and use hisnatural ability to “remote view” to snoop into areas that greatlyupset our government watchdogs at the time.Harold remembers waking up, but not being able tomove or open his eyes. (Although Phoenix and I were asleepnearby, we were unconscious.) He says he heard sounds in theroom and smelled someone’s perfume or aftershave lotion. Hefelt the rape happen, with all the physical sensations, and thenquickly lost consciousness afterwards. They didn’t use any K-Y jelly with him, though, and his anus bled the next morning.Harold is gay and says that he always bleeds from the rectumwhenever he has “rough sex.”I was incensed when he told me, and said something tothe effect that if they ever did that to me, I would declare war
 
205and get back at them any way I could. Empty words, of course,and after I said them, I wished I hadn’t. I remember I had anuneasy feeling that I might have set something in motion that Iwould later regret. Evidently I did.In addition to Harold, I personally know two womenExperiencers who were apparently raped in the night whilesleeping in their beds. One was able to handle it fairly well andnot draw attention to herself, but the other was forciblyhospitalized after she became upset and started acting paranoid.If you say that you were raped in the park, that’s one thing, butto say that you were raped at home, with the doors andwindows locked, and that you couldn’t move or see who it was,is quite another matter. In the first scenario you might get thehelp you need, but in the latter all you’ll get is a one-way ticketto the locked mental ward of your local county hospital.Author and UFO Experiencer Leah A. Haley describesexperiencing memory flashes of being raped by a Reptilian inher book,
Unlocking
 
 Alien
 
Closets:
 
 Abductions,
 
 Mind 
 
Control,
 
and 
 
Spirituality
.
25
She’s uncertain as to whether or not it wasan actual event or a vivid dream, but later said that it mighthave been a screen memory created for her to disguise a realrape by human intruders. When she later researched the subjectof rape in the context of psychological warfare, Ms. Haley
25
Leah A. Haley,
Unlocking Alien Closets: Abductions, Mind Control, and Spirituality
, Murfreesboro, TN: Greenleaf Publications, 2003.
 
206learned that it’s used as a mind-control technique within theintelligence community to make the victim feel helpless and todestroy the will to resist.In my case I was mercifully spared any memory of theevent, so Majestic failed to get a response from me and I amnot intimated. But I’m also very humbled when I think of howI was helped by my E.T friends. I honestly don’t know if Icould withstand these assaults from Majestic, if it wasn’t fortheir assistance.
 
207
Mother
 
208
A Difficult Relationship
I was watching an episode of a TV documentary seriesthe other day called
 Mysteries of the Bible
. This one was aboutthe Ten Commandments. It offered the opinion of a biblicalscholar, who said that the commandment about honoring yourmother and father was the hardest to follow.It does seem to run counter to way nature handles the“empty nest” syndrome. After a young bird flies from the nest,it doesn’t telephone its parents or come home to visit onholidays. When the young are weaned, the parents becomeexpendable, and sometimes even before then. With certainspecies of spiders, for example, the father is consumed as ameal by the expectant mother in order to sustain the growinglarvae.According to Sigmund Freud, all men should want tokill their father and possess their mother, which really doesn’tsound like a way to honor one’s parents. The “OedipusComplex” is nature’s way of helping human children becomeseparate, fully functioning adults.
26
 But ever since Moses came down off that mountain,we’ve been prohibited from getting rid of our old people whentheir usefulness has ended. We’re stuck with our parents,
26
Freud named it after
Oedipus Rex
, a Greek tragedy by Sophocles. In theplay, Oedipus, the king of Thebes, discovers that he unknowingly killedhis father and then wed and bedded his mother.
 
209whether we like them or not. We have to make a place forthem at our table and empty their bedpans when they grow old,even if they made mistakes when they were young and chargedwith raising us.When I think of two of the earliest memories I have of my late mother, I do so with mixed emotions. The first is of usat home together, while my father was out of the house duringthe day. I was two or three years old at the time, and mymother was also my friend. She enjoyed playing with me andletting me “help” her in the kitchen. Her love and playfulnesswere in sharp contrast to my father’s authoritarian demeanor.Whenever he was soon expected home, Mother wouldbegin to tense and I quickly learned to follow her lead. Father(he preferred to be called “Father” instead of “Dad”) was a coldfish who ruled his home as a stern aristocrat, which in fact hewas. We both walked on eggshells when he was at home,afraid of the anger that he would unleash whenever he wasdispleased. (I see now that to do this with any justice, I’ll haveto write about Father as well.)My second earliest memory of Mother is from perhaps ayear later. Father felt that I was old enough at that time toreceive corporal punishment for my childhood transgressionsand I was introduced to “my little leather friend,” whose job itwas to teach me right from wrong. My leather friend was hisleather belt, which he pulled off his waist with a sharp tug that
 
210produced a sound much like the snap of a bullwhip. He neverhit me more than three or four times with it, and probably notas hard as I remember, but it always terrified me and I seemedto need a “lesson” two or three times a week. My memory is of seeing Mother standing in the doorway while I was bent overreceiving Father’s “instruction.” I remember hoping she woulddo something to stop him, but the look of utter helplessness onher face told me that I couldn’t count on her for protection. Ifelt utterly alone in the world that day.It is not my intent here to dishonor the dead by going onabout emotional injuries suffered from my parents. Instead, Iwish to share with the reader how I was able to heal the pastwith what I’ve learned from my UFO contact experiences.As we age and meet the challenges we all face in life,we tend to develop a natural empathy with our parents. Theuniversal “human” experiences we undergo include settlingdown with a mate and all the opportunities for growth thatengenders, raising a child (that time in life when you suddenlyrealize what your parents had to cope with), middle age and thecrisis that can result, as well as one’s personal reckoning withmortality that certainly comes in old age, if it hasn’t before. Aswe grow older, we become more and more like our parents.People who can’t forgive their parents ultimately can’t forgivethemselves for being like them.As Abductee/Experiencers we share something else
 
211with our parents, something unique and apart from most of mankind – our contacts with ETs. Even if our mothers andfathers were unaware of their double life, we know. Weunderstand what they went through and we can use ourunderstanding to heal the past.Mother had an uneasy childhood, being raised by a verystern paternal grandmother during the Great Depression, whenHappy was living in a tent by the Missouri River and couldhardly take care of herself, much less her daughter. As a scaredlittle girl, Mother felt that she had been abandoned when Happygave up custody of her, and she was as helpless against atyrannical adult (her grandmother) as I was whenever I had toface my “leather friend.” To console herself, Mother once toldme that as a little girl she would go down into the basement atnight, when everyone was asleep, and play with her “littleimaginary friends.”I don’t believe those little friends of hers were really soimaginary. I have no doubt that Mother was also anAbductee/Experiencer, but just didn’t know it. It’s been shownthat UFO Abductions are by and large generational. If you’reinvolved, then it’s highly likely that your parents were as well.Even if the contacted are unaware of them, the effects of thosecontacts are still felt. Cycles of depression and compulsivenessmay be unexplainable, but they’re still very real nonetheless.The people who suffer from them sometimes react poorly to the
 
212pressures they feel, but don’t understand. With ourunderstanding of the unconscious interactions our parents hadwith ETs throughout their lives, we can afford to be charitableand forgiving of their mistakes.It’s worth the effort. It can be a liberating experience.
 
213
And Then There Was Father, Too
My father was born in Berlin Germany in 1918. Hisfather received word on that day that his oldest son was one of the last casualties of what later became known as World War I.My grandfather gained and lost a son on the same day. I can’timagine how that felt.The family was extremely wealthy and Father knewnothing of money, except that he could write a check wheneverhe wanted any. He partied all over Europe with the sons of itsambassadors and aristocracy, enjoying the life of a wealthyplayboy. (Somewhere I have an old photograph of Father whenhe was eighteen years old, standing beside his Rolls Royce.)One day on campus, he was told of the plight of astraight-A senior student who was having to drop out of schoolbecause his father had died, and he had go to work to supportthe family. Father arranged to meet the man and gave him acheck, large enough to pay for his studies and to sustain hisfamily while he remained in school until graduation. Fathertold the man that he could pay him back after he hadestablished himself in business afterwards. Needless to say, thestudent was very grateful, but to Father it meant little. He haddone his “mitzvah” for the day and he soon forgot the matter.
27
 A few years later, when the Nazi hold on Germany
27
Mitzvah is Yiddish for “good deed.”
 
214became complete, the family business was considered essentialto the country’s economy and was allowed to continue, eventhough it was owned by Jews. Its operation occasionallynecessitated travel outside the country by a family member, soFather’s older half-brother Hugo was periodically allowed totravel to Switzerland on business. The rest of the family wasleft behind in Germany as hostages to insure his return. Oneday, on one such trip, he took his fiancée with him. Theydidn’t come back.After that everything quickly fell apart. As it turnedout, Hugo had been smuggling the family fortune out of thecountry little by little with every trip. My grandmother was puton a cattle car to some unknown death camp. (Grandfather haddied some months earlier from cancer.) Father was picked upand taken to a small SS prison just outside Berlin. There in hiscell, he could hear the screams of men who were being torturedto death and he knew he wouldn’t last the night.As Father was trying to come to terms with his ownimminent death, the Commandant of the prison arrived. He hadwith him another Jewish prisoner and, when he read Father’sname on the roster of new arrivals, he had Father brought to hisoffice. The room was ordered cleared except for the three of them, the Commandant and his two confused and haplessprisoners. When they were alone, the Commandant orderedFather and the other man to exchange their clothes and shoes.
 
215When they had done so, he pulled his Luger from its holsterand shot the other prisoner point blank in the face. He thentook his boot and ground that face into “unrecognizable goo”before Father’s horrified eyes. The Commandant then took Father and drove him to the train station. There he heard theSS officer speak directly to him for the first time. “Get out of Germany,” he said and then he drove off, leaving my fatherstanding there on the platform badly shaken. It was only at thatmoment that Father recognized the Commandant as being thestudent to whom he had given that money years before.But getting out of Germany wasn’t going to be easy.Father didn’t even have his passport. He had been allowed tokeep one so that he could act in business on behalf of thefamily, should Hugo ever fall ill and be unable to travel. Theproblem was that it was at his apartment in Berlin, and hecouldn’t be seen going back after being arrested there by theSS. (People didn’t come back after being arrested by the SS.)With a phone call from a public phone, Father persuaded afriend to pick up the passport and bring it to him.But that was the easy part. How was he to use it? Hisfamily name was known, especially to the police and to theGestapo, and he was supposed to have been arrested. At theairport he would certainly be asked to present his passport andit would all be over at that point.Desperate situations can produce imaginative and
 
216daring results. Father had made the acquaintance of someoneyears earlier who had, he heard later, joined the Nazi party andbeen promoted to a high military rank. Father had heard of where he worked and managed to get him on the phone. Hethen explained his desperate situation and threatened to liethrough his teeth and implicate the Nazi officer in subversiveactivities, like helping Jews escape Germany, if he didn’t reallyhelp this Jew to fly out of Germany that night. The Nazi officershowed up at the airport and escorted Father onto an airplanebound for neutral Switzerland.A few hours later, he was in Zurich. From there Fathermade it to Cuba and then to the United States, where heeventually joined the Army. Because of his Germanbackground he was recruited into the OSS (Office of StrategicServices), America’s World War II military intelligenceagency.Father was a tremendously complex person. He wasborn into a world that had ceased to exist by the time I wasborn, an era when the aristocracy of Europe still held sway andtheir children were raised by wet nurses and nannies. When hetold my mother that he shouldn’t have to spend time with meuntil I was “old enough to hold a decent conversation,” he wasprobably echoing what he had heard his father say. Childrenwere “seen and not heard,” and they certainly did not call theirfathers “Dad.” Global war had changed everything and he
 
217suddenly found himself transplanted from aristocratic Germanyto democratic America, where people slapped you on the back and put a can of watered-down beer in your hand to show theirhospitality. He was a fish out of water and never reallyadjusted.The hours Father spent alone in that SS prison cell,listening to the screams of the tortured and dying, undoubtedlyhelped to define his life from that point forward. It couldn’thelp but have. Other people might have reacted differently toFather’s experiences. For him, though, the brutality of theNazis was proof that one had to be hard to survive in this newworld. It was a lesson that he tried to impart to me. As a five-year-old little boy, I couldn’t understand why Father wouldn’thelp me when I was being picked on by a bully twice my ageand size, telling me instead, “You have to fight him!” Now Ido understand, and understanding is the first step to healing thepast.We didn’t know about post-traumatic stress back then.Father’s uncontrollable temper, which would well up insidehim whenever things didn’t go his way, was a product of emotional pressures he didn’t understand, even though he feltthem keenly. Not only did he have to cope with the emotionalscars of being a Holocaust survivor, he also suffered from thepressures that build up when mere humans are confronted with
 
218something unknown (if even only on a subconscious level) andimmensely more powerful than themselves.I’ll close my biography of Father with this little story.Toward the end of his life, Father’s mental faculties werewaning. I was putting him to bed at the end of one of my lastvisits with him, when he asked me to go to the closet and look inside. I complied with his request and asked what I waslooking for.“Do you see a door?” he asked.“I see the door of the closet,” I said.“No! Do you see a door inside the closet?”“No, I don’t see a door inside the closet.”“Look again. There has to be something,” he insisted.“No Dad, I don’t see anything.” (By this time I calledhim “Dad.”)“Well, they have to come from somewhere,” he said,perplexed.“Who, Dad? Who has to come from somewhere?”“The little doctors,” he said after a pause. Theexpression on his face when I turned around to look at him toldme he knew that what he had said didn’t make any sense.I reassured him, though, that I knew all about the “littledoctors,” and with that he relaxed and changed the subject.
 
219
PART II:AS I SEE IT
 
220What came before was fact. Everything happened asdescribed. What follows are my opinions on a variety of UFO-related subjects, organized and cataloged for your review.Chuck Weiss“It is not best that we should all think alike.It is difference of opinion that makes for horse races.”Mark Twain
 
221
Thoughts
from the
Trenches
 
222
Why Me?
There is an obvious question that everyAbductee/Experiencer asks. When I first asked the question, itwas because I was in awe to think that somehow I had attractedthe attention of real-life Space Aliens. I naturally asked, “Whyme?”Some of my friends said that it was because I hadagreed to be contacted before I was even born on Earth. Thatsounded too weird for me at the time, but because they were myfriends, I simply deferred judgment on their explanation. Andat any rate, that didn’t really answer the question. Later Ilearned that Abductions are generational and that my familyline has probably been monitored since the dawn of time.Okay, but again, why? (Sometimes, I feel like a two-year-old,asking that question over and over.)It’s been made plain to me that for some reason, I’mbeing given “special treatment” by the Grays; and I’m verygrateful for their interventions. I know that I’m cooperatingwith them, and to some people that makes me a fifth-columnsubversive, under the mind control of Space Aliens and a traitorto my species.Later I discovered that Aliens weren’t my only visitorsin the night and that I had government intruders as well. Here,I thought I knew the answer to “Why me?” It’s Majestic’s job
 
223to keep tabs on the people who are in contact with ETs, Ireasoned. That was understandable enough. But when thingsescalated from electronic monitoring and surveillance toharassment and psychological warfare, I suddenly didn’t have aready answer to that question.Why am I of so much concern to Majestic? Althoughthere are some Experiencers who are harassed as often and assavagely as I (and some others, I’m told, even more so) mostAbductee/Experiencers are only spied upon by theirgovernment, not attacked. So again I ask, “Why me?”I used to think that it was because of my activism withinthe UFO community, and the fact that I had outed a mole in thesupport group I facilitated. When I quit UFOlogy for thosenine years, the level of my harassment abated and I was able toforget at times that I was under constant scrutiny by humaneyes. It became “in your face” again when I decided to resumework on this book, and it’s been that way ever since. I guessthat’s part of the answer. They must consider me to be botharticulate and credible enough to be a threat. I certainly hopeso.UFO researcher Melinda Leslie, who specializes inAbduction cases where there is also evidence of what she calls“military re-abductions,” believes the government is conductingdebriefing sessions with Experiencers, often subsequent to theirET visits, in an attempt to gather information on anything
 
224Alien. She says that because the ET presence on Earth isconsidered to be the biggest national security issue there is, it’squite understandable that the government does whatever itthinks necessary to keep tabs on what the Aliens are doing andthe information they’re giving to selected people.Fair enough, and that would explain those times I wasdrugged in the middle of the night, but there must be somethingelse going on with me personally. Why resort to extrememeasures in my case? Why the blood and guts on my showercurtain? Why scare my girlfriend so badly that she fled thestate without telling me, or even her own family? Why rapeme? Why am I the focus of these attacks by Majestic? Could itbe that what makes me so special to the ETs is the same reasonMajestic has singled me out for harsh treatment?Why? Why? Why? It seems like everyone knows theanswer to that question, except me.
 
225
What Do We Call Ourselves?
Interesting, the way we use various words to describethe degrees of our acceptance (or not) of the unusual nighttimeexperiences we undergo. Abductee, Contactee, or Experiencer,these are the ways we refer to ourselves. Each describes ourreaction to the High Strangeness that suddenly enveloped us.The first, “Abductee,” is by the very definition of itsroot word negative in connotation. It implies being a victim.When I first became aware that something was happening to mewhile I was supposedly still asleep in my bed, my “nightterrors” began. Rapid heartbeat, projectile vomiting (evenwhile still asleep) and the inability to sleep through the nightwere hard to take, but I didn’t think of myself as a victim. Itwas only my body that was reacting fearfully. I even wrote apoem about it.
28
 Then I remembered the screams of my daughter as sheunderwent her first series of Abductions (and to her they werecertainly Abductions). Then I did feel like a victim. Myparental instincts kicked in and I was filled with rage. If I couldhave gotten my hands around one of their scrawny little necks, Iwould have gladly strangled myself a gray. While others mightstart out an Abductee and then evolve into a Contactee once
28
 
Confronting the Boogie Man,
page 36.
 
226they begin to reach out to comprehend what they’re involvedin, I did it the other way around.But that didn’t last long. The righteousness of my angerwas quickly deflated when I heard of the atrocities that wehumans were inflicting on ourselves at the time in Rwanda. If we could do such horrible things to our own species, even toour women and children, then who was I to say that other, moreadvanced beings didn’t have the right to do whatever they weredoing to us? I didn’t know what they were doing, or why theyselected my daughter and me as people to do it to. There wasnothing that I was able to do about the impossible situation inwhich I found myself, so I decided to take a “wait and see”attitude, while I further investigated the rabbit hole into which Ihad fallen. At that point, nothing had actually changed exceptthat now I was much more cautious of the ETs than I had beenbefore.As long as a person continues to be fearful of thesituation, the ETs will continue to be indifferent as they goabout their business of collecting tissue samples and performingtheir various medical procedures. If, however, one is willing totry to work beyond their fear to better understand theconsciousness lurking behind the mystery that lies inside thisenigma called “Alien Abduction,” then the ETs will begin totake a personal interest in their subject. As the Abducteereaches out to try and understand what’s happening, the ETs
 
227will begin to reveal more of themselves. Once the fear is undercontrol – it being the one real obstacle to interspeciescommunication and understanding – our real work with them(whatever that might be) can begin.In conversations with a rabbi friend of mine, he pointedout that when the rat figures out the maze he’s in, he gets thepersonal attention of the research scientist. At first I hadnothing to say to that, but as I progressed in my relationshipwith the ETs, I came to understand that, although there is theimpersonal medical aspect of it all, my contacts with Aliens hadthe potential to evolve into something much greater andpersonally enriching. I’ve felt genuine love and concern frombehind those big black eyes. Professionalism doesn’t have tobe impersonal, although it often is. It is possible to be onfriendly terms with the doctor who tells you to bend over andcough.Once your natural fear of the unknown is brought undercontrol, your life becomes very different indeed, as you’re hitwith even more strangeness than before and at a much fasterpace. At this point you’ve morphed into an “Experiencer.”Just sit back and enjoy the ride. Pay attention, though, becauseits school time and you will be tested.Besides these three standard ways to describe one’srelationship with the ETs (Abductee, Contactee andExperiencer) I believe there is a fourth that I call “Initiate.” If I
 
228quietly contemplate my feelings about it all, I realize I amdoing so much more with the ETs than just cooperating. I’mworking very closely with them and I feel I’ve been allowed onthe inside of something big. What I’m doing and what I’vebeen initiated into I do not know, at least consciously, but I’mconvinced that, whatever it is, it’s very important and necessaryfor all concerned.Although I don’t know what my role is in all of this, Ido know of two other “Initiates” who have been trained to pilotspacecraft. One is my friend Harold and the other is hislifelong friend, Damien, and they’ve always been verysimpatico with each other. When they’re together they willsometimes face one other and fall into a trance of sorts, wherethey “see” in front of them a bank of large buttons with varioussymbols (triangles, squares, crescent moons, starbursts, etc) andbegin pressing them (in thin air) in the different sequences thatthey’ve been carefully taught. They tell me that by pressing thebuttons in various sequences they can pilot the craft to differentdestinations. The interesting thing is that the two of them mustcooperate and synchronize their movements with each other forthe ship to go anywhere.Abductee, Contactee, Experiencer, or Initiate, it’spossible to be all four at one time or another. In fact eachnormally evolves from the previous, if you open yourself upenough to let it happen.
 
229Again, here are what I believe to be the four differentrelationships that are possible for us to have with the ETs.
1.
 
Abductee
(a state of fear)2.
 
Contactee
(a “wait and see” attitude)3.
 
Experiencer
(willing cooperation and lots of HighStrangeness)4.
 
Initiate
(receiving specific training)
If you’re one of the estimated seven million or more (inthe United States alone) who is personally involved in thisfantastic adventure, then I ask which one are you, dear reader?
 
230
Who’s Who, an Alien Program Guide
UFOlogy has generally accepted 70 as the approximatenumber of species visiting Earth either from other planetswithin our galaxy or from other dimensions. This specificnumber can be traced back to Betty Andreasson-Luca, anExperiencer whose contacts with IDs are perhaps the mostthoroughly documented. In comparison to that number only ahandful are well known to the general public.Here is a list of the different ETs and/or IDs of whom Iam aware. I have not made this list a major focus of mine,though. Except for the first three listed, which are the ETs mostoften encountered in North America, I won’t have anythingmore to add. Of course, one can always do a Google search tofind out more. (For best results, include “UFO” as part of yoursearch criteria. For example, Voronezh is a town in Russia, sosearching on that word alone will bring up only touristinformation.)1.
 
The “Grays” (both short and tall varieties)2.
 
The “Nordics” or “Blonds” (the “beautiful people,”very human looking)3.
 
The “Reptilians” (tall lizard-like beings with scalesand red eyes)4.
 
The “Tall Praying Mantises” (seven feet or taller)5.
 
The “Tall Albinos” (described in
 Alien Agenda: Investigating the Extraterrestrial Presence AmongUs
by Jim Marrs)
 
2316.
 
The “Nommo” (described in
The
 
Sirius
 
 Mystery
byK. G. Temple. Three-eyed, amphibious beings fromthe Sirius star system, who are celebrated by theDogon Tribe of Mali, West Africa)7.
 
The “Dropa” (the name given to an alleged race of dwarf-like ETs who landed near the China-Tibetborder approximately 10,000 BC)8.
 
The “Blues” (“passionate,” spiritual beings withtranslucent skin, described by Robert Morningsky, afull-blooded Apache/Hopi Indian Experiencer)9.
 
The “Hopkinsville Goblins” (silvery-lookingcreatures, about three feet tall)10.
 
The “Blue Dwarfs” (described in
Communion: ATrue Story
by Whitley Strieber)11.
 
The “Pascagoula Creatures” (encountered byCharlie Hickson & Calvin Parker. These beingspiloted an oblong aircraft, not a circular disk.)12.
 
The “Braxton County Monster” (a 1952 sighting inWest Virginia, also known as the “FlatwoodsMonster”)13.
 
“Mothman” (the name given to a strange creaturereported in the Chrleston and Point Pleasant areas of West Virginia between November 1966 andDecember 1967. Described as a winged man-sizedcreature with large reflective red eyes and largemoth-like wings, it often appeared to have no head,with its eyes set into its chest.)14.
 
The three-eyed “Voronezh Beings” (sighted byseveral children close up and by adults at a distance.They were reported to be nine to ten feet tall.)
 
232
The Grays
 
The short beings with big heads and big black eyes arecommonly called “The Grays.” When I refer to the small graysI use a small “g” to differentiate them from the taller varietythat is often seen later acting in a supervisory capacity. Thesmall grays are between 3 and 3½ feet in height and are the ETsthat most North American Abductee/Experiencers are likely toremember. That’s probably because these little guys are theones who come and roust you out of bed to deliver you towherever you’re supposed to go and, when they’re done, returnyou to your cozy nest at home. These are the two parts of thevisit that people are most likely to remember, if they rememberanything at all.They have been known to sometimes deviate fromstandard procedures and, instead of putting people back wherethey had picked them up, usually their bed, theAbductee/Experiencer might wake up in some other room oreven outside the house. (A friend of mine told me that she wentto bed one night and woke up sitting on the commode in herbathroom!) One researcher quipped that in those cases, thelittle guys must have just been trying to save themselves somework and chose to cut corners by just dropping off their charge“at the corner,” so to speak. I tend to think, though, that inthose cases it was probably done intentionally and according toplan, in order to help facilitate the Awakening process. If you
 
233wake up outside your bedroom, it’s a little hard to ignore thatsomething is happening. I also think that a lot of reported casesof “sleep walking” are misdiagnosed ET contact experiences.These little guys are sometimes described as robot-likebecause they’re often observed moving in unison, like somewell-rehearsed chorus line. I think this is a dangerousassumption. One wouldn’t normally assume that birds arerobots, just because they are often seen in large groups turningtogether, instantaneously, in mid-flight. Instead, I think thegrays might be clones created to perform specific tasks (like theAlphas, Betas, and Deltas of Aldous Huxley’s
 Brave
 
 New
 
World 
), and linked to a hive-like mind that communicatesinstantly, through telepathy, with all those connected. Theyhave also been described as showing an almost childlikeinterest in things, which doesn’t sound to me like the behaviorof a robot. A variety of the small gray Alien is well versed inhuman anatomy, and they are the beings who perform thestandard medical examinations and collect genetic material –the “little doctors.”A taller variety is often seen supervising the smallergrays. They’re usually five feet or taller and are recognizableas individuals, as many people report interacting with the sametall Gray throughout their lives. Many are described as female,while others (like mine) are male. I think Experiencers areassigned the gender that they personally associate with
 
234authority. If the person responds best on a gut level to directionfrom a woman, then the Gray will be female, and if from a man,then male. There seems to be some disagreement as to whetherthey have three fingers or four.I was told by my psychic friend, Harold, that mysupervising Gray has my genetic material, that he is in fact myson. I would speculate, though, that he has more than thecustomary single set of parents, probably being given DNAfrom several different sources. It would make sense, though,for the hybrid to supervise the parent. It keeps it in the family.A variety of the tall Gray appears to be the species whopicked up Betty and Barney Hill in 1961. That experienceresulted in the best-selling book 
The
 
 Interrupted 
 
 Journey,
byJohn G. Fuller, which was later filmed as an excellent made-for-TV movie,
The UFO Incident 
, starring James Earl Jones –the voice of Darth Vader – and Estelle Parsons.When brought aboard a saucer-like craft, Betty askedmany questions of one particular Being who appeared to be thecaptain, including, “Where are you from?” Apparentlyknowing that without a reference point Betty wouldn’tunderstand how to interpret what he would show her, thecaptain produced a holographic three-dimensional “star-map”that, he said, showed his home world with those planets nearbywith which they traded. Betty was later able to reproduce themap under hypnosis and drew lines indicating the trade routes.
 
235The map became a curiosity in UFOlogy, but again without areference point that’s all it was.Years later, however, and after advances in astronomyadded many stars to our map of the known galaxy, researcherMarjorie Fish was able to reproduce the configuration of BettyHill’s star chart and identify the systems shown.
29
This varietyof Gray is evidently from Zeta Reticuli, a pair of very real stars(Zeta 1 and Zeta 2) with variations in their movements thatsuggest planets in orbits around them.The Grays/grays are the only Alien species that I recallinteracting with, either consciously or with the aid of hypnosis.Many, if not the majority, of my visits with them are done onthe Astral Plane (out-of-body), which implies that they are IDsinstead of ETs. I also saw one “materialize” out of thin air.Whether they are material beings, like ourselves, whouse a
Star Trek 
-like transporter to dematerialize in one placeand rematerialize somewhere else, or are Ethereal Beings whomust use material technology to function in a material universe,they appear to us at different times to be from both realms.The ambiguity we are faced with, when considering thevery existence of Interdimensionals in our reality, is reflected inQuantum Theory, where the subatomic building blocks of matter are seen as both something of substance (a particle) and,
29
Terrence Dickinson,
Th
e
 Zeta
 
 Reticuli
 
 Incident 
, Milwaukee, WI:AstroMedia Corp., 1976.
 
236at the same time, as something unsubstantial (a wave). TheGrays can evidently choose in which of these two states of reality to move and function.I believe there to be more variations of these beings thancan be distinguished by stature (tall or short), or by the numberof fingers on their hands. Their knowledge of genetics isawesome, and I suspect that the Grays have seeded their DNAthroughout the galaxy, creating hybrids wherever they go. Infact I believe that the human race is one of their hybridcreations, a view shared by many in the UFO community.
The Nordics
 
These are very human-looking people with blond hairand Hollywood-perfect body shapes. The men are muscularand the women well endowed. Travis Walton saw this type of ET while onboard the saucer that had taken him, after he waszapped with an energy beam that left him unconscious for aperiod of time. He appeared at a UFO convention that Iattended with his friend Mike Rogers, who witnessed thezapping along with three other men, before they panicked andleft in a big hurry. After they gathered their wits they returnedto the area, but by that time both the craft and their friendTravis were gone.Rogers is a respectable artist and presented slides of hisartwork that depict what Walton described seeing on board thesaucer. One painting was of two Nordics, a man and a woman,
 
237whom Walton encountered shortly before he was returned andleft beside the highway (fully clothed, Walton made a point of saying).
30
I asked him if these beings really looked as“Hollywood perfect” as in Mr. Rogers’ painting. He confirmedthat the man had an excellent physique and that the woman wasquite shapely.Descriptions of the Nordics by others who haveencountered them are quite similar. To me their “perfect” bodyforms suggest cloning, in order to produce the same perfectresult each time. As we know, standard mating and birthingprocedures produce different-looking results. Your kids don’tlook like the neighbor’s kids. Even within the same familyunit, children will have different body types. Such smalldifferences might be difficult for us to discern when looking atan Alien who looks very different from us, but the Nordics look very human indeed with no apparent imperfections. As anaside, I want to say that they also remind me uncomfortably of Hitler’s concept of the Aryan Supermen, blond and blue-eyed“perfect” specimens of the human form.
30
The movie
Fire In the Sky
was loosely based upon Walton’s book,
The
 
Walton
 
 Experience
. According to Walton, everything depicted in themovie was essentially true, except what was shown on board the flyingcraft that abducted him. All of those horrific scenes were totally made upand something he regrets, even though he had no creative control once hegave up the movie rights to his book. He was also fully clothed, and notnaked as depicted in the movie, when he was left beside the highway fivedays after his Abduction.
 
238
The Reptilians
These are not very polite people. You might call themthe Klingons of the galaxy. My sense is that they aren’t evil perse – unlike the Borg (to keep the
Star Trek 
analogy going) – inthat one might successfully negotiate with them.Their rough handling is apparently used sometimes to“crack the shell,” so to speak, of particularly hardnosedAbductees, during their Awakening process. Dr. Mack saw itthis way: “Even the form in which the beings themselvesappear may have symbolic meaning for the abductees, possiblyreflecting some currently relevant element of consciousness.Reptilian forms, for example, could be linked with aggressiveelements, luminous beings with “higher” levels of consciousness or Self, and so on.”
31
I suspect that once theAwakening is well underway, though, they drop into thebackground, unless perhaps a personal relationship wasdeveloped between the Awakened and the Reptilian. I haveread of it happening.I might have had contact with a Reptilian. I’m not sure.Whatever visited me that one time, when I was too fearful of what I might see that I didn’t turn over in my bed to look,sounded like it had claws when it walked across my hardwoodfloor. I remember that the reason I was so apprehensive was
31
Mack, p. 154.
 
239that I was sure that whatever it was, it wasn’t a gray. I wouldhave looked, had I thought it was a gray.Let me close this chapter by saying something aboutthose who would name specific ETs as being “bad Aliens” withonly evil intent towards mankind. What I’ve read of thisparanoid kind of thing is not well reasoned (to say the least); itis, at best, representative of a fearful point of view, and atworst, an example of professional disinformation and deliberatefear mongering. No less a personage than Dr. Wernher vonBraun, the man in charge of our space program up to andincluding Armstrong’s walk on the moon, was quoted as sayingthat of the many species of ETs visiting Earth, “None of themare hostile.” (More on that later.)
 
240
Three Period Pieces
The following essays were written in 1995 and reflectmy feelings at the time. I wrote them to share with otherAbductee/Experiencers. Although over a decade has passedsince anyone has read these pieces, I think they still havesomething to say to those who walk down this uncertain path.The first, “Of Rats and Men,” pays homage to the pet Ihad during my Awakening process in 1994, and his unceasingdesire to understand the greater reality that lay just beyond hisgrasp.The second, “To Laugh, or To Cry,” expresses what Ithink many of us feel when we’re made the brunt of jokes andgenerally derided as lunatics. That’s probably why so manypeople in the UFO community want some kind of officialdisclosure, so that they’ll be validated as not being crazy.The last, “I Led Three Lives,” likens our new“adventurous” life to that of Herbert Philbrick, an averagemiddle-class husband and father of the 1950s who was also asecret member of the Communist Party, and a real-life doubleagent for the FBI.
Of Rats and Men
I used to have a pet rat. It was my sole companion inJanuary of 1994, when my world began to turn upside down. Ihad named him Nicodemus, after the wise old leader in thebook 
 Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH 
. I kept him in an open
 
cage, a large three-story affair. I would cover two of the four
 
241sides and the floors with folded strips of cloth. I positioned thecage so that the walls I made shielded the light, giving Nicky acertain amount of privacy. The middle floor served as his innersanctum as well as his bedroom, evidenced by the number of treasures he would hide there.The cage stood at the end of a long dresser, high up off the floor and in the corner next to the wall. With the cage dooralways open, he would come and go as he pleased. A largetowel, loosely gathered around the base of the cage, gaveadditional places for him to hide.Nicodemus would often run the length of the dresser,from his little house out into the vast unknown at the other endof the dresser top, and push his nose out as far as he could tosample the air. (Rodents are extremely near-sighted and feelvulnerable if out in the open. They run along the walls, so as tobe able to find their way home again.) For one virtually blind,it was a considerable distance back to the safety of his cage, buthe would venture out to the far edge of the dresser many timesa day, in response to nothing obvious save his hunger to knowwhat was beyond his little world. Sometimes he would stick his nose out too far and lose his balance. If I was in the room, Iwould hear the “thump” as he hit the floor, and I’d come to hisrescue. If not, I would always find Nicky close to the dresserwhere he had fallen, still shaking with fear.I often wondered why he insisted on reaching beyondthe safety and comfort of his nest, if he was so afraid of theunexplored world into which he would periodically fall. Likelittle Nicky, I too am afraid of the unknown, and like that rat, Itoo want to know what’s “out there.” I just hope there’ssomeone there to pick me up if I fall.
 To Laugh or To Cry
As Experiencers, what do we feel when we watch thelatest media offering, based upon what most of the worldregards as bad joke, and what we know to be the fantastic truth?We know that flying saucers are real, not just unexplainedlights in the sky, but real vehicles piloted by real beings not of 
 
242this time and space. We know that real people are beingabducted/visited, because we are those people. We know thatwe’re not a joke, even if the rest of the world thinks we are. Sohow are we to react to the barrage of movies and TV shows thatexploit us for their profit?I don’t know. I guess it depends on how one personallyfeels about their adventure. It is an adventure, isn’t it? Wewake up one morning and find that we’re in the middle of a badscience fiction movie. But, unlike most people, we can’tchange channels or get up and leave the theatre. Our moviecontinues to play each night, scene by scene, and we can’tbegin to guess the ending. There are many times when I wantto jump up and yell, “Cut,” but then I remember that it’s not amovie and that I can’t stop it and that I have to sit down andtake it.For some of us, our movie takes on the plot twists of aspy thriller. When I find that my phone is tapped, that myapartment is routinely entered by “human” intruders (usuallytoward the end of every month) and that my computer istampered with (viruses inserted into the system without evergoing online), believe me when I say that I really would like tobe able to turn off the TV and forget about it, but then there isthat annoying little detail. I can’t, because it isn’t a movie. It’sall f***ing real!So maybe I do get a little defensive when I see what themedia does to us. Any comic can get a cheap laugh at ourexpense and everyone is trying to make money by keeping the joke alive. Be it
 Independence Day
,
 Dark Skies
,
 Men in Black 
,or
Third Rock from the Sun
, I just can’t get into the spirit.
 Independence Day
was very well done, I must admit. Iwas grateful that it was written as a big comic book, with thePresident of the United States flying off to lead the last decisivebattle. But I cringed when everyone laughed and made fun of the abducted bush pilot. I felt he should have aimed his guns athis earthly tormentors, instead of at the Aliens. (In real life,I’ve had my Alien contacts do me more good than the humanintrusions I’ve had to suffer.)
 
243
 Dark Skies
mixed a lot of truth with their dark plot lines.Again, I had mixed feelings. It was refreshing to see some of the conspiracies, which I now know to be real, portrayed assuch. But here again, as in
 Independence Day
, the Aliens areevil. Our government is also evil, but is supposed to be thelesser of the two. Why, because it’s the home team?So am I now supposed to root for the real “Men inBlack”? I don’t think so. Not when I’ve been on the receivingend of their amusing little antics, like smearing the inside of myshower curtain with blood and bits of intestine. Harmless prank,or an attempt to unhinge me mentally so that no one, not evenmy closest family or friends, could possibly believe anything Imight say on the subject of UFOs?It’s just a twist on what they used to routinely do topolicemen and airline pilots who reported their close encounters.But why just circulate reports of mental instability (which mayor may not be believed), when you might achieve the real thingwith a few well-timed shocks? (Anyone ever see the move,
Gaslight 
?)
32
Someone asked me the other day if I watch
The X-Files
. I replied, “No, because I live
The X-Files
.” I can’t rootfor our side anymore, whether they’re fantasy heroes or the realMajestic-12 Committee.What can I say about
Third Rock 
? I suppose that if 
 MyFavorite Martian
were still on the air, they’d be doingabduction jokes, too.So, do we join the mass culture and laugh at our ownexpense, or sit like stuffed shirts, silent and humorless? As forme, I can’t share in the laughter anymore, “for the world ishollow and I have touched the sky.”
33
 I’m happy to report that I’ve lightened up a bit over the
32
Ingrid Bergman won an Oscar for her performance in the film version of the play, as the wife of a man (played by Charles Boyer) who was tryingto drive her insane.
33
Ask any
Star Trek 
fan if you don’t know the reference. It comes from theoriginal series and an episode with that phrase as the title. It means, “Ihave learned the unbelievable secret that no one else knows.”
 
244years, but I think at the time, I expressed what manyAbductee/Experiencers feel about how the media treats us.That, unfortunately, has not changed.
I Led Three Lives
During the cold war paranoia of the 1950s, there was a
 
popular TV show called
 I Led Three Lives
. It was based uponthe best-selling autobiography by Herbert Philbrick. Besidesbeing a respected member of his community, he was also amember of a clandestine Communist cell that was intent uponundermining our government and our American way of life. Inaddition, he was an undercover agent for the FBI, assigned toinfiltrate and report on the activities of the Communist Party inAmerica. Needless to say, he had a very stressful life.Like Herbert Philbert, I also led three lives. I, too, am arespected member of my community. I have an ex-wife anddaughter who both trust me and believe me to be a kind andgentle person, if occasionally delusional. I pay my taxes, and Igo to work every day so that I can.Also like Mr. Philbert, my second life is a secret fromthose who think that they know me, my neighbors and thepeople at work. They don’t know about my second “job,” theone I go to in the middle of the night when everyone else issleeping.In my third life, however, Mr. Philbert and I partcompany. As an FBI agent, he was fighting what we as acountry perceived to be our worst enemy at the time,Communism. He was someone whom kids like me wanted togrow up to be like. Now, as an adult the tables are turned and Ifind that I’m an enemy of the state.
34
 
34
 
 Enemy of the State
, a good movie starring Will Smith and GeneHackman about how the National Security Agency (NSA) can track anyone, anywhere and destroy their life with impunity. I was told that thesurveillance technology depicted in the movie was already twenty yearsout of date in 1998, the year it was filmed.
 
245Just like the Communists in that old TV show, to ourgovernment Experiencers are a fifth column of subversiveswhose minds are controlled, not by a foreign ideology but bysomething much more “foreign” – by Space Aliens preparing totake over Earth!At least that’s probably what they tell the agents theyassigned to monitor and harass UFO Experiencers likeourselves.
 
246
Recovering Memories throughHypnotherapy
When trying to assess what’s happening to them, thememories that the newly Awakened carry with them, bothconsciously and unconsciously, are logical places to start. Atsome point in their search for answers, manyAbductee/Experiencers seek to explore what their subconsciousmind, which remembers everything, may reveal underhypnosis.First, what hypnosis is not. It’s not mind control.Unless it’s done with the administering of drugs, the subjectcannot be made to do anything that would not be in their bestinterests, or that would violate their ethics or moral standards inany way. Even at the deepest levels, you’re conscious of yourown critical thinking processes. While you are open to “post-hypnotic” suggestions from the therapist, for your subconsciousmind to accept them it must first determine that they’re not athreat to your safety. Any outside directive given underhypnosis that it determines not to be in your best interests justwon’t have any effect.Hypnotherapy is not always productive. Again, if yoursubconscious mind says no, it won’t happen. The memory maybe something you’re not ready to face. As anAbductee/Experiencer, your subconscious is the keeper of allthe secrets that you’re not yet ready to know. You may want to
 
247know, but that’s not enough. Your subconscious has tocooperate.There may also be blocks put up by the ETs themselves.This was true in my case, when I first attempted to recovermemories of my childhood Abduction in Oklahoma, the “ballof fire” incident. At first all I could see was the color blue. Mytherapist was later told, by a fellow therapist working withanother Abductee/Experiencer, that her client had come upagainst the same kind of “color barrier” in their hypnotherapysessions, but in that case the color was red.Most Abductee/Experiencers have some consciousmemories of something “weird” happening, even if initiallydisguised as a vivid dream. Here is a list of what I rememberwithout the aid of hypnosis. I’ve described these experiencesearlier in my journal.
1.
 
First and foremost, I saw two grays materialize in myapartment in the early morning hours of June 11, 1994.2.
 
I “dreamt” that I spent time with a specific woman, andafter I “woke up” I wondered if she was an Experiencer,too. I later met that very same person while fully conscious.She recognized me, too, and asked me repeatedly if we hadever met before.3.
 
I heard something move in my apartment that sounded likeit had claws, as it walked across my hardwood floor.4.
 
I remembered that as a child I met with other children atnight in an abandoned horse barn, supervised by “grown-ups” whom we never could clearly see.5.
 
I “dreamt” that I was made to study the exact proprietarypaperwork that I was to use months later in a new job.
 
248
6.
 
I experienced a “Missing Time” episode in bumper-to-bumper traffic with one other person.7.
 
I “dreamt”/remembered that there were “Insects in MyFace.”8.
 
I “dreamt”/remembered taking a ride in “The Flying Van.”9.
 
I was shown “The Miracle of the Lamp.”
And here is a list of ET- and UFO-related memories I’ve beenable to access through hypnotherapy; not a lot.
1.
 
A group of grays invaded our house in Oklahoma when Iwas a young boy.2.
 
I met Horus, the falcon-headed Egyptian sun and sky god.3.
 
I was in a large, white-colored area with curved walls (in aUFO?), seated on the floor in a position that suggested I had just suffered a fall.
As for the incident in Oklahoma, I’ve described itearlier in my UFO journal. The other two recovered memorieswere from a free one-hour session that was offered to mesometime in the winter of 1995. I didn’t have much money atthe time and was happy not to have to pay for it. The therapisttook me to a very deep level of hypnosis, but her inductiontechnique took so long that we didn’t spend much time therebefore the hour was up and she ended the session.We were trying to determine how I had sustained a back injury. I had woken up one morning and was about myapartment for an hour or so, when suddenly I cried out and sank to the floor in extreme pain. I hadn’t even been moving at thatmoment. I was just standing there, thinking about something,
 
249when (wham!) it was like someone flipped a switch. Onesecond, I was feeling fine; the next, I was on the floor inexcruciating agony.It was while we were trying to go back to the moment Isustained that injury that I saw the Egyptian god, Horus. Hewas sitting behind a large desk, looking very much like animportant business man. After a second or two, he looked up atme. That was all I saw of that incident.After that image I was able to regress to what I think was the moment of my back injury and see myself in a largeenclosed area. Everything was white – the walls, the floor,everything. I was near a “wall,” which was curved upwardwith no sharp angles, sitting on the floor with my hands behindme and my legs bent. It looked as if I had just fallen and I wasbracing my back. That’s all I was able to see before thetherapist called me back to the present. I recently tried toaccess that memory again, with the aid of anotherhypnotherapist, but with no success.Hypnosis can be a good tool, but it’s no panacea. If theincident was of a traumatic nature and if remembering it wouldinterfere with your ability to cope in the here-and-now, thenyour subconscious might not allow you access to that part of your memory banks.If you’re up for it, though, it may be worth a shot.
 
250
Advice to the Newly Awakened
Just like Neo in the movie
 Matrix
, you’ve been“Awakened” from your familiar existence into a world of thefantastic. You can pretend it isn’t happening. Many do.Denial can be a good coping tool. If you feel that you can’tfunction in the everyday world and deal with a paradigm shiftat the same time, then you might want to consider that as acourse of action. Just put this craziness out of your mind.Think about something else, preferably work or some othersuch reality-grounding aspect of your life. Put on the blindersand concentrate on what’s in front of you. It’s okay, really.Take the blue capsule and go back to sleep.But if you’re like me and cannot ignore something asbig as the Alien presence on Earth, especially once you’vediscovered that you’re personally involved, then I truly feelsorry for you because I know what you’re in for. Youswallowed the red capsule, and there’s no going back.For many, their Awakening is a shattering experience.It’s meant to be. Paradigms aren’t shifted easily. A paradigmis supposed to be something that you can rely on, like theground under your feet. If it shifts unexpectedly, you can loseyour balance and fall. When that happens, manyAbductee/Experiencers react with bouts of depression,sometime clinically severe. Often these people seek psychiatric
 
251help and wind up in their local mental health system,misdiagnosed (usually with Bipolar Disorder) and takingpsychotropic prescription medications. If you suspect that yourdepression, which might be cyclic in nature, is due to ETcontact experiences (especially if you don’t have thecorresponding “highs” that characterize true Bipolar Disorder),then I suggest that you don’t go down that road. It’s likely tobe a dead end and it won’t be easy to turn around and go back,once you’re in the system. A diagnosis of mental illness canhaunt you for a lifetime. Don’t go there if you don’t have to.That is, of course, unless you’re feeling suicidal. If that’s the case, then by all means seek professional help. Onceyou’re feeling better you can decide what to do, but suchthoughts are hard to shake off. Call 911 right away. Don’tdelay!. That being said, how does one function in the everydayworld and cope with the stress of ET contact, if not with“medications” of some kind?
35
First, I would suggest keeping a journal of your ET experiences. Putting it down on paper canbe very therapeutic. Writing it down helps to remind you laterthat it really did happen, that you aren’t crazy, and that it wasn’t
35
I have an old VHS tape of a lecture by Budd Hopkins titled
 Hidden Memories: Are you a UFO Abductee?
where he talked about how adisproportionate number of the members of his support group hadaddictions, either to cigarettes and/or alcohol, with excess consumptionof the latter being an attempt to self-medicate.
 
252a dream or hallucination. It will also protect the details of yourexperiences from a faulty memory, should you wish later to tellyour story either verbally or in print.But just keeping a journal isn’t likely to be enough. It’s just too hard to keep something like personal contact withAliens to yourself. You will want to tell someone. You’ll mostlikely start with your family and friends, who may or may notbe supportive. If they are, you’re very fortunate. Many are notand their rejection can add to the severity of any depressiveepisodes you might have.The obvious place for an Abductee/Experiencer to look for a friendly ear to bend, or to hear the stories of others likethemselves, is a UFO support group. If you’re lucky enough tolive near a large metropolitan area, there might be one nearbythat you can attend. If not, the sense of isolation can be hard tobear, especially when friends or family are unresponsive toyour emotional need to share this new, fantastic part of yourlife.As an aside, let me say that those who don’t have a localsupport group can now gain access to one on online. OPUS(Organization for Paranormal Understanding and Support) hasan email-based UFO support group, where each communicationis shared with everyone in the group, and individuals canrespond at will (or not). For information, write to P.O. Box320174, Los Gatos, California 95032-0174, or email
 
253
 LesterV424@aol.com
or
 JuniMoon7@aol.com
. OPUS isregistered with the IRS as a non-profit organization, formed forthe public good, and maintains a website at
www.opus-net.org
.Before you join any support group, however, there aresome things of which you should be aware. Do not assume thatthe facilitator of any support group will necessarily have yourbest interests in mind. Some are run by researchers who seemmore interested in “picking your brain,” than providing any realemotional support to those who attend their meetings. I’ve meta couple who had reputations for using their influence overExperiencers to foster an almost cult-like following.Unfortunately, in UFOlogy not everyone is who they representthemselves to be.If you do come out publicly, know that you willeventually come to the attention of Majestic and that a file willbe opened with your name on it. How large that file becomes,and even the extent to which you will be harassed by Majestic,will depend largely on how successful you are in convincingothers of the reality of the presence of ETs on Earth. If youdon’t make waves, you’ll probably be left alone for the mostpart.That’s not to say you won’t be monitored. Assume thateverything you do or say is noted and recorded electronically,even when visiting the offices of professionals like doctors anddentists. That, unfortunately, is a given. But if you don’t write
 
254books or articles and don’t tell strangers of your experiencesoutside of support group meetings, which are always monitoredby Majestic anyway, their agents will most likely stay in thebackground. Just know, though, that any privacy you think youhave is only an illusion.If, however, you are a credible person and you talk rationally to others about your contact experiences, then oursecret government will consider you a threat and you will betargeted. It’s then that you’ll be marked for harassment, andMajestic’s overt intrusions into your life will begin. The natureof that harassment can take many forms. Some will be meantto mislead you, others to frighten you.One form of harassment, which at first you probablywouldn’t even recognize as such, appears as just a string of “bad luck.” Misfortune of course happens naturally, but incases where it’s Majestic manipulating from behind the scenes,your personal crisis is meant to isolate you and keep youoccupied with survival issues. That way you won’t have timeto devote to things like attending UFO conventions or writing abook about your ET experiences.Another form of harassment is what I call “RedHerrings.” I described an example of this earlier, whenMajestic agents came into my apartment while I slept anddisfigured a religious pendant of mine. I would lay it carefullyon my night stand before retiring and on two occasions I awoke
 
255to find it charred and twisted. (I replaced it after the first timeand they did it again.) I realized later that it was meant tomake me believe that the ETs, for whatever reason, werereacting violently to my religion. This kind of stunt can onlywork if the target isn’t yet aware of Majestic’s presence in theirlife. Once someone understands that they’re under governmentsurveillance, then tactics like that can’t be made to work anylonger and the harassment is bumped up a notch.It will likely now be of the variety designed to makeyou act paranoid. If you’re talking about UFOs at all, Majesticwill want you talking crazy. If you’re obviously agitated whenyou tell people the government is spying on you, you mightsound crazy enough to attract the attention of the men in whitecoats and then there goes your credibility.Examples of a low-level form of this type of harassmentare the “clicks” that many people hear on their telephones whenthey suspect their conversations are being recorded. The truthis that Majestic wants you to hear those clicks and to know thatthey’re listening so you’ll talk “crazy” to your friends andfamily. It’s not that they’re working with antiquatedmechanical equipment that makes noises. If they didn’t wantyou to know they’re there, you wouldn’t hear anything.If for some reason you’re on their “special” list, thenwatch out. It can get ugly, but try and keep your coolnonetheless. If you find yourself under psychological attack,
 
256know that acting freaked-out is exactly what Majestic wantsyou to do. If instead you can remain calm and rational whenyou talk about your harassment, you’ll be fighting back in themost effective way possible. Whenever I attend UFOconventions or support groups, or in any way present myself asan UFO Experiencer in public, I dress in business attire. It’samazing what being well dressed does for one’s credibility.Many an Experiencer has had an “aha!” moment, whenthey thought they had put some pieces of the puzzle together,only to find out later that they didn’t really fit. If you think youknow the answer, you probably don’t, at least not consciously.In other words, I recommend suspending judgment on mostthings. Stanton Friedman, noted UFO researcher and author,advises the same. He calls it his “Gray Box.” If he doesn’tknow for sure, it goes into the Gray Box to await any furtherinformation on the subject.Be open-minded, but be critical at the same time. Thereis much disinformation in UFOlogy. I’m inclined to believeJim Keith when he said, “There are a number of accounts of themilitary attempting to infiltrate public UFO researchorganizations, apparently in an attempt to monitor anddisinform the field, and to delude the public at large on thesubject of UFOs. On a number of occasions the UFO field hasbeen infiltrated by military intelligence personnel, and well-known UFO ‘researchers,’ possibly even the majority of the
 
257prominent ones, have loyalties that seem not to reside with theUFO research community or with the truth.”
36
 During the late 1960s, there were so many FBI agentswho had infiltrated the Black Panther Party that they wereliterally informing on each other! I’m sure that the UFOcommunity receives the same overkill treatment from Majestic.They have an unlimited Black Budget from which to draw andcan afford to fund any scheme their little, reptilian minds canhatch. (I’m sorry. Is my bias showing?)I’m just saying be skeptical. Believe half of what yousee, half again of what you hear; and put the rest in your GrayBox.
36
Keith, p. 33.
 
258
Do We Really Want an Endto the UFO Cover-up?
Back in 1995 I attended a UFO convention in SanFrancisco. At one of the group discussions a very interestingquestion was put forth: If and when the UFO secrecy is ended,either by our government or the ETs themselves, what will bethe public position of our political leaders? What willdisclosure really mean when they spin the news of the presenceof Aliens on Earth? Will our government welcome the ETs as“Space Brothers,” or proclaim them to be “Space Invaders?” Avery intriguing question, but before you try to answer it,consider the following.President Ronald Reagan speculated publicly on threedifferent occasions as to how a war against an invading armyfrom outer space would be a unifying force for mankind, whichwould undoubtedly dissolve the differences between nationsand bring them together against a common threat. One of thoseoccasions was on September 21, 1987, when he addressed theGeneral Assembly of the United Nations. “In our obsessionwith antagonisms of the moment, we often forget how muchunites all the members of humanity. Perhaps we need someoutside, universal threat to make us recognize this commonbond.” Reagan continued, “I occasionally think how quicklyour differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing analien threat from outside this world.
 And yet, I ask, is not an
 
259
alien force already among us?
[emphasis mine]” I don’t think we’re short on threats that affect us globally. Pollution,overpopulation, ozone holes, global warming, take your pick.We don’t need to go to war to unite the peoples of our planet,so why did the leader of the free world single outExtraterrestrials as a serious threat to mankind, even implyingthat they were already here? Keep in mind that presidentialspeeches are written well in advance and delivered only afterthey’re approved by a dozen people or more.Perhaps whoever did write that speech thought of whatGeneral Douglas MacArthur had said 32 years earlier in hisspeech to the cadets assembled at West Point. “The nations of the world,” he told them, “will have to unite, for the next warwill be an interplanetary war. The nations of the earth mustsomeday make a common front against attack by people fromother planets.”
37
 If and when the UFO cover-up is ended, there appearsto already be a law on the books that allows for the detention,under armed guards, of anyone who comes in contact with anExtraterrestrial. The statute (1211.100 Title14 – Aeronauticsand Space and Part 1211 – Extra-Terrestrial Exposure) wasoriginally written for NASA in 1969 to use if and when ourastronauts should discover Alien life of any kind, either on themoon or some other planet, but it was worded so broadly that it
37
 
 New York Times
, October 9, 1955.
 
260could be used to include Alien contact with civilians here onEarth.
38
 So much attention was given this statute by the UFOcommunity that NASA quietly rescinded it in 1991, saying thatit had “served its purpose.” Aside from the question of why itwas deemed to no longer be needed at that particular time, afterbeing on the books for 22 years, no one doubts that theregulation could just as easily be resurrected should it beneeded again.In 2006 Kellogg, Brown & Root (now known just asKBR), then a subsidiary of Halliburton, was awarded a contractby the Department of Homeland Security to build a series of concentration camps meant to detain illegal immigrants andothers. A press release issued by Halliburton on January 24,2006 announced the news saying, “The contract, which iseffective immediately, provides for establishing temporarydetention and processing capabilities to augment existing ICEDetention and Removal Operations (DRO) Program facilities inthe event of an emergency influx of immigrants into the US,
or to support the rapid development of new programs
[emphasismine].”
39
People all across the country who have reason to feartheir government, from political dissidents to UFO
38
The full text of the law is available online from many different websites,including
http://www.abovetopsecret.com/pages/etlaw.html
.
39
Although the original press release has been removed from Halliburton’swebsite, the author has a copy on file. Halliburton has since sold KBR.
 
261Abductee/Experiencers, are asking, “What new detentionprograms?”Dr. Carol Rusin was a protégé of the late Dr. Wernhervon Braun, the preeminent Nazi rocket scientist who wasbrought to the US after World War II through a top-secretproject code-named “Paperclip.” Von Braun, who haddesigned the Nazi V-1 and V-2 rockets that destroyed much of London, was put in charge of all US space programs, up to andincluding Man's walk on the Moon in 1969. She says that Dr.von Braun had charged her with leading a crusade to preventthe deployment of weapons in space.He told her numerous times that the Military-Industrialcomplex had a phony list of four external threats to the UnitedStates that would be used to support their funding. The first,the Communist Threat, was already under way. The secondwas to be a Terrorist Threat, followed by an Asteroid Threat,and after that would come the Alien Threat. While each of these “threats” was supposed to stimulate military spending, theAlien Threat was meant to also support their control of space.He wanted her to work to ban space-based weapons so thatinternational treaties against their use would be in place by thetime the Alien Threat was brought into play. According to Dr.Rusin, Von Braun told her on several occasions that human
 
262contact with many different kinds of Extraterrestrials wasalready a reality, and that “none of them are hostile.”
40
 It appears that everything is nearly in place for the AlienThreat. One of our most beloved presidents suggested the ideaseveral times; there is/was a law on the books declaring contactwith Aliens to be grounds for forced detention; and now thegovernment is building camps in which UFOAbductee/Experiencers can, at some future date, be rounded upand detained. I think it’s obvious where things are currentlyheaded. If disclosure were to happen tomorrow, the “spin”would undoubtedly be negative, meant to generate as much fearas possible. Maybe they’re planning to skip the AsteroidThreat and go right to the Alien Menace.
40
An audio interview with Carol Rusin by Linda Moulton-Howe wasposted on
UnknownCountry.com
for subscribers, and is on file with theauthor as an mp3. A transcript of another interview of Dr. Rusin by Dr.Steven Greer (of the UFO Disclosure Project) is available at
http://www.illuminati-news.com/ufos-and-aliens/html/carol_rosin.htm.
 
263
TheHuman – E.T.Spirituality Connection
 
264
Testing, Testing, 1-2-3
When you reach out and try to understand yourrelationship with the ETs, they will begin to take a personalinterest in you. Early on I came to understand that the ETswere concerned about my welfare, but I couldn’t say for surethat it wasn’t because they wanted their lab rat to be in goodcondition to run the maze. However, while human researchscientists are usually only concerned with physical changes thatmay result from the experiments they perform on their labanimals, the ETs have, in addition to their genetic agenda,shown a great interest in Abductee/Experiencers as individualpersonalities.Once you open yourself up to contact, the nature of yourbelief systems, the values and standards to which you holdyourself, and even the depth your personal spirituality will beprobed and “tested.” Over the years I’ve been tested severaltimes in different ways and I would like to tell you about threesuch incidents that affected me profoundly.My first test had to do with (would you believe?)cockroaches.
“Joes’s Apartment”
Many years ago I made a vow not to kill except for foodor in self-defense. It was done in a moment of self-righteousness, and quite honestly I didn’t give it much thought
 
265afterwards. In early 1995, however, I renewed my vow mostsolemnly just after I squashed a cockroach in my bathroom.Some months before, I had taken the studio apartmentvacated by my good friend Dick Mayfield, who had moved intoa local hospice in preparation of his impending death fromprostate cancer. He had grown tired of the fight and was readyto die. When he gave up on life, life evidently reciprocated.The building is old and made of brick and mortar, withthick walls and solid wooden doors. Unfortunately structuresof this kind and age, especially ones in large urban areas, areoften infested with cockroaches, and my building is noexception. They were everywhere when I moved in and I wasflattening as many as I could, as fast as I could.On this day, however, I was feeling particularly spiritualafter several visits from the ETs that week. After I killed thecockroach, I remembered my old pledge and felt ashamed that Ihad not considered, until that moment, that the “right to live”included roaches, insects and all other “bugs.” I was alsostruck by how reflexively I had killed that roach. I killed it, notbecause it threatened me in any way, but because it was what itwas, a cockroach. How indifferent of me!I thought for a while and then decided to firmly renewmy pledge, and to extend to even the roaches the protection of my vow. It was a defining moment and I knew it at the time.Immediately afterwards I was stunned by the excited reaction
 
266from the many invisible Beings that were with me that day. Itwas if they all shouted in my ear, their collective voice like aGreek chorus bridging the gap between dimensions. I heardand felt them shout, “He got it!”It was a vow that was hard to keep, to be sure. Myfamily thought me crazy, a nice guy in many respects, but“certifiable” nonetheless. I often thought that their reactionwould have been much different if I had shaved my head andwore salmon-colored sarongs. If I looked like a Buddhistmonk, I’d be permitted to extend my feelings of brotherhood toall living creatures without ridicule; but if I look Western indress I must act Western in deed, which means separating thematerial from the spiritual aspects of my life. (Can’t confusepeople now, can we?)Keeping true to my word was difficult in other respects,too. The roaches would gather under the rim of the commodein the bathroom, and whenever I needed to use the toilet Iwould have to get down on my knees and collect them, lest theydrown when I flushed. In retrospect it was pretty funny attimes, when I would be dancing a jig to keep from peeing in mypants while trying to save the cockroaches from a watery grave.After months of this, I finally had enough and asked the ETs todo something. It wasn’t long thereafter that I stopped findingthem in their usual hiding place under the rim of the commode.
 
267I kept checking for a while, just to make sure, but my plea hadevidently been heard and acted upon. I was very grateful.Katherine, who was about ten years old then, washelped to overcome her fear of bugs when I paid her for eachroach she could scoop up in a cup and throw out my two-storywindow. At first two cents each was enough to satisfy her, butas the months wore on, it grew to a nickel, through collectivebargaining, and finally to ten cents when she threatened astrike.My girlfriend at the time wasn’t pleased, to say theleast. She once threatened to leave me if I didn’t do somethingto rid my apartment of the roaches. It was either them or her,she demanded. Maybe it was the unhesitating way I respondedwhen I told her I didn’t have a choice in the matter, and that if she pushed the issue she wouldn’t like the answer. FortunatelyI made the “no kill” commitment before we had met, so itwasn’t as if she was faced with a bait-and-switch situation. Itwas her decision to stay or leave, and when she saw my resolveshe didn’t say anything more on the subject.She did make me take her to see
 Joe’s Apartment 
whenit came out. It’s a movie, part live action, part animated, aboutthe dating problems of a guy living in an apartment crawlingwith intelligent, talking cockroaches that sing and dance, too!About a year later, I came home and found that thelandlord had come in and planted “Roach Motels” throughout
 
268my apartment. I removed as many as I could find, but feltdefeated in my attempt to keep my apartment free fromviolence of any kind. I was truly saddened.The roaches disappeared, however, and I was neveragain bothered with their company. The landlord hadn’tsprayed any pesticides in my apartment, as tenants could optout of that part of the extermination process if they wanted, andI had. The few Roach Motels that I found couldn’t haveaccounted for the sudden lack of infestation. I think the ETscame and rounded up the cockroaches to take them, where I donot know.I’ve been free of the roaches for over ten years now, butI recently found out that my neighbors on this floor of thebuilding are not so lucky. Their apartments are infested againand I’m told that the landlord is planning anotherextermination. My neighbors are much cleaner in their habitsthan I, I’m embarrassed to admit, so I can only attribute mygood fortune to the ETs who have evidently given me a passinggrade and determined that I no longer need testing in that area.As an aside, I’m reminded of a later incident whenKatherine, and her mother and I were vacationing as a family,driving across country. We stopped at a gas station that wasinfested with mosquitoes. Margaret and Katherine ran from thecar to the mini-mart across from the pumps to pay in advanceand to use the restroom. I stayed behind and pumped the gas,
 
269all the while repeating the mantra just under my breath, “I donot kill; please do not bite. I do not kill; please do not bite.”After we all piled back into the car, Margaret and Katherinewere covered with mosquito bites. Even though I had beenoutdoors for a much longer time than they had, I counted onlytwo or three on me. They were incredulous, despite theevidence.I was pleased to read that my compassion for insectsand bugs, thought by most people to be pests and worthy of extermination, is felt by other Experiencers too. The late Dr.John Mack described in his second book on the subject of UFOAbduction the thoughts of Experiencer Carlos Diaz of MexicoCity. Mr. Diaz feels so connected to life that he can’t turnaway the trail of ants that invades his home to avoid inclementweather. They are safe with him until the sun comes out, thenhe takes them back outside. “They come into the house to seek shelter from the rain,” he said. “The poor things have to have aplace to stay overnight.”
41
He sounds like someone I’d like tomeet some day.Dr. Mack also described the case of Jim Sparks and howthe ETs tested him to see how willing he was to kill. He wasshown a huge ant that he estimated to be 18 inches long, alongwith the word kill and a symbol that conveyed the meaning andpower of killing. Jim was then commanded to press the symbol
41
Mack, pp. 100-102.
 
270and thus kill the ant. He refused. They made his defiancepainful and increased the pain each time he refused to kill theant. When that didn’t work, they then showed him an image of his brother grasping at his chest as if in the throes of a heartattack and said that he would die if Jim didn’t kill the ant. Heat last complied, pressing the symbol for Kill and watched asthe ant curled up and died. Sobbing, he asked the ETs, “Whydid you do this to me?” They responded by telling him “Wehad to be sure.” “To be sure of what?” Jim asked. “That youare not a killer, and you’re not,” they assured him.
42
 If one is open to it, the Alien contact experience cantranscend its physical aspects and lead to a relationship with theETs whereby one is made “civilized” enough to work closelywith Higher Beings. Choosing not to kill, even that which oursociety says should be exterminated, is the first step tobecoming a truly civilized person, and it appears that more andmore Experiencers are making that choice.
Personal Heroes
I think I was given a test to determine how I would reactto meeting a hero figure. This test was administered as adream. I met my personal “hero” and we spent time together inthe dream doing something – what, I don’t remember. I could
42
Ibid
.
, pp. 148-150. Mr. Sparks went on to write his own account of hisET experiences in
The Keepers: An Alien Message for the Human Race
(Columbus, NC: Wild Flower Press, 2006).
 
271tell, though, that he really liked me, even though he was a bigmovie star and I was just an average person, and it made mefeel good to be accepted by someone I admired.The experience was profound, and when I woke up atthree in the morning I didn’t want to break the mood of thedream that was still with me, so I didn’t turn on the lights. I satin the dark and the first four lines of a poem started to runthrough my mind. “Someone I wanted to meet. Someone Iwanted to know. Someone I wanted to be like, my ownpersonal hero.” I repeated those lines over and over again tocommit them to memory. The poem that follows is whatdeveloped the next morning.
 DREAMING OF A HERO
Someone I wanted to meet,Someone I wanted to know,Someone I wanted to be like, My own personal hero. I met him in a dream last night, And he became my friend, But when the dream was over, I knew it was not the end.For I learned something important, As I lay there in my sleep,We can’t be like other people,We have our own lives to keep.That each and every one of us, Is a hero in his day,To his family, his friends, And those he meets along the way.
 
272
So thank you Harrison, Although we never met,You helped me learn a lesson, I won’t easily forget.
Years later I learned that Katherine also had a dream of her hero, actually three dreams on three consecutive nights.She was delighted to meet and be with her idol, who at the timewas Leonardo DiCaprio. (I can’t count how many times I sawthe movie
Titanic
with her!) It would be interesting to know if other Experiencers have had dreams of their “heroes.”Whom we look up to and admire says a lot about us asindividuals. In our Western culture with its emphasis onentertainment, actors and other media, celebrities are so reveredthat occasionally we even elect them to public office. Whetheror not it was the lesson the ETs were trying to administer, I didlearn something that night. We shouldn’t look up to otherpeople as if somehow, in some way, they are greater than weare. Each of us has qualities that others can appreciate andadmire. We all learn from each other. Be an example as yougo about your daily routine. Live your life as a quiet “hero” toothers.
A Test of Character
I hope that by now any reader who has gotten this farwill have formed an opinion of me as a decent sort of person,truthfully reporting what he has experienced. That’s how I
 
273think of myself, at least, and I hope you’ve reached thatconclusion as well.To those readers who have skipped throughout thisbook, choosing here and there from the Table of Contents, Inow ask that they now go back and read everything prior to thispage. What follows is very personal, but to explain theincredible lengths to which the ETs will go to administer their“tests” and what it reveals about the nature of who and whatthey are, I must be perfectly frank, even if it means revealing asecret I’ve kept for decades from many who think they knowme. It will shock some and dismay others, but before youpronounce judgment on me, I would have you properlyprepared. Please read everything that precedes beforecontinuing.**********************The ETs I’ve been in contact with are spiritual but notreligious, although they use the myths and symbols of Earth’sreligions to communicate with Experiencers about spiritualconcepts. If you believe that Jesus of Nazareth was the Christ,then they will use the Jesus legends and Christian symbols toprepare for you spiritual tests which, when completedsuccessfully, become spiritual lessons learned. You don’t haveto be Christian, though, or even believe in one Supreme Beingto be the subject of these tests. I offer myself as a personalexample.
 
274I am a Pagan. I honor many gods and goddess. I amnot a Wiccan, though I respect their beliefs and certainly sharemany of them. Witches, though, usually confine themselves tocasting spells of healing, using the energies of the nature gods.On occasion they may be induced to provide a “love potion” or“Mojo Bag” for some lonely soul or someone down on theirluck, but that’s usually the extent of their meddling in thenatural order of things. My approach has been much more“hands on.”Let me explain. Every religion has its Right and LeftHand Paths of spirituality. The majority of people of anyreligion follow the Right Hand Path, honoring their deities bygiving up to them (evoking) the power of the faithful throughprayer, or some other such heart-felt emotional release of energy, such as tribal dancing for example.There are always a few who instead choose to followthe Left Hand Path, learning to draw down (invoking) intothemselves the power of a god or goddess, so that they may usethat power to alter the natural flow of energies and achieveresults that would be otherwise highly improbable. This is theArt of Sorcery, the Realm of Magick.
43
 As I said, every religion has a less-traveled “Left HandPath” to approaching the divine. Jews have their Kabbalah.
43
No, it’s not a typo. A “k” at the end of the word “magic” was coined byAleister Crowley to distinguish it as a real “reality-bending” event, asopposed to the pulling of rabbits out of hats, a slight-of-hand trick.
 
275Catholics had their Knights Templar, and indigenous peoplestheir shamans.The example of the American Indian is probably thebest illustration. Their Medicine Man was equivalent to thevillage priest. In addition to dispensing cures for all that ailedhis charges, he was sought after in counsel, his words wellrespected. He was welcome throughout his society and manyyoung men sought him out to learn from him.But outside of the camp, up in the hills if there were anynearby, lived the shaman. He was a darker version of theMedicine Man and, while also respected, he was also generallyavoided. He communicated his advice only to the elders of thetribe, and only the very brave would seek him out for spiritualguidance, for he would take them (through the ingesting of sacred plants) to the very edge of life itself, to death’s door, toshow them the divinity that is within everyone.For my spiritual quest in this life, I walk the Left HandPath. My training is that of a Ritual Magician, learning fromthe writings of Arthur Waite, Israel Regardie and AleisterCrowley, among others, as well as at the side of two skilledpractitioners who taught me well. I’ve practiced a modern formof ancient Egyptian Magick for over a quarter of a century andI’m pretty good at it. I also lead a small circle of fellowMagicians and teach a few selected students.By practicing magick, I make the conscious decision
 
276every day to be in charge of my own “Karmic Bank Account.”Magick allows those skilled in its art to change the course of their lives beyond what was originally programmed for themthrough the process of reincarnation. When the magick isturned inward, it can be a “fast track” to personal growth. Ayear practicing magick can be worth ten on the psychiatrist’scouch. However, those who would separate themselves fromthe natural order of things must examine each of their decisionsin life to confirm that they were made in balance with Truth andJustice. Not to do so is to almost guarantee self-destruction.While the Left Hand Path can be used as a shortcut to personaltransformation, it is a treacherous one to tread, and should notbe attempted without guidance from someone who has gonebefore.In preparation for the story to follow, let me explain thatthere are three basic types of magick ritual: (1) those thatemploy positive energies to create, (2) those that use negativeenergies to destroy, and (3) lust rituals (which are outside ourdiscussion here). As a Magician I would most often use mytalents for the benign benefit of my myself, my family and myfriends, but on rare occasion I would muster the negativeenergies of the universe against those who sought to do meharm.I’m normally a peaceful person, but I learned to fightback when someone attacks me. Knowing as I do the power of 
 
277magick and how to wield it, I could (and would) retaliateagainst those foolish enough to attack me. Unlike other victimswho are powerless against brutish people, I had the tools tocome back at them tenfold, and I did. If they were foolishenough to purposely step on a scorpion, then they deserved toget stung, I reasoned.Let me say that this is not something I would docasually. In almost thirty years of practicing magick, I cancount the number of times I’ve done a ritual in anger on onehand and still have a finger or two left over. I reserved my“ultimate weapon” for only those I thought to be the mostdeserving.The tale I’m about to relate is true. Although it is onethat is embarrassing to tell, the telling is necessary.It was the mid-1990s and I was hired to work for agovernmental agency of a nearby county. The commute waslong, but the pay was good and the job came with full benefits.I was hired the same day as one other new employee and wefollowed one another through the first day’s orientations andpresentations. At first she was friendly enough, but herdemeanor toward me turned cold when I saw her take notice of the ring I was wearing.It was the simple design of a five-pointed star with acircle around it, known as the Pentagram. It’s a sacredreligious symbol, recognizable as such by all Pagans. I wore it
 
278and looked at it often because it would help to ground me eachtime I did. Knowing that most people are ignorant of the realmeaning of the Pentagram and believe it to be tied to devilworship (regardless of its orientation of “up” or “down”), manyPagans are reluctant to flaunt it in public. Mary (not her realname) wore a crucifix in public display around her neck, yetshe was offended by my ring. Go figure.This type of religious prejudice doesn’t surprise me andI quickly forgot about it. Later that day we were both assignedto the same office, and eventually we found ourselves on thenight shift with another woman whom I’ll call Barbara. Thethree of us would take our dinner hour together, sampling therestaurants within driving distance and alternatingresponsibility for the bill. Over the following weeks Mary’sattitude toward me softened, as the three of us bonded duringthis break in our nightly work schedule.She even offered to set me up with a date. I wasreluctant, but she insisted and invited her friend to our dinnerhour so that we could meet. I promised nothing. I was friendlyduring the meal, but didn’t encourage anything further. Maryand Barbara were puzzled as to why I wasn’t “available.” “No,I’m not gay,” I told them. “Then what is it?” they asked. Theywere nothing, if not persistent.I decided to let them read my journal. I knew thatwould stop the matchmaking. I had learned from past attempts
 
279at dating that unless they were Abductees or Experiencersthemselves, most women found it difficult to share me withSpace Aliens.I must admit, though, that I had another motive forletting them read my journal. I badly needed to talk to someoneabout my ET experiences. The one support group in the areawas a good four-hour drive roundtrip and only met once amonth. I had stopped documenting all my episodes of HighStrangeness during this period, so I can’t remember what washappening then, but I do remember the need I had for support atthe time. We had a couple of months of friendship between us,so I felt that Mary and Barbara probably wouldn’t think me aliar or crazy, and might even believe me.Mary read it first, then passed it to Barbara a couple of days later, as I waited patiently to get their reaction. Barbarahad had it for over a week when I asked if she was close tofinishing it. She told me she had finished it days earlier, butthat Mary had wanted it back to reread certain parts. I askedMary and she returned it the next night. Mary’s reaction wasincredulous but supportive. Barbara was quicker to believe andwas also sympathetic. Their support buoyed me and I felt that Ihad finally found a good job, working with good people.Our night shift began an hour before the day shiftended. It was a couple of weeks after I “came out” to myworkmates about my ET experiences, and shortly after I arrived
 
280at work one afternoon, when Mary approached me and askedme about my ring. “What does it mean?” she asked. “It’s just astar,” I replied. There were other people in the room, so itwasn’t the time or place for me to explain the Pentagram toMary. That would have to wait for our dinner hour, I thought.A few minutes later, I was asked to “step into theoffice,” by our supervisor. When I did, I was introduced to aman from the county’s legal department. After the supervisorleft the room, the attorney told me that I had just been fired.Mary had filed a sexual harassment complaint against me.I was dumbfounded. When I professed my innocence,he asked me if I had ever showed Mary a picture of my penis. Icouldn’t believe my ears. “Of course not,” I said. He gave mea dirty look and produced a piece of paper from a folder on thetable. When he turned it over, I realized what Mary had done,and what a naive fool I had been. There in front of me was apage from the back of my journal, a diagram I had drawn of thescar on my penis.I protested that they were taking it out of context andthat Mary hadn’t given me any indication that the drawing hadupset her. The stern demeanor that the lawyer had projecteduntil that moment softened. He said although my work hadbeen satisfactory, Mary had threatened to sue the county and,because my mandatory three-month probationary period hadnot expired, the county could let me go “without cause.” In
 
281other words, it was easier and cheaper to fire me than to fight alawsuit.Her treachery had been complete. When I gave themmy journal, Mary had read it first and then passed it to Barbara,only to ask for it back again. She had obviously made her plansat that time and wanted the journal back from Barbara to copy itfor use against me later. As a good Christian (in her mind asleast), she had struck a blow for her God. She probably got herinspiration from her Bible, that passage where it says it’s okayto kill witches. I think there’s also something about Pagans.
44
 At that time, there were no legal guidelines forcompanies or government agencies to follow when faced withincidences of alleged sexual harassment. Mary’s threats tomanagement wouldn’t have gotten her anywhere nowadays.Today just one incident doesn’t qualify. It must be repeatedover the objections of the victim to rise to the level of harassment. This was not a repeat incident. In fact she hadsaid nothing about the drawing, or indicated to me that anythingI’d written had upset her. If anything I was guilt of extremestupidity, but certainly not sexual harassment. (Just for therecord, I want to say that I would never sexually harass anyone.It’s just not in me. I’m not that kind of person.)I’d been attacked and badly wounded. The loss of my
44
From the King James Version: Exodus 22:18: “Thou shalt not suffer awitch to live,” and Exodus 22:20: “He that sacrificeth unto any god, saveunto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed.”
 
282 job was a heavy blow and one I felt I couldn’t leaveunanswered. My pride as a Magician wouldn’t allow it. Iimmediately set about planning a ritual to retaliate. I performedit on a Tuesday night to access Mars energy. Mars is the god of war and ruthless when unleashed. My anger was immense andit fueled the ritual to great heights. When it was done, I knewthat vengeance was mine.I learned two or three months later, when I got a callfrom Barbara, just how effective my ritual had been. She toldme that Mary had been fired for poor performance and that herhusband had been diagnosed with leukemia. (As part of theritual, I had made a stipulation that anyone who had urged herto file her false claim against me would share equally in herpunishment.) My ritual had obviously been a success. Littledid I know then that it had also been a “test,” one which I wasto find out years later I had utterly failed.After two years of sporadic employment, I waseventually led through an agency to a temporary assignment,with a possible permanent hire at the end of a three-monthcontract. I say I was “led” there because it soon becamestunningly obvious to me that my job at that particularcompany, even the specific department to which I eventuallywas assigned, had been predetermined long before I evenapplied at the employment agency that had sent me there!Months earlier, the ETs showed me in a “dream” the
 
283exact proprietary reports that I wound up working with at mynew company and told me to study them carefully, which I did.When those very same reports were handed to me on the job, Iwas struck speechless.
45
After I recovered, I felt humbled andso very grateful to the ETs for providing me with gainfulemployment. When you don’t know from one week to the nexthow you’ll pay the rent at the first of the month, it can be a verystressful situation. While I was happy to have a regularpaycheck again, I was later to learn that providing me withfinancial security was not the reason the ETs had led me to mynew job.The small office to which I was eventually assignedhoused a team of four people, one of whom was now me. Thewinter holiday season was in full swing. Since I had no moneyto buy presents, I offered to chart the horoscope of my co-workers and provide them a full written report describing in layterms what it all meant, if they would but provide me with thedate of their birth and the city in which they were born. I havea good astrology computer program and I presented each of myco-workers with a printout of their horoscopes as my holidaygift to them.A couple of days later one of my co-workers, I’ll callhim Jason, asked me if I had read his horoscope before I hadgiven it to him. I didn’t stop to think and said something like,
45
“The ET Employment Agency,” page 159.
 
284“Of course, I like to know who I’m working with.” It was asnappy answer, but one that made me an enemy. When Ichecked his horoscope afterwards the computer-generatedreport described him, in what I later learned was with stunningaccuracy, as being determined to always get his way “even if itmeans resorting to guile and subterfuge.”The man was a genius at ingratiating himself with ourdepartment manager and soon he was socializing with her inher office, with the door closed and his feet up on the desk.(The office had windows.) At about this time I noticed acooling in my interactions with our supervisors. I was nowbeing treated as if they were sorry they had hired me as apermanent employee. I couldn’t understand it because myproductivity, which was tracked weekly, was as good asanyone’s and sometimes better. Jason had poisoned the watersfor me. Of that I was sure. I was seriously contemplatingdoing another ritual in answer to his treachery, because the manwas obviously evil. It even said so in his horoscope!As I thought about the situation I was suddenly struck,as if by lighting, when I remembered that both Jason and I hadstarted work on the same day. We had both been temps fromdifferent agencies and could have wound up in differentdepartments, but after some back-and-forth negotiationsbetween the supervisors we were both assigned to the samesmall office. I do not believe in coincidence. What was
 
285happening in my new job so exactly matched what hadhappened when I worked for that county agency, years before.I had been stabbed in the back both times by someone who hadbeen hired the same day as I had by a large employer, with bothof us being assigned to a similar small work team of three orfour people.The realization of what the ETs had done struck me full-force. I realized then that Mary and her charge of sexualharassment those many months earlier had been a test of mycharacter, a test that I had failed miserably. How small I felt atthat moment.But it went further than that. I was suddenly confrontedwith ethical questions about the spiritual path I had chosen.Was it wrong to retaliate as I did? The ETs obviously thoughtso, I reasoned, because they were now offering me theopportunity to either repeat my mistake or to choose a differentapproach to the problem. And what exactly was my “mistake”anyway? Was it to react to Mary’s betrayal by doing a ritualthat was propelled by anger and a thirst for revenge? Was evenpracticing Ritual Magick itself a problem for my ETs? Withthese questions running through my mind, I finally lookedinward for the answers.Magick was not the problem, I decided. It was all abouthow I used power. The biblical equation of “an eye for an eyeand a tooth for a tooth” was originally a Jewish legal reform,
 
286long before it became a call for vengeance. It meant that bylaw you could only extract like kind in payment for an injury.You could only take “an eye for an eye.” You couldn’t kill aman for robbing you, for example. It served to put limits on thepunishments that could be meted out by men with the power todo so. Through the power of magick I had the ability to punishMary in any way I wished and I called upon the help of somepretty nasty demons to do it – not what you would call ameasured response.My response to Jason’s back-stabbing still used magick ritual, but this time I did it differently. Jason had often said thathe really wished that he could work behind the scenes intelevision. I decided to give him what he wanted. My ritualwas planed around bringing to him an offer he couldn’t refusefrom any of the several television stations in the area. Aboutthree months later, he was telling everyone at work that he hadaccepted a position at the local public broadcasting station. Iwas finally rid of him and his poisoning influence with mysupervisors, and this time there was no blood on my hands.It took two years, after Jason left, to repair my damagedreputation with the company, but I was rewarded in the endwith stock options that were only offered to a few of their mostprized employees. I had finally been vindicated. After 9/11,though, the company closed their satellite operations and
 
287moved everything back to their home office in Texas. I wasunemployed, yet again.
 
288
Who Are These People?(An Unsettling Conclusion)
This last test of my character was enormous in scopeand flawless in execution. It was literally years between thetwo incidences, yet they were most definitely connected. Manylives had to have been manipulated to make possible thatmoment of clarity when I realized what was happening.Different employment agencies had to send Jason and meseparately to the same company, and the supervisors at thatcompany had to come to an agreement as to where to put us.There were three different departments that were vying for thenew temps and it was originally thought that we would go indifferent directions, but instead they assigned Jason and me tothe same small office. It wasn’t an accident. I was meant to bestruck with the unlikely similarities of the two situations that,although years apart, were almost identical in nature.It was like being hit with a sledgehammer. It got myattention and I had to consider the implications. I wouldn’thave thought to have dealt with Jason’s back-stabbing anydifferently than I had done with Mary’s treachery, if it weren’tfor that revelation. It was only then that I was able to growspirituality, by putting self-imposed limits on my use of power.I still practice magick, but I hope more responsibly now.The “coincidence” of Mary and Jason was a graphicillustration to me of the power that the ETs have over our lives.
 
289I had been shown earlier the incredible Alien technology thatallowed them to “freeze-frame” automobile traffic, lift my carup and over a tunnel that is over a quarter of a mile long,deposit the car, my passenger and me back into traffic on theother side, and start everything up again.
46
It was as if they hada remote control that allowed them to “pause” time itself. Nowthey showed me that they can, with equal ease, manipulate thelife of anyone they choose, and will do so in order to offer aspecific individual the opportunity to grow spiritually. Who arethese people?Let me attempt to answer that question. I’ve come tounderstand that the Grays are Interdimensional Beings from thenext higher plane of existence, and that they are specificallycharged and guided by even higher Beings, with maintainingthe cosmic mechanism of reincarnation. They program thelives of us flawed human beings so that major events set upopportunities that help us to grow spiritually. Where we live,what kind of people we meet and befriend, what careers wefollow, and even whom we marry and have children by, are allpredetermined by these Higher Beings. While we have ourown set of individual “tests” to undergo throughout life, we arealso manipulated so as to be a part of the testing of otherpeople. Life on this Earth is one big school and, through ourinteractions, we teach each other the lessons we’re meant to
46
“Missing Time in Bumper-to-Bumper Traffic,” page 161.
 
290learn. This is the major principle of reincarnation, a spiritualbelief held by the majority of the world’s population.
47
 I’m certainly not the first person to suggest that theGrays are spiritual in nature. Dr. Mack also noted this commonthread amongst some Experiencers. “Even when abducteesinitially experience the beings themselves, especially the nowwell-known small gray figures with huge black eyes, asinstigators of great fear and trauma, over time they may cometo see them as odd spirit guides, closer to the ultimate creativeprinciple or Source than humans, even as emissaries from theDivine.”
48
Whitley Strieber wrote (I forget in which of hisbooks) that when he protested to the Grays that they had noright to take him, they responded by saying that they certainlydid have the right and later told him that they “recycle souls,” aclear reference to reincarnation. Raymond Fowler, UFOresearcher who brought to the world the case of BettyAndreasson-Luca, cites instances where Grays were seen at thebedside of people just before they died, and says that hisresearch over many years leads him to the conclusion that“UFOs and their entities come from behind death’s GreatDoor.”
49
 
47
Reincarnation was also a major teaching of the early Catholic Church. Itwasn’t until the First Council of Nicaea in 325 AD that the belief wasmade hearsay.
48
Mack,
 
p
.
17.
49
Raymond E. Fowler,
The
 
Watchers
 
 II:
 
 Exploring
 
UFOs
 
and 
 
the
 
 Near 
-
 Death
 
 Experience
, Newberg, OR: Wild Flower Press, 1995, p. 350.
 
291UFO researchers were reluctant for years to publiclycomment on what they were talking about in private, that thereis a strong “spiritual” component to the ET agenda. Manyremained silent because they feared ridicule and loss of credibility, others because they had no context in which theycould place the new information. Why would ETs beconcerned with human spirituality, they asked? Are thespiritual transformations that many Experiencers report anactual part of the ET agenda, along with their genetic samplingand hybrid program, or is it an unintended consequence of theabduction experience itself? Again Dr. Mack put this way:“The third dimension of the abduction phenomenon mightvariously be defined as ‘growth engendering,’ or ‘spiritual.’One of the most intense debates in this field occurs around thequestion of whether these changes in the psyche of theexperiencers – no researchers seem to deny that such change,even transformation, does in fact occur in some cases – is anintrinsic aspect of the phenomenon, even its ‘purpose’ or‘intention,’ or is instead a kind of by-product, reflecting humancreativity, resilience, and adaptability in the face of thetraumatic challenge, or is even the result of alien trickery ordeception.”
50
 Having no answer to that question and knowing thatthey would certainly be asked it, UFO researchers by and large
50
Mack, p. 16.
 
292simply ignored the mounting evidence and remained silent onthe subject, at least publicly. But the evidence of spiritualtesting, as described by Jim Sparks, myself and others, isbuilding and cannot be ignored any longer. If we are indeedbeing visited by the Masters of Reincarnation, as I believe Ihave confirmed, then their interest in our spirituality is certainlyunderstandable.I was asked once by someone, just after I explainedwhat I had discovered as to the relationship between the ETsand reincarnation, if I was telling him that the Aliens were infact angels. By the tone in his voice, I could tell that he could just as well have asked, “Are you a religious fanatic?” Untilrecently, I think I might have reacted in much the same way.As a practicing Pagan, I had an almost visceral reaction againstthe word “angel,” because of its Christian origins. It wasn’t inmy working vocabulary. Even the Old Testament of the Bible(the original Hebrew Scriptures) doesn’t mention the word,instead referring to these Higher Beings as “divine emissaries.”In the early days of my struggle to understand the natureof what had taken hold of my life, I agonized over thepossibility that the grays might be the gods and goddesses withwhom I communicated in ritual. This was at first an idea Iwanted to reject out of hand. They couldn’t be, I thought. Thegrays were more about medical procedures than spirituality, Ireasoned at the time. (At that point, I only knew about the
 
293small grays.) The fact was that I didn’t want to believe it. Ihad a comfortable relationship with my gods and didn’t want itdisturbed.In truth, it doesn’t really matter what you call theseHigher Beings. As Shakespeare would say, “A rose by anyother name . . .” Through my dozen years of interactions withthem, I’ve come to understand that the Grays, both large andsmall, are Higher Beings (some would call them “angels”), andit is from their base on the Ethereal Plane of existence that theyorchestrate our lives through the mechanism of reincarnation.
51
 The taller Grays are also known to us as “GuardianAngels.” We each have one and they guide us throughout ourlives, all the while unseen. They administer the lessons we’remeant to learn, each one programmed before we are born tounfold as they do. For people belonging to monitored bloodlines and for selected individuals with special tasks to performin life, the grays also provide scheduled medical maintenance
51
There is more than one heaven. There is in fact a hierarchy of “heavens”that extends from the Ethereal Plane up through all of the higherdimensions. The Grays, both large and small, are Higher Beings (or“angels,” if you prefer) who reside on the Ethereal Plane, the spirit worldwe go to when we die, our “heaven.” The “Higher Heavens” are theplanes of existence above the Ethereal. The beings who populate thoserealms are the “angels” who administer to the beings residing belowthem. On up the cosmic ladder, throughout all eleven dimensionspostulated by our current understanding of reality (as explained by StringTheory), Higher Beings help those who vibrate at a lower frequency onthe plane of existence just below them. As a soul evolves upward throughthe dimensions, it is given the opportunity to help others to follow.
 
294throughout that person’s life and emergency interventionswhenever necessary.Other Aliens from other planets on this physical planeare allowed to come and witness the unfolding of events hereon Earth, even to take samples of the various life forms forstudy back home, but not to interfere. On occasion, some of these visiting ETs are used by the Grays, knowingly or not, tohelp Awaken certain humans to their ET contacts, and in theprocess open their minds up to “larger possibilities.”I’ve often heard the argument put forth that the ETscouldn’t be angels because angels don’t have bodies andtherefore wouldn’t have need of anything physical, such asspacecraft to transport them from place to place. In truth, theidea that angels often took physical form was a belief held bymost people throughout history well into the fourth and fifthcenturies AD.An example can be found in the biblical story of Abraham’s encounter in old age with three divine emissarieswho come to tell him that his aged wife, Sara, would soon bearhim a son. They appear to him as material beings, made of flesh and blood as any mortal man, even though their divineorigins were intuitively obvious to him from the beginning.Another example of “angels” appearing in physicalform among humans can be found in the story of the three menwho visited Lot to warn him of the destruction of Sodom and
 
295Gomorrah. They showed themselves to be Higher Beings whenthey blinded the unruly crowd that wanted to do them harm.Throughout the Pagan world, too, gods and goddesses oftentook physical form to interact with humans. Zeus waslegendary for taking the form of various animals, to mate withthe human women for whom he lusted.And as for angels using space ships, Ezekiel’s vision of a circular aircraft, as reported in the Old Testament with its“wheels within wheels” and its crew of angels, is perhaps thebest described encounter with a UFO and its occupants inancient history.It’s my belief that in order for incorporeal beings (evenangels) to impact on the physical world, they need first to takephysical form. Hands are needed to use the physicalinstruments required to do things, like take DNA samples(those ubiquitous scoop marks for example). Once in theirphysical “shells,” these beings would need physical aerial craftto carry them where they need to go, their flying disks.Without the ability to become physical, InterdimensionalBeings would be incapable of interacting with us. They wouldbe as impotent as those spirits in the classic 1951 film versionof 
 A Christmas Carol
, who wanted to help the poor little“match girl” freezing in the snow just outside Scrooge’swindow, but couldn’t because they had no way to make theirpresence felt.
 
296In truth, unseen Higher Beings are making themselvesfelt here on Earth. They have invaded the lives of tens of millions of Abductee/Experiencers worldwide and theirpresence in our reality can no longer be ignored.
 
297
A Unified Theory for ET Agendas
That our world is being visited by the Higher Beings,who program our very lives through the mechanism of reincarnation, should be sobering to all who understand thisfact. But why have they chosen this specific time to come outfrom behind “Death’s Great Door,” and in such great numbers?It’s as if the Grim Reaper himself is visiting Earth.Many different Alien programs have been identified,including the genetic sampling of all Earth’s life forms, medicalexaminations of selected individuals, the creation of human-Alien hybrids and, as I’ve described, karmic lessons thatpromote spiritual growth. These seemingly different agendasbegin to reveal a common purpose, if we consider thepossibility that death on a huge scale might be in Earth’s nearfuture.The idea of taking DNA samples of an endangeredspecies to preserve them for some future time when they can be“reconstituted” is now being taken seriously by Earth’sscientists. At the Kyoto Convention in 1992, Denmark presented a paper that called for the large-scale collection of DNA samples from endangered species. In presenting thebenefits of such an ambitious program the author argued, “Thispermits later screening of the genetic make-up of the individual
 
298animal in the population, and can become important in theplanning of breeding programmes . . .”
52
 In 2004 BBC News Online reported on the building of agenetic Noah’s ark with this posting, “A tissue bank that willstore genetic material from thousands of endangered animalshas been set up in the UK. The Frozen Ark, as it is called, willpreserve animal “life codes” even after their species havebecome extinct. This will allow future generations of scientiststo understand long lost creatures, and may also help with theconservation programmes of tomorrow. The project issupported by the Natural History Museum of the UnitedKingdom, the Zoological Society of London and NottinghamUniversity.”
53
 The bloodless scoop marks often found on the legs of Abductee/Experiencers after a nocturnal visit from ETs areidentical in appearance to medical biopsies performed for thepurpose of collecting genetic material by Earthly scientists.Might the Grays be doing the same thing to humans, for thesame reason?We often capture and tag selected members of anendangered species, so as to easily locate them again forfollow-up medical exams. These periodic “abductions” arenecessary to monitor threats to their health, such as the
52
 
http://www.cites.org/eng/cop/08/doc/E-41.pdf 
53
 
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/3928411.stm [without the www.]
 
299accumulation of toxins in their system, or the progression of disease throughout the population of their species. Thatmedical examinations are given to Abductee/Experiencers iswell known, it being one of the first Alien agendas to beidentified. Is the general health of the human species beingmonitored by Higher Beings, much as we monitor the health of animal populations here on Earth?Someday, we might even try to help a few specificindividuals of an endangered species to survive impendingextinction by altering their DNA. We do this now withdifferent cash crops, so that they can better fight off naturalpredators, survive diseases and endure sudden changes intemperature. That’s with plants and not with animals, I realize,but the principle is the same. Advances in genetics areproceeding rapidly and it shouldn’t be long before we’re able tomanipulate the genes of wild salmon, so that they can spawnwhere they are instead of having to return to their place of origin, which may or may not still exist. In the not-to-distantfuture, we’ll be able to save an endangered species bygenetically altering a significant portion of its population sothat they can better adapt to its changing environment. Are theETs doing this already to selected human individuals, bymanipulating their DNA, both before and after their birth?Could it be that the ETs know something we don’t,namely that the human race is about to suffer a huge die-off in
 
300the near future? I know that I’m going to be accused of spreading fear and negativity by asking such a question. It iscertainly not my intention to give support to the very real anddark forces loose in the world today by fear-mongering. I onlybring up the subject to urge people to prepare for thatpossibility.How does one prepare for the end of the world? Somelike, Ed Dames, remote viewer and “Coast to Coast AM”celebrity, carefully select a spot on the planet they feel willoffer them the best chance for survival when the “killer event”happens, and move there. Others stockpile food and shotgunshells. But that’s not the kind of preparation I’m suggesting,although there was a time when I gathered supplies for what Ithought was going to be the end of civilization.What I’m talking about is the need to prepare spirituallyfor the end of one’s life, whenever and however it comes. Oneof the responsibilities of religion is to help us prepare for ourmortal end, but it’s usually presented only in the abstract, as aninevitable event to be sure, but one that can be postponed to thenatural end of a long and hopefully fruitful life. I’m onlysaying that we might not have much time left.At a recent UFO convention, Dolores Cannon, UFOresearcher and author, spoke to a room full of interested peopleabout what the ETs had to say on the subject. She had beeninstructed by her ET contacts to tell people to do two things.
 
301First, she was to say that all past-life karma is forgiven.Instead, people are to concentrate on cleaning up their karma inthis life. In other words, don’t wait for tomorrow to say thatyou’re sorry. Second, people should concentrate on eliminatingfear from all aspects of their lives. These two items make upthe life work upon which we’re to concentrate, she said. If these directions come from the Masters of Reincarnation, as Ibelieve they do, then we need to listen to them and to followtheir instructions carefully.If all past-life karma is forgiven and it is now only thekarma from this life that one need address, it would appear thatthere is a sense of urgency on the part of the ETs as relates tothe spiritual development of human souls on Earth. Is timerunning out? It’s said that Earth is a school and that we’re allhere to learn our karmic lessons. Is the school shutting down?Are we about to graduate?The second directive is the really hard one. While itmay be difficult for most of us to say that we’re sorry when wetransgress, it takes real courage to admit to oneself, despite thefalse front we put up for other people to see, that deep downinside we’re really afraid. Fear is the big nut to crack. It is theroot of all things negative and only serves to stifle our spiritualgrowth and limit our potential. The only positive thing that canbe said about fear is that we become stronger by overcoming it.
 
302It is said that the ultimate root of all fear is the fear of death. As I explained earlier, I teach selected students the art of Ritual Magick. At some point during their training, I ask themhow it would change their lives if suddenly they woke up onemorning and knew that during the night they had beentransformed into an immortal being, incapable of experiencingphysical death. “Oh, you may have an accident, say get hit by acar and spend time in the hospital,” I tell them, “but youwouldn’t die . . . ever. How would that change you?” At theend of a carefully guided discussion, they usually saysomething to the effect that eliminating the fear of death wouldgo a long way to eliminating all fear in their lives. That’s whenI spring it on them (but you see it coming, don’t you?). At thatpoint I tell them that they are, in fact, immortal and that none of us will ever really die, that what we call death is but theopening of one door and the closing of another. At the momentof death, there is only a fraction of a second when theconsciousness is blacked out, when the two doors are wideopen. In the blink of an eye, one moment you’re here, the nextyou’re there. So what’s so fearful about that, I ask them?In the 23
rd
century of 
Star Trek 
, Star Fleet cadets aretested as to how they will react in situations where life anddeath are in the balance. In the movie
Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan
a young Vulcan lieutenant, in her role as a Starshipcaptain in a simulated battle with the Klingons, “fails” such a
 
303test, resulting in the loss of her ship and all her crew. She latercomplains to Admiral Kirk that it was an unfair test of herabilities, since there was no way for her to win and end thesimulation “alive.” Kirk replied by asking, “How we deal withdeath is as important as how we deal with life, wouldn’t yousay?” It may be that we all have one last test to take before weleave this old school. How will we face our end – with courageor fear?Clean up karma and eliminate fear. When I think of what Ms. Cannon said, I’m reminded of one last moviereference, the scene in
 Deep Impact 
when the reporter, afterhaving reconciled with her estranged father, stands with him onthe beach watching the tidal wave that will take their livescome rushing towards them. I hope that however my endcomes, I can meet it with an equal calmness of spirit.
 
304
As Above, So Below
There is an old saying in occult circles that goes, “Asabove, so below.”
54
Now that my experience with differentspecies includes those that are more advanced than me, as wellas those that are less advanced, I have begun to appreciate themeaning of that phrase in ways I never have before. Let meexplain.Ever since my Awakening began and I came to realizethat I was in contact with Beings more powerful than myself,I’ve tried to better understand the lower life forms with whom Ishare this planet. There is no better place to begin thatunderstanding than with one’s own pets. If you don’t have oneI suggest you remedy that situation, especially if you live alone.Everyone should come home to a heartbeat.I’ve already recounted the explorations of my pet rat,Nicodemus, in my essay
Of Rats and Men
. Now let me tell youabout the two cats I presently own (or I should say, who ownme). As any pet owner will agree, our pets are our children, not
54
The original phrasing of that occult truism is attributed to a mythicalauthor named Hermes Trismegistus, who is said to have authored the 42books of sacred occult knowledge and wisdom called The Hermetica,written between the third century BC and the first century AD. TheEmerald Tablet, considered to be the most important volume, has this tosay: “That which is above is like that which is below and that which isbelow is like that which is above, to achieve the wonders of the onething.” The text goes on to explain, “This is the foundation of astrologyand alchemy: that the microcosm of mankind and the earth is a reflectionof the macrocosm of God and the heavens.”
 
305in the genetic sense of course, but in the nature of therelationship we have with them. Animal psychologists tell usthat dogs and cats are roughly equivalent in intellectualdevelopment to that of a three-year-old human child. Unlikehumans, though, they never grow up. They’re forever young, amixed blessing for them and those that care for them.I’ve raised both of my cats from kittenhood. (You cansee their photos at the end of the book.) It was years afterNicky passed on, when I rescued Pywacket from the streets as afour-month-old feral stray. His disposition is sometimes sodark that I register him as “Darth Pywacket” when I take him tothe vet, more as a warning than a joke. The other, Charlie, isnamed for her “Charlie Chaplin” mustache. I retrieved herfrom the pound to be a companion for Pywacket after he hadgrown to adulthood. I believe everything that lives, whetherplant or animal, needs contact with its own species.Both of my felines have taught me a lot, but in thebeginning it was just Pywacket and me. He responded to mylove, but he was wild and reluctant to accept my authority,whenever I had to scold him. There was a particular problemwith my stereo speakers. He wanted to shred them.I don’t clip the claws of my cats, even though theynever go outside. I realized that I would be interfering withtheir basic self-image as felines, if I did. To take awayPywacket’s main identifier as a hunter would make him feel
 
306vulnerable and reduce his status in the natural order of things tothat of prey, at least in his mind.Not only was Pywacket’s sense of self-worth at stake,but also his right of free choice. You might ask, “Can ananimal that is driven largely by instinct exercise free choice?” Iwould answer that all mammals learn by making decisions,acting on those decisions and evaluating the results. Even thedumbest animal won’t keep doing the same thing over and overagain, if doesn’t produce the result it wants. Humans, of course, are the exception that proves the rule, but even thensuch behavior is often used as the very definition of insanity.“Fight or Flight” is an instinct that developed in allanimal species to help insure their survival. In humans, it cannow be consciously overridden. Whenever confronted with aperceived threat, we don’t have to do either. We learned thatwe have another option, negotiation. By not running away orfighting, we as human beings forced within ourselves thecreation of a whole new way of behaving, thereby makingcivilization possible. We didn’t have to react in the same wayevery time. We evolved.I decided to allow Pywacket the opportunity to evolveby either shredding my speakers, or choosing to live in acivilized environment (my apartment). Now many years later,with the aid of my patient nature and large quantities of unconditional love, Pywacket is at long last a civilized cat,
 
307although the battle for my speakers was lost long ago. Anequitable trade, though, I do believe. I just hope that the HigherBeings who are trying to civilize me are as patient with mystubbornness.This might be a good place to talk about how thoseHigher Beings choose to interact with us lower ones. I havecome to understand that the Grays have a basic underlyingprecept when it comes to how they treat humans. It’s as if they’ve taken our “Golden Rule” and applied it to us. “Do untothem,” they reason, “as they do unto others” – or for the Pagansin the audience, “As they are below, so we will be from above.”If you treat the world around you and those who haveless power than you with the attitude that you have the right tocontrol what is within your grasp, then expect the Grays to actin the same manner when they interact with you. If theconcerns of others don’t concern you, then don’t expect them tocare much about how you react to their intrusions. Respectneeds to be earned, and they won’t give theirs unless they feelit’s deserved. Remember that these are Higher Beings from theEthereal Plane (“angels,” if you will), who program our verylives as part of the process of reincarnation. Unless shown tobe otherwise, to them you’re basically as an animal is to azookeeper, an important one to be sure or you would not havetheir attention, but not yet considered civilized enough towarrant their respect. If, however, you’re deemed to be
 
308considerate of the feelings of others and thought to treat peoplefairly, then you can expect the Grays to treat you in likemanner, as they prepare you for the work ahead.That “work” is likely to be the reason you were born atthis particular time, and it’s an important reason to be sure.Higher Beings don’t cross dimensions to wake up specificindividuals on this little dirtball for frivolous reasons. If you’vebeen Awakened, then they have something important to tellyou. I suggest that you stop what you’re doing and listen.
 
309
It’s a Shooting War
On July 25, 1952, the
Washington DC Daily News
 sported the rather lengthy headline, “Defense DepartmentOrders Jets to Shoot Down UFOs Which Refuse to Land WhenOrdered to Do So.” At least as early as 1952, the US Militarywas reacting hostilely to UFOs, and relations between the twofactions have not improved since then.The United States is at war with the ETs. Of that thereis no doubt, and it is a shooting war. The details, though, aren’tclear. There are many stories of hostilities, ranging from ETsshooting down civilian airliners, to Grays being gunned downon the tarmac of an air force base after their saucer had landed.Unfortunately it’s next to impossible to separate the truth fromout-and-out lies and disinformation (a combination of both truthand lies). Hard evidence of the war between our military andthe ETs is very difficult to come by, but there is some.There is a video in circulation (the
 NASA STS-48 video
),supposedly taken by the space shuttle in September of 1991,which shows a laser-like shot being fired in the upperatmosphere at a UFO that suddenly shoots off into space toavoid being hit. Some say that this proves the existence of clandestine “Star Wars” technology that has already beendeployed militarily. If the video is authentic, then it confirmsthat Reagan’s push for “Star Wars” was not about shooting
 
310down incoming nuclear missiles, but shooting down Alienaircraft. This also makes sense when considering his publicstatements about the peoples of the Earth uniting together tofight an invasion from outer space.With his impressive volume
 MAJIC 
 
 Eyes
 
Only,
RyanWood has done yeoman work in compiling information on 74different UFO crash events from around the world. (I lovereference books, and this is a good resource.) Such a highnumber of downed Alien craft can’t be explained away asaccidents, or as the unfortunate result of flying inthunderstorms. Majestic is shooting down UFOs at everyopportunity.In her book,
 Lost 
 
Was
 
the
 
Key
, Leah A. Haley describesa dream-like memory she has of being interrogated by themilitary after they shot down a flying disk, in which shehappened to be at the time. Standing on the beach after thecrash landing, she saw a solder carrying off a gray who pleadedfor her help telepathically, before she was forced to leave thescene with men in uniform.In her sequel,
Unlocking
 
 Alien
 
Closets
:
 Abductions
,
 Mind 
 
Control
,
and 
 
Spirituality
, Ms. Haley reprints part of aletter she wrote as a reply to a set of questions she received inthe mail. In it she said, “There are many dedicatedUFO/abduction researchers who agree that the phenomenon istied to spiritual warfare, but you won’t hear much about it from
 
311them when they’re [behind] a podium because they fear they’lllose their credibility.” And then in the last paragraph of herbook, she writes, “My findings confirm what I suspected adecade ago: a spiritual war is taking place on Earth. Alienexperiencers and CHEOP experiencers are right in the line of fire.”
55
 I concur with her assessment, and with my backgroundin Ritual Magick I happen to be in a unique position tounderstand the nature of the forces at work here. This is a warbetween the “White Brotherhood” and “The Black Lodge,” andits origins go back to the beginning of recorded time.
A Brief History of the War betweenThe Light and The Dark
Throughout Man’s time on Earth, there have been thosewho were able to communicate with Higher Beings. Thesepeople became our prophets and seers and provided much of the source material for Earth’s religions. They later becameknown as the Ascended Masters, and included in their ranks areMoses, Jesus, Mohammed and Buddha. The mission of theseinspired humans was to motivate others to adopt higherstandards of personal conduct and to promote spiritual growth,so that mankind could evolve to a higher consciousness. Today
55
CHEOP is Leah Haley’s acronym for “Covert Human ExperimentationOperatives.”
 
312their spiritual descendants, collectively known as the WhiteBrotherhood, continue to work toward that goal.Formed in direct opposition to these efforts were theBlack Lodges, the only surviving Lodge now likely residing inthe United States. (More on that later.) Its mandate is to keepus in a materialistic state of spiritual stagnation so as to preventMan’s transformation into a Higher Being, and to subvert thepeople’s will to resist control by those who would be theirmasters. Both the White Brotherhood and the Black Lodge useRitual Magick to further their respective causes, and the twofactions have fought each other, trading victories and defeatsback and forth, throughout the ages.
The Nazi–Occult Connectionand WWII as Armageddon
 
The twentieth century brought forth a great strugglebetween the Light and the Dark when Adolph Hitler rose toabsolute power in Germany and almost succeeded in hisattempt to dominate the world. What only a few peopleunderstood at the time, and what was never publiclyacknowledged, was the fact that the Nazi hierarchy, includingHitler himself, was deeply involved in the practice of Black Magick.During the 1920s as a young man, Hitler came under theinfluence of Germany’s darkest occultists, members of theThule Society and its inner circle of Black Magicians called
 
313“The Luminous Lodge,” although amongst themselves theseMagicians referred to their order as the “Vril Society”
56
 A major influence on Hitler was Dietrich Eckardt,leader of the Vril Society, who established the future Fuhrer asa Black Magician through a ritual of initiation, using theAstrological Magick of a ninth century sadist called Landulf IIof Capua. Hitler later believed himself to be the reincarnationof this black soul. On his deathbed, surrounded by his fellowMagicians, Eckardt was quoted as saying the following,“Follow Hitler. He will dance, but it is I who called the tune.
We have given him the means of communicating with Them
.Do not mourn for me: I shall have influenced history more thanany other German [emphasis mine].”
57
After Eckardt’s death,the mantle passed to Karl Haushofer as he assumed the dutiesof the “Secret Master.”
56
When membership in the Thule Society swelled with too many newmembers unschooled in the art of Ritual Magick, its founding membersformed the Luminous Lodge as an inner circle of working RitualMagicians and, when that in turn became too big, the elite of that groupagain spun off forming the “The Order of the Black Sun.” The “vril” isoriginally from a novel written in the nineteenth century called
The
 
Coming
 
 Race
by an English occultist named Baron Edward Bulwer-Lytton. It has since become known in occult circles as a vast reservoir of energy that springs from Man’s potential divinity. Whoever masters thevril, according to the legend, will become master of himself, then of allmen, and finally of the world. Bulwer-Lytton is more widely known asthe author of 
The
 
 Last 
 
 Days
 
of 
 
Pompeii
.
57
Louis Pauwels and Jacques Bergier,
Morning
 
of 
 
the
 
 Magicians
, Paris:Editions Gallimard, 1960; New York, NY: Avon Books, 1963, p. 276.
 
314In 1928 this same circle of Black Magicians sponsoredthe opening in Berlin of a chapter of Agarthi, one of the TibetanBlack Lodges, which helped magically to bring about the riseof the Nazi party.
58
Hitler was often seen visiting one Tibetanmonk called “The Man with the Green Gloves,” who wasreported to be psychic and to hold the “keys to the Kingdom of Agarthi.”
59
 With their practice of Black Magick, the Nazis mostcertainly caught the attention of very dark, InterdimensionalBeings.
60
This was undoubtedly their intent, as the purpose of magick (black, white or gray) is to illicit the help of theappropriate gods or goddesses in “The Work” at hand.
61
Themagical work that the Nazis hoped to achieve was to bring
58
The remaining Lodges of Tibet, both Light and Dark, were ruthlesslystamped out in the 1950s when the Communist Chinese came to power.This leaves the Berlin Lodge, or what it has since morphed into, as theonly known remaining repository of the arcane knowledge of thoseancient secret societies. A few surviving members of one of the Lodgesof the White Brotherhood are rumored to have fled to the United States,but such reports may be more wishful thinking than anything credible.
59
Allen H. Greenfield,
Secre
t
Cipher 
 
of 
 
the
 
UFOnauts
, Lilburn, GA:IllumiNet Press, 1994, p. 85.
60
It is these IDs to whom Eckardt must have referred when he said thatHitler had been given the means to communicate with “Them.”
 
61
The connection between Higher Beings (both light and dark) and RitualMagick is as old as magick itself. All the ancient civilizations said thatthey were instructed in the practice of magick by their gods. As an aside,let me say that anyone who performs a magick ritual, and does it well,will get the attention of very real unseen entities. My circle of magiciansoften perceives a Gray in attendance, when we draw the circle inpreparation for our rituals. We were told they are watching because wecreate a “bubble in time” with our magick. I think that their commentwas meant to imply that they do the same.
 
315about a genetic mutation in the “elect” of the human race, tocreate on Earth a new breed of demigods that would be theequal of those dark entities they called upon in magick ritual.The Beings that responded to their calls for assistance werecruel and commanding, more so than even Hitler seemed tohave anticipated. Hermann Rauschning, the Nazi Governor of Danzig, quoted Hitler as saying, “I will tell you a secret. I haveseen the New Man and he is intrepid and cruel. I was afraid of him.”
62
 The struggle between the Forces of Light and the Forcesof Darkness, which had gone on for so long on Earth, finallyspilled over onto the Ethereal Plane when the Black Magiciansof the vril made contact with Them. The “Them” to whomEckardt referred on his deathbed are the dark Beings that resideon that higher plane of existence.
63
Against this backdrop of Nazi Black Magick, the genocide of six million Jews, gypsies,homosexuals and other “undesirables” in the gas chambers of their death camps can be seen as a gigantic “human sacrifice,”meant to magically reverse the tide of war for Germany.
62
Pauwels and Bergier, p. 219. (Rauschning later became Hitler’sbiographer with
 Hitler 
 
Speaks
and
The
 
 Beast 
 
 from
 
the
 
 Abyss
.)
63
Evil exists because Man is capable of evil, just as he is capable of divinity. The evil that collects in the souls of men doesn’t fade when theydie. Some of those souls refuse to rejoin the cycle of reincarnation and,by their force of will, stay on the Ethereal Plane. It was these dark,Interdimensional Beings with whom the Nazis first made contact.
 
316After the quick successes of his military campaigns inEurope, Hitler stumbled badly in Russia. He invaded in thefall without the clothing or supplies necessary to endure thecoming winter. While Napoleon had underestimated thebrutality of Russian winters when he invaded, Hitler believedthat by sheer force of Will (released through Ritual Magick) thewinter season could be prevented from even starting. But likeso many Black Magicians before him, Hitler in his arroganceand pride had overestimated his power and underestimated theforces allied against him.In the winter of 1942 when he ordered Himmler tobegin the extermination of all Jews living in Nazi-occupiedterritory, Hitler was bogged down in Russia on one side andstill fighting the British on the other. He knew Japan was aboutto bring America into the war, and his treaty with that allymeant that he would soon be fighting on three fronts. The burntoffering of millions of sacrificial victims, their smoke billowingup into the heavens from dozens of smokestacks like someghastly human incense, was meant to entreat the help of thoseEthereal Beings who are attracted by horrific expressions fromthe darkest of souls.Christianity has long held that the “End Times” willfeature an ultimate battle, an Armageddon, between the Forcesof Light and the Forces of Darkness. Christians aren’t the onlyones to hold such a belief, however. A similar Armageddon-
 
317like scenario is thought to be imminent by millions of faithfulin Tibet and Mongolia. In Tibet, the “King of the World” isexpected to rise up from the mythical land of Shamballa andslay the wicked in order to usher in a Golden Age for mankind.The Buddhist Lamas of Mongolia echo their brethren in Tibet,but say that the world’s monarch lives in Agarthi, anunderground kingdom spanning most of Asia.
64
Both devoutJews and Moslems alike believe that a Messiah will soon arriveto do essentially the same thing.From my vantage point as an occultist and RitualMagician, I’ve come to understand that World War II was thislong-prophesied “showdown” between good and evil here onEarth. This is not to imply that I think that an Armageddon wassomething destined to happen. As I said, evil exists becauseman is capable of evil. So therefore evil could not confront theForces of Light unless man, with his capacity for free choice,led the charge. The future is never written, until the choices aremade. No, the biblical Armageddon came about because Hitlerworked to fulfill the prophecy. There is ample evidence that hethought himself to be the Anti-Christ.Dr. Walter Stein, who was a member of the ThuleSociety, told Trevor Ravenscroft that Eckart, along with a fewselect others from the inner circle, had held several séances to
64
 
Mark Amaru Pinkham,
“The Return of the King of the World”
,Livingston, MT:
 Atlantis Rising,
July/August 2007.
 
 
318prepare for the coming of a German Messiah. “Eckart alreadybelonged to the Thule Society when Hitler appeared on thescene,” Stein said. “It was Dietrich Eckart who first promotedHitler as the long-awaited Messiah.”According to Rauschning, Hitler told Nietzsche’sbrother-in-law, Bernhard Förster, that “When the time came,Hitler would bring the world a new religion . . . Hitler would bethe first to achieve what Christianity was meant to have been, a joyous message that liberated men from the things thatburdened their life. We should no longer have any fear of deathand
should lose the fear of a bad conscience.
[emphasis mine]”Hitler thought the Jewish people to be the source of what we would consider to be humanity’s virtues, but which hebelieved corrupted Man and prevented his transformation into aHigher Being. He once told Rauschning that he believed theJew to be the embodiment of all things evil, including aconscience, intelligence and the pursuit of absolute truth. “Weare at the end of the Age of Reason,” Hitler told him. “Theintellect has grown autocratic, and has become a disease of life. . . Conscience is a Jewish invention. It is a blemish, likecircumcision. A new age of Magic interpretation of the worldis coming, of interpretation in terms of the Will and not theintelligence. There is no such thing as truth, either in the moralor in the scientific sense. The new man would be the antithesis
 
319of the Jew.”
65
While considering Hitler’s self-image as theAnti-Christ and his hatred of everything Jewish, keep in mindthat Jesus was a Jewish rabbi and that Christianity took much of its values from Judaism.In their conversations about the Nazi quest for the HolyGrail, Hitler added uniquely Christian evils to the list. “Thereal virtues of the Grail were common to all the best Aryanpeoples,” Hitler told Rauschning.
66
“Christianity only addedthe seeds of decadence such as forgiveness, self-abnegation,weakness, false humility and the very denial of the evolutionarylaws of survival of the fittest, the most courageous andtalented.” (Hitler was very much a “social Darwinist.”)In the last days of the war, when every thinking personin Germany knew the end was near, Himmler held a meeting of his staff. He reassured them that Germany would prevail in theend, and then made a statement that many in attendance lateradmitted they just didn’t understand. Their real enemy, he toldthem, was not England or America or even Russia. It wasChristianity, he said.The inner circle of the SS is known to have performedanti-Christian magick rituals, including one called the
65
Dusty Sklar,
The
 
 Nazis
 
and 
 
the
 
Occult 
, New York, NY: Dorset Press1977, pp. 57-58.
66
For an occultist, the search for the Holy Grail is a symbol for one’spersonal path of “spiritual transformation.” For Hitler, thattransformation was the physical, genetic mutation of Aryan man intoAryan superman.
 
320Ceremonies of the Stifling Air, where they took “irreversiblevows” of servitude to Lucifer. A Black Mass was alsoconducted where Hitler’s own blood was used as the holysacrament.Ravenscroft, in his occult classic
The
 
Spear 
 
of 
 
 Destiny
,
67
describes how according to legend the spear thatpierced the side of the Christ is held to have magical powersthat render anyone who carries it invincible. Hitler made it atop priority of his to obtain it, and as soon as his armies hadsecured Austria he personally headed straight to the TreasureHouse of the Hapsburg family in Vienna, where it was housed,and took possession. Aside from any supposed powers it mayhave, anyone considering himself to be an Anti-Christ wouldcertainly want to hold in his hands the spear that was said tohave cut the side and spilled the blood of his adversary.And finally, the Book of Revelation talks about TheChrist reigning for a thousand years after his second coming.Hitler in an obvious comparison of himself with the biblicalMessiah said that his Third Reich would last a thousand years.World War II was a struggle between the forces of realevil and those who would oppose them. It was the first war thatwas truly global in scope, and the consequence of failure foreither side was unthinkable. The outcome would decide the
67
Trevor Ravenscroft,
The
 
Spear 
 
of 
 
 Destiny
, York Beach, MN: SamuelWeiser, Inc. [Estate of Trevor Ravenscroft], 1973.
 
321spiritual path that mankind would follow for a millenniumafterwards. It was a real Armageddon, in every sense of theword.All good people knew it was a war that could not belost. They fought hard to defeat the Axis Powers, but as thenations of the world were rejoicing in their victory, the evil thatappeared to be so thoroughly vanquished was secretlyestablishing itself in the heartland of its enemy, brought inthrough the back door by traitorous Nazi sympathizers.
Operation Paperclip: America’s Trojan Horse
 
With the defeat of Nazi Germany, and later thesurrender of Imperial Japan, the real malevolence that those tworegimes embodied was quickly forgotten. The good guys hadwon and the bad guys had lost, and that was that. What no onenoticed was that a Trojan Horse had been “let through thegate,” allowing hardcore Nazis to enter the United States indirect violation of a Presidential order. The Forces of Darknesscould now continue their war against the Forces of Light,staging their attacks from within the very country that haddefeated them on the battlefield. It was now a clandestine war,to be fought in secret, but that was okay because those sameNazis were put in charge of America’s secrets!The ink was hardly dry on Germany’s surrender paperswhen the Nazi Secret Service was imported wholly and intactinto the Office of Strategic Services (OSS) by Allan Dulles.
 
322Dulles had just taken control of that wartime intelligenceagency from “Wild” Bill Donavan after hostilities ended.Later, in 1947, it morphed into the CIA, keeping its secret Naziconnections intact.Reinhard Gehlen was the SS General who had been incharge of Nazi Intelligence during the war, and it was he withwhom Dulles negotiated. The two men trusted each otherimplicitly, so much so that their contract, according to Gehlen,was completely verbal, sealed with only a handshake, andnothing in writing. In an interview, Gehlen gave details of theagreement. Gehlen and his clandestine intelligence agentsthroughout Europe and the Soviet Union would continue theiractivities against the Communists. They would share theinformation they gathered with the Americans, but Gehlen’sorganization “was to work not for or under the Americans, but jointly with the Americans.” His operation was to be financedcompletely by the Americans, and “not to be a part of occupation costs.” And finally, if at any time, in the opinion of Gehlen’s group, the interests of America should differ from“German” interests, it was to be understood that “theorganization would consider the interests of Germany first.”For “German,” read “Nazi,” and for “Germany,” read “TheFourth Reich,” which was to rise from the ashes of the Third.Gehlen wasn’t just the head of Nazi intelligence. Afterthe war he was charged by the Nazi hierarchy, who by that time
 
323were directing operations from their new bases in SouthAmerica, with protecting “Odessa,” an acronym for“Organization of Veterans of the SS.” The word “Odessa” hassince come to mean “The Fourth Reich” and is comprised of the few original Nazis who might still be alive, theirdescendants and new converts to the cause.Dulles “sanitized” Gehlen and his agents of their Nazipast through a project called, “Operation Paperclip,” wherebypersonnel files that were tagged with a paperclip as the secretcode were rewritten, and carefully retyped, to delete anymention of past Nazi connections. This was done in directviolation of an Executive Order issued by President Truman,which stipulated that all former members of the Nazi Partywere to be barred admittance to the United States.After the war, I suspect that the surviving monks of thatTibetan Black Lodge in Berlin were brought to the US by theirNazi patrons, as part of the same handshake deal negotiatedbetween Dulles and Gehlen. Jim Keith believed that thoseblack monks might account for some of the early descriptionsof “Men in Black,” who were said to be Oriental-looking.
68
 From the beginning, the CIA was nothing more than acover for Nazi activities. Historian Carl Ogleby wrote, “Thus,whatever the CIA was from the standpoint of the law, it
68
Jim Keith,
Casebook on the Men in Black 
, Lilburn, GA: IllumiNet Press,1997, p. 35.
 
324remained from the standpoint of practical intelligencecollection a front for a house of Nazi spies.”
69
Gehlen’sintelligence gathering for the Americans consisted of feedingour military inflated reports of Russia’s threat to WesternEurope. This ignited and sustained the Cold War, whichGehlen used as a cover for his activities on behalf of Odessa.
70
 Lest you consider that these were repentant “former”Nazis who had seen the error of their ways, consider Rudolf Hermann who, while assigned to Wright Field, would each dayhold a roll call of his men while dressed in a brown uniformand lecture them openly about the necessity of remaining loyalto Hitler.
71
The fact that he was allowed to make thesespeeches on a military base day after day, without censure,speaks volumes as to how protected these hardcore Nazis were,and I would argue that their second and third-generationdescendants still are. (It should be noted that Wright Field,now known as Wright/Patterson Air Force Base, would laterreceive the wreckage from a saucer that crashed outsideRoswell, New Mexico in 1947.)In addition to Gehlen and his network of spies, hundredsof Nazis scientists were “given the paperclip,” and allowed to
69
Keith,
 Mind Control and UFOs: Casebook on Alternative 3
, Kempton,IL: Adventures Unlimited Press, 1999, rpt. 2005, p. 47.
70
The Military-Industrial complex that Eisenhower warned us about alsoused these decades of heightened international tensions to gain and keepcontrol of America’s economy.
71
Keith,
 Mind Control
, p. 48.
 
325enter the United States to work on our fledgling rocketprogram, and later our race to the Moon against the Soviets.Not only was the CIA created with Nazis, so was NASA, oursuper space agency. And it didn’t stop there. According to JimKeith, Nazis were also employed in founding the Voice of America, and Radio Liberty, as well as the US Army HistoricalDivision. And to secure their secret dominance over America,hardcore Nazis were even used to fill top positions at thePentagon and in private industry.
72
 Although the original Majestic-12 Committee wasformed by Presidential order in 1947 and composed of prominent names from the military and academia of that time, ithas undoubtedly evolved since then. In the beginning, theresponsibility for gathering information on UFOs was naturallygiven to the newly created United States Air Force. It wasn’tlong however, before the CIA took over the collection, storageand evaluation of all things having to do with UFOs or theiroccupants.It was a logical decision to make. The CIA was then (asit is now) well versed in keeping secrets, clandestine activitybeing their specialty. Although the Air Force was welldisciplined, too many people in the loop were viewing thewhole affair as a scientific mystery to be openly investigated,
72
Ibid., p. 48.
 
326instead of something to be covered up and studied in secret.Choice cases of UFO sightings were being funneled to MajorDonald Keyhoe (USMC, Retired) and he was writing books onthe subject. It had to stop. The transfer appears to have takenplace in 1956. At that point, though, who was really in controlof the UFO situation, Majestic or the Agency, which now hadexclusive access to the biggest secret ever?Remember information is a valuable commodity, andinformation about the Alien presence on Earth is the mostvaluable of all. Not only did the CIA now have access to thisinformation, they in fact controlled access for everyone elseincluding the President, and even the Majestic-12 Committee.By the sheer fact that they alone received all new informationon UFOs, raw from the field, meant that the Agency was nowin a position to manipulate that information in any manner itssecret inner core of Nazis chose, before it passed it along toothers. That one act of securing all things UFO-related underthe umbrella of the CIA made it the most powerful organizationin the world.To summarize a history that is well documented, afterWorld War II hardcore Nazis were clandestinely let intoAmerica and allowed to take control of the OSS. When thatwartime intelligence service morphed into the peacetime CIA,they took over that super-secret agency as well. The CIA, withits Nazi inner core, seized control of the UFO situation when it
 
327was given responsibility for the collection of all UFO-relatedinformation from the Air Force. Now at that point, it wouldhave been natural to start replacing Committee members, asthey retired one by one, with Company insiders.
73
By now theFourth Reich is undoubtedly in full control of Majestic and iscontinuing their secret global war against the Forces of Light.That war includes stealing elections worldwide, underminingreal democratic governments when they do get elected, andsubverting the will of the people wherever it’s directed againstthe interests of the Black Lodge.Higher Beings from the Ethereal Plane have entered ourreality to rally the Forces of Light by inducing a spiritualAwakening in millions of selected individuals. Frontal assaultson the Forces of Darkness have almost always been deflected,either by overt assassinations (like those of President John F.Kennedy, his brother Robert and Martin Luther King, Jr.), orcovert sabotage of private aircraft (such as likely took the livesof UN Secretary Dag Hammarskjold, Panamanian PresidentOmar Torrijos and US Senator Paul Wellstone). No, effectivechange must come from the grassroots and in overwhelmingnumbers.There’s a new wrinkle though. Time may be runningout. The new Aquarian Age is officially scheduled to begin onDecember 21, 2012.
73
The CIA was nicknamed “The Company” by its employees.
 
328
1947 to 2012: The Final Curtain
 
Many people have heard of the Mayan Calendar andthat it will supposedly “end” in 2012, but most don’t know whyan ancient method of counting days that has been existence forthousands of years should suddenly stop, and in that specificyear. The precise date when the calendar “ends” is December21, 2012, the day of the winter solstice. (The beginning yearhas been established as 3,114 BC, although the calendar itself wasn’t in use until 355 BC.) It has been only recently,however, that Mayan scholars have been able to understand thesignificance of the year 2012.The Mayan god Lord Pacal is equated with the sun andis portrayed on his famous sarcophagus lid “entering” theSacred Tree that sprouts from his navel. Mayan myth holdsthat creation took place at a celestial crossroads, represented bytheir Sacred Tree. Scholars have only recently determined itslocation to be where the ecliptic and the center of the MilkyWay intersect in the night’s sky, currently in the constellationof Sagittarius. On December 21, 2012 our sun (and therebyLord Pacal) will be positioned exactly at this “crossroads” inthe heavens.It is at this point of intersection that the Dark Rift begins(or ends); this is a dark and winding portion of the sky where aninterstellar gas cloud obscures the stars behind it. The ancientMayans called it the “Black Road,” and whenever a planet, the
 
329sun, or the moon entered this dark cleft at the exact center of our galaxy, the Galactic Equator, the entrance to theunderworld was opened.On December 31, 2012 the Mayan calendar actuallyresets to the year “0,” indicating the beginning of a new era aswell as marking the passing of the old one. The significance of this to the Mayans was that on the winter solstice of 2012 theirsun god will return to the exact point of creation, but in doingso he will first have to go down the Black Road and enter theunderworld. The “underworld” has been associated with deathsince the beginning of recorded time, and the winter solsticewith the renewal of the life cycle.In the approaching celestial event of 2012, we see thecoming together of two powerful and universal concepts, deathand rebirth. From our vantage point here on Earth, the sun isreturning to the Galactic center which, in the Mayan view, isthe source of creation. But before we humans can undergo the“rebirth” suggested by this astronomical conjunction, we firstmust enter the underworld (walk down the Black Road) andexperience a “death” of some sort, either physical ormetaphorical.If 2012 marks the beginning of a new era for mankind,as the ancient Maya foretold, then it seems to come at about thesame “End Time” that millions the world over see prophesied
 
330in their religious scriptures. And it can’t be a coincidence thatwe’re also transitioning astrologically into the Age of Aquarius.The enlightened Aquarian Age will leave little or noroom for Nazi ideology. It may be that the agenda of Odessa,now identical with Majestic’s, is to delay or prevent the start of the new era, much as Hitler had tried to prevent the start of winter in Russia. This is impossible, of course. One cannotstop the Precession of the Equinoxes, even by force of magick.However the Nazis may be forcing a change in the cosmic planfor Earth, nonetheless.During the same lecture in which Dolores Cannon toldher audience of what her Alien contacts had said about karmiclessons and fear, she presented a slide to the audience showinga drawing of the Earth splitting in two, much like an ameba inthe middle of asexual reproduction. When the image flashed onthe screen Cynthia, a fellow Experiencer who was sitting besideme, let out a little shriek of recognition. “I was shown thatsame thing by my ETs,” she whispered to me.Ms. Cannon went on to explain. The ETs have said thatEarth will split into two worlds. An Ethereal Earth, she wastold, will materialize on the next higher plane of existence,while the physical Earth will remain in this material realm. Shewent on to say that the souls inhabiting the new Ethereal Earthwill transform into Ethereal Beings, while those who remain onthe physical Earth will be left as they are. Although she didn’t
 
331mention 2012, the impression the audience was left with wasthat a major “interdimensional event” was going to soon usherin a new age for mankind.It may be that in this way everyone will get what theywant. Higher Beings will welcome the transformation of alarge portion of the population of this planet to their ranks onthe Ethereal Plane, and the Nazis get to continue to pursue theirharsh vision of reality in this physical universe, but on a greatlydepopulated planet.It seems, though, that the ETs have a backup plan incase those humans left on the physical Earth later becomeextinct. In her book 
The
 
Custodians: Beyond Abduction
, Ms.Cannon published transcripts of conversations she has had withETs, some of them recorded in the presence of other UFOresearchers. She described being told of a planet beingprepared to host a transplanted human civilization, for just thateventuality.
74
 Besides the founding of the CIA by those “Paperclip”Nazis, 1947 was a hugely significant year for other reasons. Itwas the year that a businessman and amateur pilot namedKenneth Arnold reported seeing nine flying disks near MountRainier. His description ignited worldwide interest in what hadbefore been only a military problem.
74
Dolores Cannon;
The
 
Custodians: Beyond Abduction
, Huntsville, AR:Ozark Mountain Publishers, 1999.
 
332A month later a disk crashed in the vicinity of Roswell,New Mexico, with bodies and wreckage recovered in whatwould later prove to be the best documented case of a UFOcrash and retrieval on record. According to Colonel PhilipCorso, technology taken from the crash site was released intoUS industry and resulted in such things as the first transistorand later, fiber optics.In 1947 the United Nations was founded in SanFrancisco and shortly afterward its General Assembly createdthe state of Israel, resulting in unending strife in the MiddleEast ever since. It was also the year the “Dead Sea” Scrollswere discovered in several caves, near an ancient Jewishsettlement on the west bank of that great salt lake.1947 is special for another reason. It was the year I wasborn. Now, a lifetime later, all the forces that were put intoplay in that pivotal year are coming together in what looks likewill be an apocalyptic climax, and I seem to have a front rowseat to watch it all. I can’t wait to see the credits roll after thespectacle ends, when the sun sets on the last day of the MayanCalendar.I’ll be standing on the beach. Where will you be?
 
333
 
334
Closing Statement
 
I've tried to be open and frank in my descriptions of what I've witnessed and of what I've done, even when it is sureto expose me to criticism and ridicule. To be truthful andforthright, I elected to pull my own "skeletons" from the closet.To those of my friends and family who are disturbed bywhat I've written and think that it somehow reflects upon thempersonally, I sincerely apologize. However, now that I’veentered the twilight of my life, I feel the need to document whatit has become and to share what I’ve learned, before itsinevitable end. And in the end, all that matters is the truth.To those same good people, and to especially mydaughter, Katherine, let me also say that I don’t regret anythingthat has happened, because all of my experiences collectivelyhave brought me to where I am today. I’m at peace with myself as I walk through my life, and every day is as fresh to me as theday that came before. If it took 14 years of paradigm shifts andMajestic’s harassment to achieve this state of mind, then it hasall been worth it. I wouldn’t change a thing.Chuck Weiss
 
335
PART III:APPENDIX
 
336
My Letter to the Mole
Charles WeissP.O. Box xxxxxSan Francisco, CA xxxxx-xxxxXxxxx Xxxxxxxxx Xxxxxxx StreetXxxxxx, CA xxxxxMay 16, 1997Dear Xxxxx:I’m sorry we couldn’t meet face to face. I would have really preferredto say the things I have to say to you, in person. It would have been thehonorable thing to do. Well, at least I tried.Let me first apologize, if I’m wrong in my suspicions. I may verywell be, and it can’t be confirmed one way or the other, but I would beremiss in my duties as facilitator of our UFO support group if I didn’t act onthese suspicions. At any rate, I’m deeply sorry if I’m wrong. Only you canknow for sure if I am. Well, here goes.For the last several months, I have had the growing, uneasy feelingthat you are more than what you present yourself to be. Call me paranoid if you like, but I have come to suspect that you are a government plant in ourUFO group.As interested as the government is in UFOs and UFO Contactees, it isonly logical to assume that any UFO group that was advertised publiclywould fall under its scrutiny. I knew this was a possibility when I passed outthose flyers at the Whole Life Expo. After all, I know that I am personallyunder surveillance. (I’ve been able to verify that my apartment is routinelyentered, usually around the middle of the month. Given that, I must assumethat my phone is tapped and my apartment bugged, as well.) So it’s no greatleap of faith to believe that our UFO group would also have a governmentmole. The only question was who.To tell the truth, I wasn’t looking for a “spy,” when I came to suspectyou. In fact, the only way I’ve been able to keep my equilibrium in the faceof all this intrusion into my personal life, both alien and government, is toaccept the fact that my life is an open book. Anyone with access is going toknow everything about me. (I became used to this kind of scrutiny when Iworked at the Pentagon with a top-secret clearance during the VietnamWar.) Although I fully expected our UFO group to be “infiltrated,” I didn’twant to dwell on it. I felt that there wasn’t much new that would likely be
 
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revealed at our meetings, that the government didn’t already know. My hopewas that, by organizing a new support group, I might help others in comingto terms with their ET contact experiences. However, once I came to suspectsomeone of actually being the mole I thought our group was likely to have, Ifelt I had to do something. As I said, I think I would be acting irresponsible,as our group’s facilitator, if I didn’t.Rather than anything you’ve done, it was your “inaction” that arousedmy curiosity. You attend every meeting without fail, but you nevercontribute anything to the discussion. Outside of retelling your original storya couple of times, for those new to our group, you always keep silent.Regardless of the topic, you have never voiced an opinion on anything, evento just nod your head in agreement. Occasionally, you’re even obvious inyour disinterest. (Your attention wanders as you fidget in your seat. It looks,to anyone who is observant, that you often can’t wait for the meeting toend.) One then has to ask, “Why do you come to the meetings at all?” Whatdo you get out of them? I know that you attend other UFO-related meetingsin the area so there are other outlets for you, if your interest in UFOs isgenuine. Why do you keep coming to our meetings, if they bore you somuch? The only answer, that I can come up with, is that you’re paid to doso. (I might add that I’m not the only one in our group to notice your oddbehavior, although no one has told me that they suspect what I do.)Believing, as I do, that your attendance at our UFO meetings is forreasons less than honorable, I must ask you not attend them. As I said, Isincerely apologize if I’m wrong. I may very well be. However, since thereis no way to prove a negative, there is really nothing you can say toconvince me that I am. And, since I don’t have any hard evidence to provethe positive, it would be irresponsible of me to voice my suspicions toanyone else. If anyone asks why you no longer come to the meetings, I’ll just answer that I believe your interests lie somewhere else. As far as I’mconcerned, this matter can be just between us. That is, of course, if youremain silent as well. If, however, I hear that you’re telling people that Iasked you to leave the group, then I will have every right to explain mysuspicions to anyone who will listen.I hope you’ll believe me when I say that I personally wish you well. Idon’t harbor any ill feelings toward you. You were just doing your job.Sincerely,Charles Weiss
 
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Official Letter on US Army StationarySaying UFO Thought to be Extraterrestrial
From the Dust Jacket of 
Flying Saucers from Outer Space
 by Major Donald E. Keyhoe, USMJC (retired),(New York, NY: Henry Holt and Company, 1953)
 
 
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Famous Conspiracy Theorists in History
The next time somebody rolls his eyes and calls you a “conspiracy theorist,”tell that person you’re in good company and quote liberally from thefollowing:
Franklin D. Roosevelt:
American President who, in a letter datedNovember 23, 1933 to President Wilson’s top advisor, Colonel EdwardHouse, wrote, “The real truth of the matter is, as you and I know, that afinancial element in the large centers has owned the government ever sincethe days of Andrew Jackson.” FDR was also quoted as saying, “In politics,nothing happens by accident. If it happens, you can bet it was planned thatway.”
Elliot Roosevelt:
Son of the American President, FDR, who wrote, “Thereare within our world perhaps only a dozen organizations which shape thecourses of our various destinies as rigidly as the regularly constitutedgovernments.”
Woodrow Wilson:
American President who wrote, “Some of the biggestmen in the United States, in the field of commerce and manufacture, areafraid of something. They know there is a power somewhere so organized,so subtle, so watchful, so interlocked, so complete, so pervasive that theyhad better not speak above their breath when they speak in condemnation of it.”
Felix Frankfurter:
US Supreme Court justice who said, “The real rulers inWashington are invisible, and exercise power from behind the scenes.”
Joseph P. Kennedy:
1920s era “bootlegger” with mob connections, whobecame ambassador to England (his son would later become President.) Hewas quoted as saying, “Fifty men run America and that’s a high figure.”
John F. Hylan:
Mayor of New York, who in 1922 said, “The real menaceof our Republic is the invisible government which like a giant octopussprawls its slimy length over our city, state and nation . . . At the head of thisoctopus is the Rockefeller-Standard Oil interests and a small group of powerful banking houses, generally referred to as the international bankers(who) virtually run the US government for their own selfish purposes.”
Buckminster R. Fuller:
Great innovative thinker who said, shortly beforehis death in 1983, “The USA is not run by its would-be ‘democraticgovernment.’ Nothing could be more pathetic than the role that has to beplayed by the President of the United States, whose power is approximately
 
340
zero. Nevertheless, the news media and most over-thirty-years-of-age USAcitizens carry on as if the President has supreme power.”
Benjamin Disraeli:
British Prime Minister who, in 1856, told the House of Commons, “It is useless to deny, because it is impossible to conceal, that agreat part of Europe – the whole of Italy and France and a great portion of [then fragmented] Germany, to say nothing of other countries – is coveredwith a network of these secret societies . . . And what are their objects?They do not attempt to conceal them. They do not want constitutionalgovernment . . . they want to change the tenure of land, to drive out thepresent owners of the soil and to put an end to ecclesiastical establishments.”He was also quoted as saying, “The world is governed by very differentpersonages from what is imagined by those who are not behind the scenes.”
Stewart Alsop:
Famous newspaper columnist who once wrote,“Knowledge is power, and power is the more valuable commodity ingovernment. So whoever knows the secrets controls the knowledge andtherefore holds power. Many people today feel that a mere handful of persons and organizations control much of the global knowledge. Thisknowledge is jealously guarded by secrecy. It turns the old adage ‘Whatyou don’t know can’t hurt you’ right on its head. What you don’t knowCAN hurt you!”
George Washington:
First American President who, in a letter dated 1782,wrote, “It was not my intention to doubt that the doctrines of the Illuminati,and the principles of Jacobinism, had not spread in the United States. Onthe contrary, no one is more fully satisfied of this fact than I am.”These quotations were compiled from
 Ruled by Secrecy
by Jim Marrs (NewYork, NY: HarperCollins, 2000).
 
341
Recommended Reading
I offer as worthy of your time the following list of books written about UFOs and related topics, with a couple of titles on mind control and government harassment thrown in forthe rightfully paranoid. I’ve also included a short description of what it is that I think recommends each volume. Books byAbductee/Experiencers are listed separately at the end, withoutcomment. For some of those volumes, the publishinginformation is incomplete because I don’t have a copy to referto and haven’t been able to find further information online.Many of these titles are out of print and can only be found inused bookstores, or through the used book services of Amazon.com and the like. And of course there’s always eBayand other online auction houses.When reading any of the volumes listed below, eitherby researchers or self-admitted Abductee/Experiencers, I wouldurge that you do so with a grain of salt and not believesomething just because it was in a book. There are manyhidden agendas in UFOlogy and not everyone is who theyrepresent themselves to be. Even among these volumes of mychoosing, there are chapters that I stow away in Stanton’sFriedman’s “Gray Box” until that time when some new piece of the puzzle should prove, or disprove, their validity. That beingsaid, here are my recommendations.
 
342
David Hatcher Childress
 Extra-Terrestrial Archaeology
. Stelle, IL: AdventuresUnlimited Press, 1994.
This book is packed with photos showing curiosities and anomalies on manyof the heavenly bodies in our solar system. There’s more than just the faceon Mars!
Col. Philip J. Corso (Ret.) with William J. Birnes
The Day After Roswell
. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster,1997.
While I’m always a little leery of people who come forward withgovernment credentials, the Colonel wove a pretty good story about helpingAmerican industry absorb and develop Alien technology recovered from thecrash of a UFO at Roswell, New Mexico in 1947.
Frank Edwards
Flying Saucers – Serious Business
. New York, NY: Lyle StuartInc., 1966.
Flying Saucers – Here and Now!
New York, NY: Lyle StuartInc., 1967.
Frank Edwards was a famous radio broadcaster whose reputation and namerecognition sent his two books on the subject of UFOs to the top of the best-seller lists, bringing reasoned discussion of the topic to a large nationalaudience for the first time. His call for congressional hearings was cut shortby a fatal heart attack.
Raymond E. Fowler
The Andreasson Affair: The Documented Investigation of aWoman’s Abduction Aboard a UFO
. Englewood Cliffs, NJ:Prentice-Hall, 1979.
The Andreasson Affair, Phase Two: The Continuing Investigation of a Woman’s Abduction by Alien Beings
.Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 1982.
The Watchers, The Secret Design Behind UFO Abduction
. NewYork, NY: Bantam Books, 1990.
The Watchers II: Exploring UFOs and the Near-Death Experience
. Newberg, OR: Wild Flower Press, 1995.
The experiences of Betty Andreasson-Luca are perhaps the best documentedever in UFO research. Her detailed descriptions and drawings while under
 
343
hypnosis are also some of the most detailed and strange on record. I believeRaymond Fowler’s conclusions as regards the origin of the Gray Aliens, asdescribed in
The Watchers
and
The Watchers II 
, to be very close to the truth.
Stanton T. Friedman
Top Secret/Majic
. New York. NY: Marlowe & Company, 1996,rpt. 1997.
Whether or not you agree with his conclusions, no one denies that StantonFriedman is one of the few nuts-and-bolts researchers who spend time in thestacks of libraries, both public and private, looking for primary sourcematerial. Start with this book on the Majestic-12 documents, and then digest
Crash at Corona
(written with Don Berliner) about the crash of two disksnear Roswell, New Mexico. After that, read his detractors if you wish.
Stanton T. Friedman and Don Berliner
Crash at Corona
. New York, NY: Paragon House, 1992.
John G. Fuller
The Interrupted Journey: Two Lost Hours “Aboard a FlyingSaucer”
. New York, NY: The Dial Press, 1966.
This book detailed the first case of Alien Abduction to reach the publicconsciousness.
Allen H. Greenfield
Secret Cipher of the UFOnautes
. Lilburn, GA: IllumiNet Press,1994.
While I have no comment about the author’s discovery of a secret cipherused by ETs, his comments on the ongoing war between the Light and theDark are worth reading.
Ion Hobana and Julien Weverbergh
UFOs From Behind the Iron Curtain
. New York, NY: BantamBooks, 1974.
The first and still one of the few books on the subject of UFOs in the oldSoviet Union that’s available in English.
Budd Hopkins
 Missing Time: A Documented Study of UFO Abductions
. NewYork, NY: Richard Marek Publishers, 1981.
 
344
 Intruders: The Incredible Visitations at Copley Woods
. NewYork, NY: Random House, 1987.
Witnessed: The True Story of the Brooklyn Bridge UFO Abductions
. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 1996.
Budd Hopkins is one of the first people to enter the field of Abductionresearch. He is credited with “discovering” two major elements of thephenomenon: “missing fetuses,” resulting in the creation of human-Alienhybrids, and “missing time,” an indication that a real physical Alienencounter has taken place.
 Intruders
and
 Missing Time
are “textbooks” onthese two subjects.
Budd Hopkins and Carol Rainey
Sight Unseen: Science, UFO Invisibility and Transgenic Beings
. New York, NY: Atria Books, 2003.
This is an interesting volume by Budd Hopkins and his wife, Carol Rainey.The science part of the book is written by Ms. Rainey and describes thelatest discoveries in various scientific disciplines that might help explainsome of the Alien technology that seems to us today to be like magick. Thesection on Transgenic Beings (differing from Hybrids in that the person isphysically changed after birth in specific ways through “gene therapy”) isvery interesting; the authors may have discovered another way the ETs arefurthering their genetic agenda.
Jim Keith
Casebook on the Men in Black 
. Lilburn, GA: IllumiNet Press,1997.
 Mind Control, World Control
. Kempton, IL: AdventuresUnlimited Press, 1997.
Saucers of the Illuminati
, Lilburn. GA: IllumiNet Press, 1999.
 Mind Control and UFOs: Casebook on Alternative 3
. Kempton,IL: Adventures Unlimited Press, 1999, rpt. 2005.
Jim Keith was a well respected researcher in the world of conspiracies, untilhis own suspicious death while undergoing a simple knee operation. In afield filled with paranoia, his voice was reasoned and his research wellfounded. I recommend his books, even if I do disagree with his conclusionsregarding ETs and flying vans.
Major Donald E. Keyhoe USMC (ret.)
The Flying Saucers are Real
. New York, NY: FawcettPublications, Inc., 1950.
 
345
Flying Saucers from Outer Space
. New York, NY: Henry Holt& Co., 1953.
The Flying Saucer Conspiracy
. New York, NY: Henry Holt &Co., 1955.
 Alien from Space: The Real Story of Unidentified FlyingObjects
. New York, NY: Doubleday & Co., 1973.
Donald Keyhoe was a retired Marine Corps Major with contacts in the AirForce that initially cooperated with him and provided much of the casematerial he quoted. He was extremely credible and was one of the first towrite reasonably on the subject. His books are still good reads these manyyears later.
John E. Mack, M.D.
 Abduction: Human Encounters with Aliens
. New York, NY:Macmillan Publishing Company, 1994.
Passport to the Cosmos: Human Transformation and Alien Encounters
. New York, NY: Crown Publishers, 1999.
Dr. Mack was a Harvard professor whose tenured position was challengedwhen he wrote that the UFO Abduction phenomenon should be consideredat face value, instead of treating it as a mental health issue. His conclusion,that the ET agenda is largely spiritual in nature, is detailed in
Passport to theCosmos
and well worth reading.
Jim Marrs
 Alien Agenda: Investigating the Extraterrestrial Presence Among Us
. New York, NY: Harper Collins, 1997.
If there was only one book to read on the subject of UFOs, this would be theone. The best summary of the subject currently available. Jim Marrs is asuperb researcher. His inquiries into the JFK assassination (
Crossfire
), 9/11(
 Inside Job
and
The Terror Conspiracy
), and the Illuminati (
 Rule bySecrecy
) are all definitive works on their subjects.
Louis Pauwels and Jacques Bergier
The Morning of the Magicians
. Paris: Editions Gallimard; NewYork, NY: Avon Books, 1963.
The authors cover a wide variety of unusual subjects to support theircontention that our world has entered a new era of the fantastic, whereoccult forces that had operated from behind the scenes for thousands of years are now in the open for all to see. One third of the book focuses on
 
346
Nazi Germany and their crusade to forcibly substitute anti-intellectual chaosfor reasoned discourse throughout all aspects of German society.
Trevor Ravenscroft
The Spear of Destiny: The Occult Power Behind the Spear Which Pierced the Side of Christ 
. York Beach, MN: SamuelWeiser, Inc., 1982.
This is an occult classic about the spear that supposedly pierced the side of Jesus while he was on the cross, and its supernatural power to make armiesthat “carry it before them” invincible. The author convincingly documentsHitler’s obsession with this religious artifact.
Bruce Rux
 Hollywood Vs. the Aliens: The Motion Picture Industry’sParticipation in UFO Disinformation
. Berkeley, CA: FrogLtd., 1997.
An extensive work on Hollywood’s portrayal, in TV and the movies, of UFOs and their occupants. The introduction alone, a 71-page history of theUFO phenomenon, is worth the price of the book. (And the man knows themovies!)
Zecharia Sitchin
 Divine Encounters: A Guide to Visions, Angels, and Other  Emissaries
. New York, NY: Avon Books, 1995.
Mr. Sitchin is an expert in ancient languages, being able to read in theoriginal the earliest writings of Man known to exist. He is best known forhis
 Earth Chronicles
, a series of books that carefully outline his theory thatEarth was colonized in prehistory by Aliens who made mankind “in theirimage” through genetic manipulation. In
 Divine Encounters
, however, Mr.Sitchin describes how the ancients said they communicated with their godsand goddesses. The prophetic dreams and visions of ancient kings closelyparallel the “dreams” and altered states of consciousness described by UFOExperiencers.
Dusty Sklar
The Nazis and the Occult 
. New York, NY: Dorset Press, 1989.
It’s a short volume, only 180 pages, but comprehensive. A goodintroduction to the subject. Originally published as
Gods and Beasts: The Nazis and the Occult 
.
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